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Old 04-22-2011, 01:38 PM   #41
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I think the thing that is a lingering hurt for me even after 10 years..( 5 years cheating on me amd 5 years post divorce) is the fact that the person he mainly cheated on me with was a person I considered a friend at one point acts like NOTHING that happened was wrong..and the person he married , they treat me like I was the other woman! I have never had an answer to any of the questions I have asked...I only got blamed because it was easier that way.......it hurts that I never had the justification of the truth.........Taishea
You will most likely never get answers to your questions sweetie.... they can't face up to what they've done, so it's easier to put the blame on you. Hold your head high, and know that you are a good person. I know it's hard to do, but let it go... they aren't worth the time and effort it takes to even think about them. Hugs
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Old 04-24-2011, 05:25 AM   #42
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Happy Easter Gals!

I have my boys for a couple of hours this morning to do Easter baskets and church and we just finished breakfast. So much fun! They are playing Wii while I go shower. It's nice enough here that we're going to hit the park after church until it's time for their dad to come get them.
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Old 04-24-2011, 05:34 AM   #43
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hello - my husband of almost 5 years told me a little over a week ago that he is done I knew things were bad but I am shell shocked at how abrupt he was! I need advice!
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Old 04-24-2011, 05:39 AM   #44
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I'm so sorry Tessa!

The best advice right now is the following, in this order:

-Get a good lawyer (even if you reconcile it'll still be well worth it)
-Counseling!!
-Cry, lean on friends/family, do what you need to do to get through the day. Don't be ashamed to ask your doctor for xanax, anti-depressants, etc.
-Lots of websites out there (be careful) about saving your marriage have some great advice - most say to not beg him to come back, etc.
- I don't know if there is another woman involved. Many times there is, so you need to protect yourself in lots of ways - financially, go see your gyn for a check up, etc.

Feel free to PM me if you have specifics!
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Old 04-24-2011, 09:51 AM   #45
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hello - my husband of almost 5 years told me a little over a week ago that he is done I knew things were bad but I am shell shocked at how abrupt he was! I need advice!
I am sorry this is happening to you. It is really a hard thing to deal with. I just got told the same thing 2 days before Christmas. I am still having a really hard time with it and people say I will for a long time. Remember that it is not you. I wish you the best and take care of yourself right now.
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Old 04-24-2011, 04:26 PM   #46
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Tessa~~ I am so sorry about your sudden situation. In the am I had hopes things were going to actually be ok, by pm I had made a discovery that was the final straw. It is such a shock to your whole system. Jen's advice is excellent. Take care of yourself...one day at a time......

Happy Easter everyone, whatever your situation is today~~~ Take a minute to relax and breathe. You deserve it!
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Old 04-26-2011, 04:54 AM   #47
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Good morning ladies! I hope you all have a nice day!
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Old 04-26-2011, 05:28 AM   #48
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Good Morning !!! Hoping your day is filled with only things that bring you joy and happiness.

I'm off to work. After 6 weeks away from it... it's nice to be back to work.

Hugs
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Old 04-26-2011, 02:52 PM   #49
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ugh got rear-ended today

everyone's ok just adding to my grief!
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Old 04-26-2011, 03:34 PM   #50
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UGh! Glad to hear everyone is OK. Take a nice hot bath tonight! Or hot shower, or whatever will calm sore muscles and soothe your nerves.
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Old 04-27-2011, 09:31 AM   #51
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Sorry Tessa. Hope you are feeling ok today? When it rains it pours!
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Old 04-27-2011, 03:22 PM   #52
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yes it does! I got pulled over today by highway patrol!!! thankfully no ticket!

