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Old 09-03-2011, 09:50 AM   #441
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Okay, up and at 'em. I'm done crying, pouting, moping, time to get showered and get busy. I knew I'd be down after they left today so I gave myself time to cry, now I'm taking all your advice and keeping myself busy until they get home tomorrow.

Thanks, ladies, for helping me through! I hope I'm able to help someone else along the way they way you've helped me!
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Old 09-03-2011, 12:19 PM   #442
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Laurie...My mom always told me that the less that is said the better...the kids dad is like that he feels that he was not doing wrong...yet when approached about ANY subject concerning the grounds for the divorce, he is VERY hostile.....however I have learned to keep quiet...it really makes him angry..because there is not a reaction..I make a game of it now...it quite funny at times.....hang in there things will eventually work out...and know I and most if not all of us know how you are feeling and what you are going through.....

I did not get my dr. appointment...got to love the union and the hours that must be worked to have insurance...we are getting other insurance for a while...just waiting for it to kick in....so I will take better care of me...vitamins and more exercise....not exactly sure what is wrong...could be pregnancy OR early menopause.... looking at my age and the fact that the pregnancy tests have all come back negative, but I feel pregnant....maybe my mind is over active...?...time will tell...have a wonderful weekend ladies...we are off to a chicken roast! Taishea
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Old 09-03-2011, 12:20 PM   #443
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Laurie, your so welcome....Taishea
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Old 09-04-2011, 06:10 AM   #444
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Laurie-Good for you. You had a good cry, then got moving. Chin up!

Taishea-Sorry about the insurance/doctor hold up. I am sure you are uneasy. Hope you can get answers soon.
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Old 09-04-2011, 01:51 PM   #445
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My DD left for college this afternoon. Rough day for me.
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Old 09-05-2011, 03:26 AM   #446
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Karen, I a, sorry you are having a rough day....it is hard to deal with the kids leaving..I have to daily fight the ghost because Seth is leaving this time next year....I dread it....if you need to talk pm me here or fb................hang in there dear friend....Taishea
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Old 09-05-2011, 05:22 AM   #447
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Luckily I still have 4 yrs before my oldest may leave for college. My concern right now is getting the loser to move out which should hopefully be soon. He'll be served in the next week or so.

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Old 09-05-2011, 07:13 AM   #448
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I cried last night and could not eat much. I had a bit of wine to take the edge off. Feeling better today....just that pit in my tummy that won't go away.
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Old 09-05-2011, 09:42 AM   #449
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I cried last night and could not eat much. I had a bit of wine to take the edge off. Feeling better today....just that pit in my tummy that won't go away.
(hugs) It will pass! But I know what you mean. I think I lost 5 lbs again this week from that pit.

I'd have had a beer but don't want him catching me and accusing me again of becoming an alcoholic. He told me once they all start with one drink and he doesn't need to worry about me "taking care" of the kids while being a hungover drunk. Yep, one drink every 18 months or so will make for a future alcoholic.
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Old 09-05-2011, 10:04 AM   #450
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Thanks Laurie....

I was careful during the process too Laurie. My ex's problem was just that, so I doubted he would bring it up. But I didn't take any chances....

I know it sounded like I was trying to drown my sorrows, but I really haven't relaxed all weekend, and just needed to decompress. It was all laundry, running to stores, packing, details, etc....
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Old 09-05-2011, 10:20 AM   #451
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I know what you mean... by not drowning the sorrows. Just to take the edge off, I needed a good night sleep. It's not like I was chugging a case of beer at a time, like his siblings do quite often, but I'm the one "heading to alcoholism". I just have to chuckle at the thought...

He just came back from a jog, now checking in with the gf for an online chat. Should have walked by and told him to say I said "Hi!" Sometimes it's so hard to take the high road.
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Old 09-05-2011, 10:55 AM   #452
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Do you all have room for one more person who never quite expected to be chatting here?

About a year and a half ago, DH had an emotional entanglement with someone (he says it wasn't physical, it almost didn't matter after a certain point). He kept asking 'are you really happy being married? Is this really what you want?' I asked if he was unhappy and he insisted he was fine, just wanted to know if I was happy, then finally said he didn't know if he was happy. One day I asked if he'd met someone else. He insisted he hadn't and I just looked at him that day and said 'oh my God, it's Skank, isn't it?' Long story short, we spent the next year trying to work things out. Well, about the next 8 or 9 months--about the time that counseling got us to talking about some pretty deep issues not just on my side but his, he got really withdrawn and he bailed within a few weeks, not just on counseling but on wanting to be married at all. He finally told me this past March that he still noticed other people all the time and resented not being able to pursue them. I told him I deserved someone who was happy to be with me and if that wasn't him, we both needed to be realistic about it.

I know compared to so many people here I've been pretty lucky in that we both spent the better part of a year in counseling, and while I've been heartsick over his decision, at least I somewhat understand what he was fighting inside himself. I do respect that he really did fight to sort things out up to that point where he just couldn't or didn't want to go any further. And I was lucky that the separation was pretty amicable. He wanted me to keep the house--we'd invested a lot of what my Dad left me in his business, and I'd been paying all the bills for several years while he got things started. He also admitted that our dog knew I was the person who did the work to take care of her, and he couldn't bear to separate her from me. I know that was really hard for him because he always thought of her as his dog.

