In the Forums

Register

Today's Posts

Search


Get the Weekly
Inkling
newsletter





Previous Issues

Get Social

Like Splitcoaststampers on Facebook Follow Splitcoaststampers on Twitter Watch Splitcoaststampers Videos on YouTube

Sponsored Ads


 
Splitcoaststampers.com - the world's #1 papercrafting community
You're currently viewing Splitcoaststampers as a GUEST. We pride ourselves on being great hosts, but guests have limited access to some of our incredible artwork, our lively forums and other super cool features of the site! You can join our incredible papercrafting community at NO COST. So what are you waiting for?

Join the party at Splitcoaststampers today!

Like Tree2Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 09-15-2011, 08:06 PM   #481
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynamom View Post
I think counseling is good, too... my only big concern is getting the wrong counselor. I think if you get the wrong one, then it can do more harm than good, so I've always been leery about it. BUT, in theory, I love the concept.
I've been in counseling tons myself, and I think if you were to get the wrong counselor, you would know it! If you don't feel 100% completely comfortable and able to be open with your counselor you should probably seek out a new one. I can see where that would be a concern, I just think that if you were to encounter the wrong counselor you would know and be able to switch.
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2011, 08:16 PM   #482
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndi322 View Post
Well I hope everything goes ok on Saturday, thats a really hard thing to do!! I couldn't stand to be around my ex, I really still can't stand to! If all else fails, enjoy your dinner and sight seeing with the kids!!
Wow, there's people here!

Well the only upside is he'll be "working", so we'll be down in the stands or in the grass in our lawn chairs. Hoping for the chairs though ds1 likes to be down front to take pics of the cars; my contacts don't like the dirt that the tires toss around and it's silly to wear sunglasses when it's so dark out. And the kids usually take over the conversations in the car though they'll probably sleep on the way home. Maybe I'll sit in back with the girls and the boys can talk with dad.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2011, 08:22 PM   #483
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

By the 3rd appt I was pretty comfy with mine. The first two I was leary because of not knowing what to expect and reading about finding the right one, but the next one a light bulb sort of went off that said I'd be okay so I guess that was my sign.

I recently connected with another mother of four whose husband also left and had an affair (we uncannily have lots in common, including close in age kids and in the same school), and she went through 3-4 counselors before finding the right one. She had other issues as well, especially with her dad leaving her family when she was younger, he also had an affair, so was looking for a sort of "father figure" in a counselor I guess she said.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-15-2011, 08:26 PM   #484
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Now the counselor we are seeing as a couple (not for couple therapy, strictly for figuring out how/what to tell the kids, because he "doesn't want anyone telling him how he feels is wrong or that he should change") I do not like! And it's not that he sides with dh, and I'm not really sure what it is, but I don't care for him at all. Then again, we've only seen him once and I was pretty ticked at the other one that day.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 03:27 AM   #485
Crimping Master
 
cletracloversgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Just where I want to be.....
Posts: 1,083
Send a message via Yahoo to cletracloversgirl
Default

Laurie...you are so strong to be able to spend time with him....I know you are oding it for the kids though...I will be thinking about you and praying for you too...

I despise spending any time near the x....Last Friday my oldest was playing football and got a concussion and was taken to the hospital..yes the x was there, how uncomfortable I was...he makes my skin crawl...however I had to put aside my feeling about that and be there for my son...he is doing much better and is still not allowed to play for 2 more weeks....Hang in there things will look up someday when you least expect it!
Taishea
__________________
My beautiful rings. The plain band was the last wedding band my Mother wore. The hanky it is pictured on, my husband carried the day we got married!
cletracloversgirl is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:12 AM   #486
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Yeah I don't care to be around mine either, but I guess for different reasons. He doesn't really make me uncomfortable, it's just that when I'm around him he attempts to be nice and for a split second I see the Steven I married instead of the one he became and that makes me start to miss him, something I DO NOT want to do! Even if he were to promise to change every negative about him, it wouldn't matter. I'm too hurt and I won't live the rest of my life wondering if he's being true to me. I'd rather be alone and know that I'm not cheating on myself than with him and wondering if he is!! Then other times I'm around him I just want to ninja attack his face, and, well, that's not good either!! So just staying away kinda works... out of sight, out of mind.

