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Old 09-22-2011, 04:11 AM   #561
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I thought rather than lurk I would tell what I did.

18 years ago fell in love nice guy, two kids divorced, the whole sod story about how she cheated on him and would not let him see his kids.

He was a nice guy, made you feel like you were the whole world to him, I have since found out he is always like this for 9 months, then the being in love bit wears off and he moves on. He lasted 3 years with me before he felt TRAPPED, and we were expecting a child which he no longer wanted, as he was seing someone else.

I moved out got a new house and got it all legally sorted, real quick, and his girlfriend ditched him, so back he comes as he has never not had a girlfriend. I won;t move back in so I let him come see out daugter, he is not very good at being Daddy we all make excuses he was Navy front line, so I teach my daugter her daddy loves her but mummy does not way to live with daddy, as he works away.

Another girlfriend who is the love of his life. It finishes after 11 months and he wants me back, you may say I was a fool but I wanted a sibling for my child, he is not my partner just I let him come back and stay over as my child see's her Dad, after I was 6 month's gone and he still won't do stuff with DD1 decide I have had enough and I throw him out one summer night, and did not see him for 6 years, he pays support and I would never stop him seeing or talking to the kids, he always knows where we are.

In 2007 his Dad dies and that Xmas we all do Xmas at his mums, he cries he begs and he seems to love the kids and want to do stuff with them, I tell him he can see them anytime he lives, I still love him just not "In love " with him, and over time years that is we carry on us driving up twice a month 2 spend the weekend, he has Diabities and all the problems that go with it. But he is so boring to be with but the kids love their Daddy weekends and he keeps saying he loves me, I just won't let go of where we live to move to a big town.

This is the funny bit, he is on a very good wages and we were going to move up and live together, but a "Gold digger" starts hunting him, he feels wanted and she is 10 years younger than me, yes I knew her and was shocked with her plan to hook a bloke on a good wage and live the life. I thought he knew this as he was upset she has done this to his friend who had died. But oh no he was hooked by her. I was glad it was over truth to tell. The kids are a bit cut up as his lies have surfaced but they still see him and talk to him even if they won't go to their house.

The revengue.
He gave notice on his flat week before he moves in she loses her job.
She claims to be expecting but loses it. Boys was he mad she was going to have a baby.
He lost his Very Very well paid job 4 month's ago and is now on welfare.
Karma, Karma, Karma. It will get you in the end, and it's getting him.
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Old 09-22-2011, 04:24 AM   #562
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Just been reading all the pages, oh my you lot have been through the mill.

One thing that keeps coming out if that you are all happy to be out.