But it was still horrible. I couldn't talk about it for months. I spent every morning for the first weeks sobbing until I threw up. It meant a lot to find this thread and read what everyone else has said about feeling like a failure and really having to grieve, although I have to admit that when one friend told me 'oh, it's like grieving a death,' I couldn't help saying (once I was getting my sense of humor back) 'maybe, except that the other person is still alive and YOU're the person who wants to kill them.'

I really thought he was not only my best friend and soulmate but my life companion. We went through so much together from losing family members to dealing with infertility (we never had kids). I still miss that feeling of companionship and his presence, but our dog has been a huge comfort--we both kind of got each other through the worst of it and last month after a few experimental doggie play date visits, we adopted a rescue collie a good friend had been fostering.

It sounds so weird to say I couldn't have done it without the dog and our cats being so cuddly and them missing him too. I know I couldn't have done it without my friends. They've been more wonderful than I can say. Everyone here sounds so brave. It's weird. I feel like a bird that was so happy in my nest and now I'm sitting here on the ground in a pile of twigs. I guess I have to start a lot of things over but I feel so grateful to know I have a lot to build with, and good friends who will help me get settled in that strange new tree.

I definitely have to say that getting a good lawyer was the smartest advice I got. We had to divide up not only our assets but the business (I'm still a part owner). It helped so much not only to understand the legal issues but to have someone explain objectively what my options included, and encourage me not only to be fair to SBTX but also fair to myself. The therapist was a huge help too. I don't have any savings left after paying both of them but I also know they've left me in the strongest possible place, both emotionally and financially, from which to rebuild.

I just can't tell you how much it meant to feel less alone in the middle of going through everything. Thank you so much to everyone here for your honesty and fellowship with each other. It's not an easy road by any means, but realizing you don't have to walk it alone brings so much comfort.
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Old 09-05-2011, 11:27 AM   #453
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Jane, I am so glad you posted your situation. Absolutely- please join us! Another voice, another viewpoint, always helps. This is not easy as you know.

I remember those early days, waking up in the am, remembering it all and starting the day in panic/anger/saddness. I could barely eat or function.

I too, never ever thought I'd be divorced. Not in a million years. But it happened and here I am also, in a new tree, picking up the sticks and rebuilding a life for myself.

You did all you could and then some. He did discuss his feelings with you, wasn't a total coward like mine. But it doesn't lessen the pain I am sure. I love my cat, she is like my best friend. Could not have gotten through this without her either. Animals seem to understand so much, and sense when we need them.

I am glad that you had a good lawyer and are in a good place to rebuild. Please keep checking in as you wish.
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Old 09-05-2011, 06:31 PM   #454
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Hi Jane, and welcome! I'm fairly new to this thread also, as mine is still living in the basement, no intention of moving out much less filing for divorce, although he reminds me constantly, verbally and non-verbally, how he'd "be out yesterday if he could".

At least yours went to counseling; mine won't even consider it because he won't have someone telling him he's not allowed to feel the way he feels or worse yet try to change his feelings. I seriously think it's a midlife crisis brought on by a near death health issue a few years ago that he never really came to terms with.

Anyway, we're here if you wanna chime in or just read on, either way tends to be helpful in some sense. Take care!
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:13 AM   #455
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Thank you Karen and Laurie.

Living in the basement--what a JERK. Pick one and DEAL with it, whether it's your marriage or your skeevy little skank. I do feel VERY lucky that STBX agreed at least to the first few months of counseling. It was still devastating, but at least I did have some insight into his thoughts and reasoning. That's definitely made it easier to let go and have some feeling of understanding, if not quite closure.

The one thing I wanted to say to everyone struggling with kids, especially teenagers, is that I went through a lot of what you're describing, including feeling angry and taking it out on both of my parents, as a kid--my folks divorced when I was 8, back when it was pretty unheard-of. My Dad never said ONE word against my Mom, or later my Stepdad, and frankly I could tell that sometimes it was really hard for him to hold back. My Mom and Stepdad did NOT return the courtesy.

I can say from my experience that everyone who says you figure these things out when you get older is so right. You don't have the experience or emotional tools to gain that perspective until... well, I guess in my case I'd say until I had some life on my own behind me. Both my parents had their issues--my Dad had major issues with alcohol and with taking really reckless financial risks. For all his amazing qualities he was a hard person to live with, even for me when I spent summers with him, despite how much I loved and idolized him. My Dad passed away 4 years ago. I know that one of the biggest gifts he ever gave my sister and me, and one given with love that I only began to appreciate in my 30s, was never saying a hard word against our Mom. To everyone who's made that commitment, even if it doesn't always work out perfectly, I'm almost 100% sure that one day your kids will see and understand what you did for them.
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Old 09-06-2011, 11:17 AM   #456
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Hi Jane, and welcome! I'm fairly new to this thread also, as mine is still living in the basement, no intention of moving out much less filing for divorce, although he reminds me constantly, verbally and non-verbally, how he'd "be out yesterday if he could".