I guess I've been lucky with counselors, or it's just easy for me to open up to people. My last one I loved and I can't wait to go see again. I had to take a break because of my schedule but hopefully I'll be able to go again soon.

Cletracloversgirl, Glad to hear your son is doing better and will get to play soon!
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:38 AM   #487
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Concussions are so scary, please don't let him rush getting back to the field.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 06:12 AM   #488
Crimping Master
 
cletracloversgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Just where I want to be.....
Posts: 1,083
Send a message via Yahoo to cletracloversgirl
Default

Thanks Cyndi and Laurie, thankfully his Dr. is very proactive about him being COMPLETELY healed BEFORE going back to play...even told him he might have to spend the season out.....Yes, Seth is bummed, but understands why he has to not play right now..He is getting an MRI too if the insurance approves it...

Cyndi, stay wise about the x...my x tried to be nice and promise things..then to just turn around and be a jerk...every once in a while we have a conversation that is nice...maybe once every 2 years or so....then and only then do I catch a glimpse of who I married 18 years ago..do I have feelings towards him...yeah...rarely usually on the oldest's birthday...That is one of the hardest times for me just because we were young and totally in love and having our little boy....after all these years I can see that after all , I am thankful for my 4 kids and that I do not regret that we shared because of the kids. it was about the only way I could heal and get over things....I have 4 great kids...and am happily married now to a great man...I guess one could say the x is a stepping stone to happiness...Sorry to ramble on and on...I still do not like the x today for what my kids had to go through..they are still suffering to a point..I now have all teen and one tween...that is hard on a kid let alone us parents...well gotta get back to cleaning...have a great day ladies! Taishea
__________________
My beautiful rings. The plain band was the last wedding band my Mother wore. The hanky it is pictured on, my husband carried the day we got married!
cletracloversgirl is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 06:20 AM   #489
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Oh I know! Even though my heart wanted it all back so badly, my head knew better and this time around I listened to my head. Once someone shows you their true colors, it's hard to forget. Then you're constantly going to wonder if they are going to resort to their bad ways. Just knowing he is capable of hurting me like that is enough for me to stay away!! I wasn't always so sure though, a couple months ago I let him come back for a couple days and I realized I was more miserable with him around than I was alone, thats when I knew I just had to let go. And I let go of it all! I let go of him and most of the anger I have towards him. I've been a lot happier since!!
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 10:32 AM   #490
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

The hurt is exactly it. He talks about this hurt I caused him, but it was unintentional and could have been changed/rectified. But by having an affair and lying and sleeping around and sexting on the internet with the kids just feet away...this is intentional hurt and he could have at least waited until he filed for divorce or at the very least moved out FIRST!!! He doesn't understand the difference... so for this, there is no going back, there is no forgiveness, there is lots of hate and I hope to lessen the hate for the kids' sake. I don't think I can ever forgive, but we'll see.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 12:14 PM   #491
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

You can forgive and you should, but not for him, for you!! If you walk around with anger and hurt all the time over this, you give him power over your emotions!! One of my favorite quotes to live by is "the opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is indifference". Love takes a lot of emotion and if you think about it, hate takes just as much emotion. Being indifferent, however, does not take any emotion!! So the opposite of feeling all those emotions, whether they are love or hate, is feeling no emotion at all... indifference! This is why you should forgive, but for you!!
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 12:45 PM   #492
Kookie Creator
 
scrappingramma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Southeast Florida
Posts: 480
Send a message via Yahoo to scrappingramma
Default

This is so true, we must forgive or the hate will eat at us like a cancer. I believe in forgiving. However, I don't forget the lesson I needed to learn from it.
__________________
~Mary~
Happiness is in the Heart, not in the Circumstances
My avatar is me with my grandchildren
scrappingramma is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 01:10 PM   #493
Crimping Master
 
cletracloversgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Just where I want to be.....
Posts: 1,083
Send a message via Yahoo to cletracloversgirl
Default