how do you handle being around your spouse - I can keep it together until he's around then I am a mess! like tonight!
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Old 04-27-2011, 03:27 PM   #53
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I luckily am now half way across the country from my spouse but even emails or calls make me break down. It is going to be hard for a while but hang in there!
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Old 04-27-2011, 03:54 PM   #54
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I could not stand being in his presence. I would get very anxious and upset. Luckily he moved away.
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Old 04-27-2011, 03:57 PM   #55
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I am really realizing how this divorce is affecting me today. I am really having trouble passing a class to finish off a degree I am working on. I have never had so much trouble in a class. I just think me head isnt in it. I am too stressed.
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Old 04-28-2011, 02:53 AM   #56
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I loathed to have the x around...the last 2 years or so we were together I had a migraine every day....Even now...I groan when he calls the kids....just not quite sure if he might have a burr under his saddle about something......I feel for all of you girls (ladies) going through this...My prayer for all of you is that you will find yourself and be very victorious over the divorce....I am not sure if any of you have children or not, but please remember they are affected too..it takes its toll on them as well...mine are nearly 17, 15, 13, and 11...they are finally (after 5 years post divorce) getting back to themselves...it is a trip I would not wish for anyone, but being women and strong women at that...I know each of you will overcome this and move on....Hold your heads up and make sure your keeping the perspective of what YOU want to be after it is over.....love and hugs to all! Taishea
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Old 04-28-2011, 03:30 AM   #57
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((hugs))Christina and to all....that foggy feeling is stress. I would forget to eat. Find myself at 4 pm not having had breakfast or lunch. Try to focus on self care as much as you can. Tell yourself positive things. You are very strong to even be continuing your class. Be proud od yourself for carrying on and as Taishea said, hold your head up high!
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Old 04-28-2011, 04:31 AM   #58
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My ex and I were married 18 years... we have now been divorced 18 years. It does get easier. I live in South Flordia, he lives in northwest Michigan, which is a hugh help. I did see him a couple of times while I was visiting my son, and I just don't let him get to me, of course this didn't happen overnite. When we first split up, I couldn't stand to hear his voice, see him, or be in the same place as him. I would feel physically ill. I now realize that it was his shame reflecting onto me. He tried to make the failure of our marriage my fault, when he was the one that ruined our marriage. Hold your head high, and as childish as he gets, remain the adult. If you have children, please refrain from making any comments about him to them or to others that they will hear or find out about, even if he is making comments about you.
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Old 04-28-2011, 04:45 PM   #59
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((hugs))Christina and to all....that foggy feeling is stress. I would forget to eat. Find myself at 4 pm not having had breakfast or lunch. Try to focus on self care as much as you can. Tell yourself positive things. You are very strong to even be continuing your class. Be proud od yourself for carrying on and as Taishea said, hold your head up high!
Thank you, it is very hard staying in my classwork but I am so close to finishing my degree and I cant let him ruin that. I am thinking of you all! Take care and have a good Friday!
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Old 04-30-2011, 02:12 PM   #60
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Thank you, it is very hard staying in my classwork but I am so close to finishing my degree and I cant let him ruin that. I am thinking of you all! Take care and have a good Friday!
Do not let him interfere with the completion of your degree. Absolutely not. You and this work you are doing is far more important for your future. You come first now.

What degree are you working on Christina?
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Old 04-30-2011, 03:45 PM   #61
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I am finishing up a Masters in Counseling. One more paper to go!
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Old 04-30-2011, 04:12 PM   #62
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Way to go Christina! You can do it!
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Old 04-30-2011, 04:59 PM   #63
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Thank you
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Old 04-30-2011, 05:51 PM   #64
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Tonight my mom told me that someday I will realize divorce isn't a bad thing. I think that is good advice.
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Old 04-30-2011, 06:07 PM   #65
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I think that's true in some of our cases. I know that I would/might not have had the courage to leave on my own....that things happen for a reason..however the whole experience devastated my parents and contributed to their health issues, I really hope/pray that there is good stuff around the corner, because the last 3 years have been really awful!
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Old 04-30-2011, 06:08 PM   #66
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Where is Harrington? Have I asked you that? I can't remember. LOL
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Old 04-30-2011, 06:09 PM   #67
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I really think things have to go upward from here. I hope it does for all of us!
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Old 04-30-2011, 06:10 PM   #68
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Where is Harrington? Have I asked you that? I can't remember. LOL
It is in Downeast Maine. I just moved here in December from Minnesota. Well more like got left here by my husband. I came here for Christmas and ended up staying.
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Old 05-01-2011, 06:01 AM   #69
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You are really up there! I've got a friend in Kennebunk, so we visit several times a year.
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Old 05-01-2011, 08:45 AM   #70
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Jen and all, good things have to be right around the corner. Jen you have had a particularly long go of it. You have to be so ready for it to be done.
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Old 05-01-2011, 10:01 AM   #71
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Yes, please say some prayers - mediation on Thurs, trial next Thurs! So either way it'll be done in 2 weeks!!! (Even if I have to wait until June for a judge's decision).
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Old 05-01-2011, 11:13 AM   #72
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I hope the judge makes a quicker decision than June. Thoughts and prayers being sent your way. Hang on, it will be over very soon.
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Old 05-01-2011, 01:23 PM   #73
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You are really up there! I've got a friend in Kennebunk, so we visit several times a year.
Where are you at Jen?
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Old 05-01-2011, 01:24 PM   #74
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Yes, please say some prayers - mediation on Thurs, trial next Thurs! So either way it'll be done in 2 weeks!!! (Even if I have to wait until June for a judge's decision).
I'll be thinking about you Jen.
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Old 05-01-2011, 01:31 PM   #75
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Manch, NH!
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Old 05-01-2011, 01:32 PM   #76
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Manch, NH!
oh ok, cool
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Old 05-01-2011, 01:33 PM   #77
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I'd love to get back up to downeast Maine. Haven't been farther than Portland/Augusta/etc since a family trip long, long ago (I think I was 8!). LOL. I'd love to poke around some seaside/fishing villages - not sure my kids would enjoy it as much as me though!
My ex has a cousin in Portland - loved it up there too. Nice city!
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Old 05-01-2011, 02:00 PM   #78
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As soon as DD is out of college and funds are not so tight, I want to save up for a trip to the East Coast.
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Old 05-01-2011, 02:27 PM   #79
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It is beautiful here, Bar Harbor is a lot of fun for tourists. Let me know if you ever come this way!
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Old 05-01-2011, 04:16 PM   #80
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I know I'd love it! Thanks Christina! I hope my dream becomes a reality.
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