Mine has his kids and I stay in a motel, but he has never been alone with me since we split, as no way will he talk me into another chance and yes he is already unhappy with her and he looks like he is either very ill or getting over the illness, a 6 Foot man that is all skin an bones does not inspire someone to employ them.
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Old 09-22-2011, 04:21 PM   #563
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Believe me, I've learned more practical stuff from here than I did from all the books combined.
So true!!! That's just it.... I learned so much going through my divorce in 2000. So much of it, too, I wasn't "warned" about through any book or anyone. I always said that I would love to be able to help someone else and try to prevent them from making some of the same mistakes I did. Life experience counts for so much....
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Old 09-22-2011, 07:13 PM   #564
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It's been a minute since I posted! It's mostly been a good couple of days, but for some reason, tonight I miss the ex like crazy and I am so miserably lonely... I don't have to deal with this often so I really don't know what to do!
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Old 09-23-2011, 04:18 AM   #565
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It's been a minute since I posted! It's mostly been a good couple of days, but for some reason, tonight I miss the ex like crazy and I am so miserably lonely... I don't have to deal with this often so I really don't know what to do!
This is normal. I went through it too. You are still greiving the loss of the marriage. I is like a death, and those that have not gone through it don't understand that.
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Old 09-23-2011, 05:10 AM   #566
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This is normal. I went through it too. You are still greiving the loss of the marriage. I is like a death, and those that have not gone through it don't understand that.
It was normal for me in the beginning, but not for a pretty long time. It just hit me all of a sudden. It sucked!
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Old 09-23-2011, 05:49 AM   #567
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It was normal for me in the beginning, but not for a pretty long time. It just hit me all of a sudden. It sucked!
Did it give you the creepy crawlers? That's what happens to me when I allow myself to even think about my ex.
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Old 09-23-2011, 05:54 AM   #568
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Did it give you the creepy crawlers? That's what happens to me when I allow myself to even think about my ex.
No, even worse!! I wanted to call him and beg him to just come cuddle with me for the night!!
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Old 09-23-2011, 06:01 AM   #569
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Good luck to all of you!
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Old 09-23-2011, 06:21 AM   #570
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It was normal for me in the beginning, but not for a pretty long time. It just hit me all of a sudden. It sucked!
It's probably a lot from sharin your story with us. Sorry to make you think about it all again.
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Old 09-24-2011, 07:02 AM   #571
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It's been a minute since I posted! It's mostly been a good couple of days, but for some reason, tonight I miss the ex like crazy and I am so miserably lonely... I don't have to deal with this often so I really don't know what to do!
I had pangs like that for some time, on and off. Then, something would happen that reminded my why I made the decision I did. I would be grateful again, for not being with him. It is hard to rewire the brain.
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Old 09-24-2011, 03:24 PM   #572
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You know, I can honestly say i never once missed my ex one we headed down divorce road. I don't think that's normal, but I had put up with his BS and selfishness for so long, I was just basking in that sense of relief....
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Old 09-24-2011, 03:38 PM   #573
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I guess the only times I feel any type of slightly positive feelings was the first few birthdays after he was gone (of the kids). Now I really do not feel anything I sometimes get flustered when he does not treat the kids right....Taishea
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Old 09-24-2011, 05:47 PM   #574
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You know, I can honestly say i never once missed my ex one we headed down divorce road. I don't think that's normal, but I had put up with his BS and selfishness for so long, I was just basking in that sense of relief....
This would make you above normal (giggle). I don't miss either of my ex's, my life is lovely. I have forgiven them both, (along with others from my past), but have held onto the lesson I needed to learn from it. They never asked for forgiveness, my frist ex came close... he told me I didn't do anything wrong (DUH!!) and that he broke our marriage. My 2nd ex said he may have done some things wrong (BIGGER DUH!!). I have no time for their lack of responsibilty.

Happy Fall Ladies !!
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Old 09-25-2011, 04:26 AM   #575
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This would make you above normal (giggle). I don't miss either of my ex's, my life is lovely. I have forgiven them both, (along with others from my past), but have held onto the lesson I needed to learn from it. They never asked for forgiveness, my frist ex came close... he told me I didn't do anything wrong (DUH!!) and that he broke our marriage. My 2nd ex said he may have done some things wrong (BIGGER DUH!!). I have no time for their lack of responsibilty.

Happy Fall Ladies !!
Mine never accepted any responsibility.
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Old 09-25-2011, 12:32 PM   #576
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Mine never accepted any responsibility.
Mine didn't either... in fact, he has told me many times, "You have ruined my life." And that just shows you how out of touch with his own reality he is.

I know he was MUCH financially better off, as he had DEBT when we met. I am a saver and it KILLED me to have to split it with him because it was all my doing that we had that money... we both worked full time. I also was the one, in 1995 that got him the job he has, an engineer and an international corporation, a well-known one at that.

He never paid the kids ANY attention when we were married, so it wasn't like I was taking him away from kids he adored, either.
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Old 09-25-2011, 12:48 PM   #577
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Mine didn't either... in fact, he has told me many times, "You have ruined my life." And that just shows you how out of touch with his own reality he is.