Forgiving is a must! That way YOU can grow! Is the forgiveness all at once...in some areas, but in time ALL areas will be forgiven. It is the hardest gift you will give yourself...and the forgiveness is for you not him....it so the children involved can learn how to forgive also... Try to have a good weekend...Taishea
__________________
My beautiful rings. The plain band was the last wedding band my Mother wore. The hanky it is pictured on, my husband carried the day we got married!
cletracloversgirl is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 03:45 PM   #494
Kookie Creator
 
scrappingramma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Southeast Florida
Posts: 480
Send a message via Yahoo to scrappingramma
Default

Have a good weekend everyone, be kind and forgiving of yourself.

Hugs
__________________
~Mary~
Happiness is in the Heart, not in the Circumstances
My avatar is me with my grandchildren
scrappingramma is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 03:51 PM   #495
Watercolor Wizard
 
Cynamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 8,110
Default

The thing for me, and my divorce was 10 years ago, is that I have an easy time with the forgiving part, but a much harder time with the forgetting. I know we never TRULY forget, it's just part of the human brain, but I find it hard to find a healthy way to live with some of it day to day, even though I have long since forgiven. Plus, some of what he does continues to affect me, like not paying for his equal part of our son's college. Everyone always says, "Forgive and forget" .... but no one really ever talks about how hard the forgetting part is and that while you CAN truly forgive, you can't forget.... so how do you handle it?

My ex was always self-centered and BAD with money. I was the opposite on both counts. I divorced him and moved on. BUT, those same things come back all these years later to bite me in the backside when he buys a Porsche two-seater, takes trips to Europe, builds a motorcycle collection, has a big wedding and big country club reception, then tells me he doesn't have $3,500 for college for his only son, a great, deserving kid. It's like it's just SO hard to forget when it rears it's ugly head... the same old things he always did, he's still doing... only now there are real costs....
__________________
Silly me! Check out my blog at http://mommagetsreal.blogspot.com/
Cynamom is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 03:55 PM   #496
Watercolor Wizard
 
Cynamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 8,110
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
The hurt is exactly it. He talks about this hurt I caused him, but it was unintentional and could have been changed/rectified. But by having an affair and lying and sleeping around and sexting on the internet with the kids just feet away...this is intentional hurt and he could have at least waited until he filed for divorce or at the very least moved out FIRST!!! He doesn't understand the difference... so for this, there is no going back, there is no forgiveness, there is lots of hate and I hope to lessen the hate for the kids' sake. I don't think I can ever forgive, but we'll see.
Yeah, I know what you mean about working so hard at things for the kids. I have been biting my tongue about their father so long I am sure there is a hole right through by now!!!
__________________
Silly me! Check out my blog at http://mommagetsreal.blogspot.com/
Cynamom is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 04:34 PM   #497
Kookie Creator
 
scrappingramma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Southeast Florida
Posts: 480
Send a message via Yahoo to scrappingramma
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynamom View Post
The thing for me, and my divorce was 10 years ago, is that I have an easy time with the forgiving part, but a much harder time with the forgetting. I know we never TRULY forget, it's just part of the human brain, but I find it hard to find a healthy way to live with some of it day to day, even though I have long since forgiven. Plus, some of what he does continues to affect me, like not paying for his equal part of our son's college. Everyone always says, "Forgive and forget" .... but no one really ever talks about how hard the forgetting part is and that while you CAN truly forgive, you can't forget.... so how do you handle it?

My ex was always self-centered and BAD with money. I was the opposite on both counts. I divorced him and moved on. BUT, those same things come back all these years later to bite me in the backside when he buys a Porsche two-seater, takes trips to Europe, builds a motorcycle collection, has a big wedding and big country club reception, then tells me he doesn't have $3,500 for college for his only son, a great, deserving kid. It's like it's just SO hard to forget when it rears it's ugly head... the same old things he always did, he's still doing... only now there are real costs....
I think the way it's supposed to go is if a person asks for forgiveness, then we are to forgive and forget,,,, when they don't ask... we forgive, so the pain, anger, and bitterness doesn't hold us back from moving on.
__________________
~Mary~
Happiness is in the Heart, not in the Circumstances
My avatar is me with my grandchildren
scrappingramma is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 04:38 PM   #498
Kookie Creator
 
scrappingramma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Southeast Florida
Posts: 480
Send a message via Yahoo to scrappingramma
Talking

Just saw this on FaceBook... haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


Was wondering when Karma was going to get You~ Then I saw your new wife and realized it already had~ Thanks karma~ I owe u one~
__________________
~Mary~
Happiness is in the Heart, not in the Circumstances
My avatar is me with my grandchildren
scrappingramma is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 04:44 PM   #499
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndi322 View Post
You can forgive and you should, but not for him, for you!! If you walk around with anger and hurt all the time over this, you give him power over your emotions!! One of my favorite quotes to live by is "the opposite of love is not hate, the opposite of love is indifference". Love takes a lot of emotion and if you think about it, hate takes just as much emotion. Being indifferent, however, does not take any emotion!! So the opposite of feeling all those emotions, whether they are love or hate, is feeling no emotion at all... indifference! This is why you should forgive, but for you!!
That's a good one, adding it to my book. Hate would take effort and "indifference" is better than "not caring" because to not care would mean you'd have to think about it... I could see this as a favorite too! Thanks.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 04:49 PM   #500
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
That's a good one, adding it to my book. Hate would take effort and "indifference" is better than "not caring" because to not care would mean you'd have to think about it... I could see this as a favorite too! Thanks.
You're very welcome! It helps me on a day to day basis, and I figured if it would work for me, it would work for someone else too!!
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 04:51 PM   #501
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynamom View Post
The thing for me, and my divorce was 10 years ago, is that I have an easy time with the forgiving part, but a much harder time with the forgetting. I know we never TRULY forget, it's just part of the human brain, but I find it hard to find a healthy way to live with some of it day to day, even though I have long since forgiven. Plus, some of what he does continues to affect me, like not paying for his equal part of our son's college. Everyone always says, "Forgive and forget" .... but no one really ever talks about how hard the forgetting part is and that while you CAN truly forgive, you can't forget.... so how do you handle it?

My ex was always self-centered and BAD with money. I was the opposite on both counts. I divorced him and moved on. BUT, those same things come back all these years later to bite me in the backside when he buys a Porsche two-seater, takes trips to Europe, builds a motorcycle collection, has a big wedding and big country club reception, then tells me he doesn't have $3,500 for college for his only son, a great, deserving kid. It's like it's just SO hard to forget when it rears it's ugly head... the same old things he always did, he's still doing... only now there are real costs....
I have never believed in forgive and forget! Like you said it's completely against our nature to forget most things, especially hurt someone has caused us, that's the hardest to forget. I've always believed in forgive and let go, or forgive and move on. They are both much more realistic!!

Oh and my ex is the same way!! He'll pay his girlfriends bills, buy new stuff for himself but will not help me or the kids at all!! It's ok though, I think it bites him in the *** that I don't need him!
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 04:54 PM   #502
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by scrappingramma View Post
Just saw this on FaceBook... haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


Was wondering when Karma was going to get You~ Then I saw your new wife and realized it already had~ Thanks karma~ I owe u one~
Haha!! Love it!! Karma really does work!!
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 04:59 PM   #503
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by scrappingramma View Post
Just saw this on FaceBook... haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