I know he was MUCH financially better off, as he had DEBT when we met. I am a saver and it KILLED me to have to split it with him because it was all my doing that we had that money... we both worked full time. I also was the one, in 1995 that got him the job he has, an engineer and an international corporation, a well-known one at that.

He never paid the kids ANY attention when we were married, so it wasn't like I was taking him away from kids he adored, either.
That is called projection... he is projecting himself onto you. Both my ex's did that... We sure have lots of power where they are concerned ... lol
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Old 09-25-2011, 03:16 PM   #578
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That is called projection... he is projecting himself onto you. Both my ex's did that... We sure have lots of power where they are concerned ... lol
I know! It's so dumb!!! Truth be told, you allow your life to be ruined, if in fact you think it IS ruined. Trust me, he's had twenty times more "fun" than I have since the divorce, so if his is a ruined life, it's not so bad!!

But yeah, he can't take ownership for anything. When we were married, and even since, I would tell people that for some reason if the sun didn't rise one morning, somehow he'd blame it on me!!!
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Old 09-25-2011, 04:00 PM   #579
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Well, the creep has been bringing the sl*t to the kids' soccer games so I've seen her up close now. Really interesting. She's heavier than I thought she'd be and she's not pretty either. Really laughing though that she shows up to soccer games in short skirts - yay, so appropriate. At least they sit with the visiting team and don't come near me. LOL

I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse that she's nothing to look at. I do have to say that if she gets preggers she's really going to get heavy - you can tell by her body type. And I am on this incredible weight loss journey.....losing weight and feeling really good about me!! Very positive for a change!! Wouldn't it be funny if I end up skinny and happy??!!! I do think that will be sweet revenge - what a great motivator! I AM doing it for ME, but having that little bit of inspiration sure does help when you are contemplating eating some chips.
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Old 09-25-2011, 05:08 PM   #580
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Well, the creep has been bringing the sl*t to the kids' soccer games so I've seen her up close now. Really interesting. She's heavier than I thought she'd be and she's not pretty either. Really laughing though that she shows up to soccer games in short skirts - yay, so appropriate. At least they sit with the visiting team and don't come near me. LOL

I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse that she's nothing to look at. I do have to say that if she gets preggers she's really going to get heavy - you can tell by her body type. And I am on this incredible weight loss journey.....losing weight and feeling really good about me!! Very positive for a change!! Wouldn't it be funny if I end up skinny and happy??!!! I do think that will be sweet revenge - what a great motivator! I AM doing it for ME, but having that little bit of inspiration sure does help when you are contemplating eating some chips.
They seldom trade up... lol The best revenge is to do well and prosper.
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:09 AM   #581
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They seldom trade up... lol The best revenge is to do well and prosper.
I don't think seldom is the word... They NEVER trade up!! Lol!!
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Old 09-26-2011, 08:33 PM   #582
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Well, the creep has been bringing the sl*t to the kids' soccer games so I've seen her up close now. Really interesting. She's heavier than I thought she'd be and she's not pretty either. Really laughing though that she shows up to soccer games in short skirts - yay, so appropriate. At least they sit with the visiting team and don't come near me. LOL

I don't know if it makes me feel better or worse that she's nothing to look at. I do have to say that if she gets preggers she's really going to get heavy - you can tell by her body type. And I am on this incredible weight loss journey.....losing weight and feeling really good about me!! Very positive for a change!! Wouldn't it be funny if I end up skinny and happy??!!! I do think that will be sweet revenge - what a great motivator! I AM doing it for ME, but having that little bit of inspiration sure does help when you are contemplating eating some chips.
I remember my ex, and he would have been about 35 at the time, me 33, bringing a 19-year-old girlfriend of his, to our son's baseball game, and our son was about 10 or so. She was falling out of her top, and she had these little tattoos of paw prints across her bazooms. I thought it was funny, but I was embarrassed for the kids. This girl looked so sleazy! Not sure where he met that one, but he went through a "young" phase for a while!
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Old 09-26-2011, 09:25 PM   #583
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Mine is 45 and has a 35 yo "friend". Told him he'd better not bring her around the kids at all until the divorce is final... if he values any kind of a relationship the kids may have with her. We'll see what happens.
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Old 09-27-2011, 03:35 AM   #584
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I miss the friendship more than him, he can be a really good friend. but as I get older I know that I can make friends very easily.