Was wondering when Karma was going to get You~ Then I saw your new wife and realized it already had~ Thanks karma~ I owe u one~
Love it!
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 04:59 PM   #504
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Hi Cyndi - look at your post count go up and up!
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:06 PM   #505
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
Hi Cyndi - look at your post count go up and up!
I know!! I've been on this site for a while and was never really active!! I decided I need to be more active, lol!! I'm hoping being on the site more will get me into being artistic more, my one true passion that has gotten lost in the jumbled mess of my life, lol!!
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:13 PM   #506
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynamom View Post
The thing for me, and my divorce was 10 years ago, is that I have an easy time with the forgiving part, but a much harder time with the forgetting. I know we never TRULY forget, it's just part of the human brain, but I find it hard to find a healthy way to live with some of it day to day, even though I have long since forgiven. Plus, some of what he does continues to affect me, like not paying for his equal part of our son's college. Everyone always says, "Forgive and forget" .... but no one really ever talks about how hard the forgetting part is and that while you CAN truly forgive, you can't forget.... so how do you handle it?

My ex was always self-centered and BAD with money. I was the opposite on both counts. I divorced him and moved on. BUT, those same things come back all these years later to bite me in the backside when he buys a Porsche two-seater, takes trips to Europe, builds a motorcycle collection, has a big wedding and big country club reception, then tells me he doesn't have $3,500 for college for his only son, a great, deserving kid. It's like it's just SO hard to forget when it rears it's ugly head... the same old things he always did, he's still doing... only now there are real costs....
I can see why forgetting wouldn't work for you because he's doing it over and over and over again. If mine ends up marrying this person (or even just living with her) she will forever be known to me as the home-wrecking whxxe so I guess I'll never be able to forget either.

My therapist said today that I may never be able to forgive something as hurtful as this but I need to be strong and move on so that's where I'll start. I may forgive eventually but it was so intentional, that's where I get hung up. If you fall out of love, you fall out of love, but bring in the 3rd party, it's absolutely avoidable and a whole other ballgame.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:16 PM   #507
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndi322 View Post
I know!! I've been on this site for a while and was never really active!! I decided I need to be more active, lol!! I'm hoping being on the site more will get me into being artistic more, my one true passion that has gotten lost in the jumbled mess of my life, lol!!
Same here, scrapbooking and card making and I haven't done either in so long. My stash of cards is almost completely out. I have 3 kids bdays at the end of next month and I'd rather make invites than have to buy them. Maybe that's what I need to get my mind off of things.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:20 PM   #508
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
I can see why forgetting wouldn't work for you because he's doing it over and over and over again. If mine ends up marrying this person (or even just living with her) she will forever be known to me as the home-wrecking whxxe so I guess I'll never be able to forget either.

My therapist said today that I may never be able to forgive something as hurtful as this but I need to be strong and move on so that's where I'll start. I may forgive eventually but it was so intentional, that's where I get hung up. If you fall out of love, you fall out of love, but bring in the 3rd party, it's absolutely avoidable and a whole other ballgame.
I agree and felt the same way, and actually now that you mention I probably haven't forgiven him completely, I still resent him at times, but I have moved on more importantly. He hardly ever crosses my mind anymore. And I'm sure I will be able to forgive him completely if I haven't yet. I can look back and while I remember and miss being so in love with him and the great times we had, he showed me his true colors and I am actually thankful to him for that. I got out of a situation rather early that could have made the rest of my life miserable. I thank him for putting me in a much better place! And I think I can also forgive him for the simple fact that he is a direct result of his upbringing and his parents are horrendous people!! I honestly cannot blame him for the way he turned out and his actions this past year reflect exactly how he was raised. I just almost wish I would have seen the warning signs earlier!
__________________
Cyndi
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:23 PM   #509
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
Same here, scrapbooking and card making and I haven't done either in so long. My stash of cards is almost completely out. I have 3 kids bdays at the end of next month and I'd rather make invites than have to buy them. Maybe that's what I need to get my mind off of things.
There's a reason the quote "scrapbooking is cheaper than therapy" was coined! Although I'm starting to believe that whoever came up with that clearly did not participate in therapy and grossly overrestimated the cost of therapy, because scrapping and cardmaking IS NOT CHEAP!! Lol!

Art in itself is very therapeutic! I'm working towards my Masters in Art Therapy actually!! I can't wait until I graduate with it!
__________________
Cyndi
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:26 PM   #510
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndi322 View Post
There's a reason the quote "scrapbooking is cheaper than therapy" was coined! Although I'm starting to believe that whoever came up with that clearly did not participate in therapy and grossly overrestimated the cost of therapy, because scrapping and cardmaking IS NOT CHEAP!! Lol!

Art in itself is very therapeutic! I'm working towards my Masters in Art Therapy actually!! I can't wait until I graduate with it!
What would you do with that type of Masters? Sounds very intriguing...
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:34 PM   #511
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndi322 View Post
I agree and felt the same way, and actually now that you mention I probably haven't forgiven him completely, I still resent him at times, but I have moved on more importantly. He hardly ever crosses my mind anymore. And I'm sure I will be able to forgive him completely if I haven't yet. I can look back and while I remember and miss being so in love with him and the great times we had, he showed me his true colors and I am actually thankful to him for that. I got out of a situation rather early that could have made the rest of my life miserable. I thank him for putting me in a much better place! And I think I can also forgive him for the simple fact that he is a direct result of his upbringing and his parents are horrendous people!! I honestly cannot blame him for the way he turned out and his actions this past year reflect exactly how he was raised. I just almost wish I would have seen the warning signs earlier!
There must be something in the upbringing of mine also. He has sweet parents but sort of a backwards way to raise 9 kids. Ironically this is son number 4 to be divorced so there must be something to say about it. The middle brother is not married and the youngest one is married, a year after we did as a matter of fact. I just want to call her and say "beware, but I hope the curse breaks with you!" And for the 3 girls, the oldest is still married but has had her share of ups and downs, the middle one is 37 and I don't think has ever dated but knows it all about dating/marriage/child-rearing, etc. The youngest is 27 and has been "seeing" a guy that lives in Atlanta for 4 yrs, they met in college and we live in Minnesota. She won't date other people because she feels connected to him but she won't move there and he won't move back here. So they break up for a day, he gets drunk and calls her whining how he misses her, and there they are, a couple again. I think it's also ironic that he's never met their parents but my guy has already introduced his thing to his parents.
__________________
Laurie

Last edited by laurlynn; 09-16-2011 at 05:43 PM..
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:46 PM   #512
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
What would you do with that type of Masters? Sounds very intriguing...
My plan is to use it to help children with emotional problems!! I had a rough childhood so I can relate and had to overcome a lot of the same emotional problems that affect a lot of children and art therapy serves two main purposes. The first being, a childs art can say a lot about how they feel even when they won't tell you. This will help me with those children who have a hard time opening up. The second main purpose is boosting a child's self-esteem which is the first step to overcoming a lot of these problems. Usually no matter what a child is going through, when they accomplish something great, an awesome piece of artwork in this case, or learn something new, a different type of artwork, that child becomes proud of themself instead of feeling down on themself as most usually do! I am the perfect example actually. The death of my father and becoming a teen mom were the two most substantial events in my life, well up until my divorce! Despite being told I would never amount to anything after I became pregnant at 16, I proved everyone wrong. Art was a way for me to find myself. No matter how my day went, art made it better instantly. I plan to use my knowledge of the affects of art to help children feel better about themselves no matter their situation. I think art is one of the best ways to make someone realize that they really can do whatever they put their mind to and once they believe in themselves, there is no limit to their potential. I think all children hear the old cliché that they can be whatever they want to be, but I don’t think most of them believe it! Our world needs to be full of children who believe it!
__________________
Cyndi
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:50 PM   #513
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

That's great, sound like you got yourself a plan!

I had a hard time watching a lot of the 9/11 stuff, but the one story I did watch all of was a boy that was 9 at the time and he I think is pursuing the same degree. He said that exact thing, that art helped him express what he felt without having to say a word, especially when he really didn't know what he was feeling.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:55 PM   #514
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Just got invited to a 50th wedding anniversary.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 05:58 PM   #515
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
That's great, sound like you got yourself a plan!