I do laugh though as when I drop the kids off he is like a Robot, now decided after the last time when he would not look up that she may have been around both times as he was so scared to look or talk to me.

Oh and get this he always moves and never takes his ex with him, he is talking about a job 150 miles away from her and in the UK that is a long distance, seems she has no idea they are shout "Come in number 2 your time is up!"

All I can say is you lot seem to be going onto bigger and better things, and sometimes we do get what we deserve, and I am wishing it for all of you.
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Old 09-27-2011, 04:22 AM   #585
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I miss the friendship more than him, he can be a really good friend. but as I get older I know that I can make friends very easily.

I do laugh though as when I drop the kids off he is like a Robot, now decided after the last time when he would not look up that she may have been around both times as he was so scared to look or talk to me.

Oh and get this he always moves and never takes his ex with him, he is talking about a job 150 miles away from her and in the UK that is a long distance, seems she has no idea they are shout "Come in number 2 your time is up!"

All I can say is you lot seem to be going onto bigger and better things, and sometimes we do get what we deserve, and I am wishing it for all of you.
Thank you for your well wishes. Hope you can find the friendship and happiness you deserve also! Too bad it has to be such a painful pursuit.
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Old 09-27-2011, 05:02 AM   #586
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I've got court in an hour and a half over the ex paying some toward college. My stomach is in a huge knot. I think it will just get continued, but I get to meet his "father's rights" shark of an attorney and see what happens. It'll be interesting either way.

You know how a lot of people HATE hospitals? That's how I feel about court houses!! They give me the creeps!
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Old 09-27-2011, 06:26 AM   #587
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I've got court in an hour and a half over the ex paying some toward college. My stomach is in a huge knot. I think it will just get continued, but I get to meet his "father's rights" shark of an attorney and see what happens. It'll be interesting either way.

You know how a lot of people HATE hospitals? That's how I feel about court houses!! They give me the creeps!
Good luck, hope it goes well and in your favor so you don't have to go back!
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Old 09-27-2011, 02:49 PM   #588
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I've got court in an hour and a half over the ex paying some toward college. My stomach is in a huge knot. I think it will just get continued, but I get to meet his "father's rights" shark of an attorney and see what happens. It'll be interesting either way.

You know how a lot of people HATE hospitals? That's how I feel about court houses!! They give me the creeps!
Thinking of you. Hope it went well.
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Old 09-28-2011, 04:17 AM   #589
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Found this quote on FaceBook.


"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
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Old 09-28-2011, 08:45 AM   #590
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Well, more torture. I love the legal system .... NOT!!!!!!! We are continued until Nov. 15. The reason is ... I had no intention of getting a lawyer for this, did not want to spend the money just because my ex is being an idiot. I went for a consultation a week prior and decided I better get one for a few things. Paid a $1K retainer (which made me MAD that I had to do it at all ... to get my ex to pay HIS half of college .... $3,300 ... when I had already paid my half.... ). Anyway, since my lawyer got into the game late, it's being continued. Geez. I started this thing in early August. The good thing is that I saw him (ex) walk by and he was PO'd. He thought he would be walking out of there a "winner" ... to steamroll me. I don't think he expected me to have a lawyer. But when he walked by his face was BEET red, which means he was TICKED. His parents are paying his legal fees... I'm sure they thought he would be in and out and done yesterday, so now they get to pay some more. And his attorney drives in from downtown Chicago to the suburbs (here where I live).... that's gotta add up, too! It's all so dumb... I am not asking for ANYTHING more than I already paid, an equal share!!!! I could see if I was asking for more. There comes a time when you have to do what is RIGHT by your kids and just let the rest go. I did that long ago. He hasn't managed it, but he IS that selfish!