I had a hard time watching a lot of the 9/11 stuff, but the one story I did watch all of was a boy that was 9 at the time and he I think is pursuing the same degree. He said that exact thing, that art helped him express what he felt without having to say a word, especially when he really didn't know what he was feeling.
Yeah I love all types of art!! I paint, airbrush, do fabric painting, stained glass, scrapbooking, card making, play with vinyl, oil pastels, I even do tattoos!! I love all mediums!!
__________________
Cyndi
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 06:01 PM   #516
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
Just got invited to a 50th wedding anniversary.
My best friend got married a couple months after my ex left me. Ironically, I was very happy for her. She had been through a really bad relationship and break up for her son's father, and was alone for a while. She was so deserving to find someone to love her the way she deserved! But if it's too soon, there is nothing wrong with politely declining the invitation!
__________________
Cyndi
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 06:08 PM   #517
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Luckily my parents are graciously taking the kids and I up north for a couple days that same weekend. It's a weekend trip I'd been trying to plan for him, I and the kids for years, but then he'd started with his medical issues. When he asked last week what this was about and how much it was going to cost him, I said absolutely nothing, even after I offered. But I may take some $$ with to splurge for dinner one night, just to say thank you. He's such a prick sometimes! But there's $$ to spend on a motel with her, a couple trips in gas $$ to his parents with her, and whatever other dates because as a gentleman he certainly wouldn't have allowed her to pay. And then I'm supposed to tell the pastor at church that we can't afford the confirmation retreat fees for ds1. I said "sorry, no I can't lie to the pastor about it knowing what you've spent money on... but feel free to go talk to him yourself since you're such a good liar these days!"
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 06:11 PM   #518
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyndi322 View Post
My best friend got married a couple months after my ex left me. Ironically, I was very happy for her. She had been through a really bad relationship and break up for her son's father, and was alone for a while. She was so deserving to find someone to love her the way she deserved! But if it's too soon, there is nothing wrong with politely declining the invitation!
My cousin got married last weekend. I did pretty well except for one of the solos, I cried a little bit and dd2 caught me and gave me a hug, which just made it worse. But for the most part, I was happy for them.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 06:12 PM   #519
Stazon Splitcoast
 
laurlynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: MN
Posts: 29,921
Default

Disappearing for a bit... ds wants to use the laptop and I better get the girls to bed.
__________________
Laurie
laurlynn is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 09-16-2011, 06:15 PM   #520
Rubber Obsessor
 
Cyndi322's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 139
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by laurlynn View Post
Luckily my parents are graciously taking the kids and I up north for a couple days that same weekend. It's a weekend trip I'd been trying to plan for him, I and the kids for years, but then he'd started with his medical issues. When he asked last week what this was about and how much it was going to cost him, I said absolutely nothing, even after I offered. But I may take some $$ with to splurge for dinner one night, just to say thank you. He's such a prick sometimes! But there's $$ to spend on a motel with her, a couple trips in gas $$ to his parents with her, and whatever other dates because as a gentleman he certainly wouldn't have allowed her to pay. And then I'm supposed to tell the pastor at church that we can't afford the confirmation retreat fees for ds1. I said "sorry, no I can't lie to the pastor about it knowing what you've spent money on... but feel free to go talk to him yourself since you're such a good liar these days!"
Ha! So he knows you know about the money he's spent on her??? Go you for saying that!! I would have told him that this week was about getting away from him and I would cost him whatever I decided to spend!! I saw on our joint bank statement a couple charges to an adult store and a charge to a very expensive dinner, and I immediately went and emptied out the account!! He had so many checks bounce!! Haha!! He should have thought about that!! How did he introduce her to his parents? I am still appalled that his parents allowed him to bring her around already!! I could understand them not being able to say much once you guys are divorced, but not while he's still living with you! They are just condoning his atrocious behavior!!
__________________
Cyndi
Cyndi322 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Reply





Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off