OK.... guess I wait and see what happens between now and Nov. 15!!!!

Hugs and best wishes to you all!
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Old 09-28-2011, 09:12 AM   #591
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Good for you, sticking to your guns! Kind of happy he is mad! hee hee.....I am so glad you are able to fight for this.
Hugs right back at you!
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Old 09-28-2011, 01:05 PM   #592
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You go girl! Maybe the extra time will give the lawyer time to get a real good argument going, but sorry for the delay on your part.
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Old 09-28-2011, 07:45 PM   #593
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Yeah, it did feel good!!! The thing is, I never wish really bad things on people, but someone like him deserves a few bumps in the road to come his way. It's one of those situations where you'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall on that ride home.

I just don't get that line of thinking... he'll pay as much in legal fees for this semester as he would have for the tuition. So you'd rather some snake of a lawyer have the money than your kid's college? I truly can't get that no matter how many times I think about it!!!
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Old 09-29-2011, 06:20 PM   #594
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Well my bro and his wife just landed in Vegas... the long weekend vacation I was supposed to be on with my "hubby" for our 15th anniversary next Tuesday.
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Old 09-29-2011, 07:21 PM   #595
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Well my bro and his wife just landed in Vegas... the long weekend vacation I was supposed to be on with my "hubby" for our 15th anniversary next Tuesday.
When things settle down some, make it a point to get on a plane and enjoy Vegas! You could always take me with you... haven't been there since 1991! LOL!!! I could use a vacation!
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Old 09-29-2011, 08:48 PM   #596
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Yep, January I started looking up pricing, thinking we really needed some time away together, and a few months later he decided time away together was good too only he did it with someone else. Still having a hard time with it, but each day gets easier.
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Old 09-29-2011, 08:50 PM   #597
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When things settle down some, make it a point to get on a plane and enjoy Vegas! You could always take me with you... haven't been there since 1991! LOL!!! I could use a vacation!
It's on my bucket list for sure, one place I haven't been to yet. Guess I'll enjoy it better with someone that likes to travel.
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Old 09-30-2011, 01:10 AM   #598
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Can't help thinking the he's our son and I'm willing to scrape half together why can't you. Is sort of a good arguement, half wish your son could pop intot he court too so Daddy can argue why not to pay while his son watches.

Wonder how many dad's would like their children to see just how petty they really are, my girls don't see daddy through rose coloured glasses anymore due to his own fault, but lucky for him I tell them they can love him or hate him but remember he is the only one you will ever get.
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Old 09-30-2011, 05:17 AM   #599
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Can't help thinking the he's our son and I'm willing to scrape half together why can't you. Is sort of a good arguement, half wish your son could pop intot he court too so Daddy can argue why not to pay while his son watches.

Wonder how many dad's would like their children to see just how petty they really are, my girls don't see daddy through rose coloured glasses anymore due to his own fault, but lucky for him I tell them they can love him or hate him but remember he is the only one you will ever get.
For better or worse, I raised my kids (ages 14 and 19) to always be VERY respectful. I think it is that foundation that prevents them from just really letting their dad have it. YET, they will come to me and vent about it. I listen but try not to say too much, just kind of reminding them to take it for what it is and not take ANYTHING personally that he does.

I can't see how the judge won't order the equal college payment, but there are a lot of hoops to jump through to get to it. She did order it last year. I mean, if my son is taking a $6,500 loan (max he can take from the government) and I am paying about the same per year, good ol' dad could surely manage. I mean, he and his wife together make $60K (approx.) more than my husband and I!! He truly is THAT selfish!!!!!!
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Old 09-30-2011, 07:16 AM   #600
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It's on my bucket list for sure, one place I haven't been to yet. Guess I'll enjoy it better with someone that likes to travel.
This reminds me of that song "She Let Herself Go" by George Strait! I love that song!!
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