At least yours went to counseling; mine won't even consider it because he won't have someone telling him he's not allowed to feel the way he feels or worse yet try to change his feelings. I seriously think it's a midlife crisis brought on by a near death health issue a few years ago that he never really came to terms with.

Anyway, we're here if you wanna chime in or just read on, either way tends to be helpful in some sense. Take care!
Very similar over here - substitute turning 40 and his mother dying and bam, he REALLY changed, not in a good way. It was sad to see it happen.
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Old 09-06-2011, 01:03 PM   #457
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Very similar over here - substitute turning 40 and his mother dying and bam, he REALLY changed, not in a good way. It was sad to see it happen.
Yep, so sad! And now every time we talk, all I get is the "woe is me, I have such a heavy burden on my shoulders, everyone is relying on me, I give, give, give, and it's just not enough, and I can't catch a break for nothing"... blah, blah, blah. Ohhh, silly me for misunderstanding, now I see why it's okay for you to have an affair with your employee and lie to me and the kids constantly!!!
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Old 09-07-2011, 04:05 AM   #458
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Yep, so sad! And now every time we talk, all I get is the "woe is me, I have such a heavy burden on my shoulders, everyone is relying on me, I give, give, give, and it's just not enough, and I can't catch a break for nothing"... blah, blah, blah. Ohhh, silly me for misunderstanding, now I see why it's okay for you to have an affair with your employee and lie to me and the kids constantly!!!
Rationalization... the gift that keeps on giving...

When we were in counseling, therapist asked STBX about his attraction to the skank. She said, usually when you're attracted to someone that different from your spouse (this charming individual dumped her husband and four kids because she was bored, and began a career sleeping with, from what I can tell, about 50% of the men in our community, and was sleeping with one of STBX's employees WHILE she was coming on to STBX... classy, don't you think?), it's because they bring out a side of your character you feel is missing or wish you could further develop. Therapist asked STBX if he could think of what that quality was and he flat out said without hesitating 'She's just completely selfish and not apologetic about it.'

I can't be any more mad at her for putting all the toxic crap she spewed out there than I can at him for lapping it up, but holy cow... who jumps on that as something missing from their life that they regret? I mean seriously that person uses people like toilet paper, and goes through them on about the same schedule. Blech. At one point while we were in counseling I told DH that if he preferred her to me, I'd be flattered if he left me. I meant it too. Ultimately he did realize what an incredibly toxic person she is--she played a role (not the major factor, but the husband kept defending her for having 'such a tough childhood' to his wife AFTER she didn't want skank in her house following what happened with us, and wife was FURIOUS that he could defend someone who uses people that way, and incredibly hurt that he wouldn't defend wife to skank when skank blathered on that wife 'is just intimidated by me'--let's just say that didn't help with issues they were already having) in breaking up the marriage of two close friends of ours about a year later as well.

Thank heaven STBX is not seeing her but he was dating someone less than two weeks after he moved out. Um, nice job of letting the corpse chill, dude.

I don't get the appeal of ANYONE who doesn't give a flying tomato that someone else is married.
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Old 09-07-2011, 06:17 PM   #459
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Yep, this chick here is a piece of work too... and he's married, a father of four, AND her boss. Can't wait until it all explodes in their faces!

I was hoping to sign papers this week to get him served asap but just got word that my lawyer's Grandma passed away so he'll be away for a couple of days. I'm thinking sh will be taking his w**** to a motel this weekend so I want our monies frozen so he needs to account for every single penny. I see they're still carpooling too but he's driving everyday. So how does that "save us money"? Or will I start getting the sob story that she's just one more person counting on him because her car isn't working the greatest right now, blah, blah, blah.
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Yep, this chick here is a piece of work too... and he's married, a father of four, AND her boss. Can't wait until it all explodes in their faces!

I was hoping to sign papers this week to get him served asap but just got word that my lawyer's Grandma passed away so he'll be away for a couple of days. I'm thinking sh will be taking his w**** to a motel this weekend so I want our monies frozen so he needs to account for every single penny. I see they're still carpooling too but he's driving everyday. So how does that "save us money"? Or will I start getting the sob story that she's just one more person counting on him because her car isn't working the greatest right now, blah, blah, blah.
laurlynn, this sounds just like what my first husband did, they car pooled also. He was (and still is) a whiner like your STBX. Silly me, I didn't learn the first time he had an affair, I stayed for 13 more years, and when he had the second affair, that was IT, I was DONE !!! Bless you for not being a doormat like I was.
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Old 09-07-2011, 07:30 PM   #461
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I so wanna just bang his head and say wake up! I wanna confront him on everything I recently found out! I wanna scream and kick him out! But for the kids' sake, I'm hanging low and letting the lawyer do my dirty work I guess you could say. This new delay is killing me though. Just wish I would have taken my bro's advice and done this months ago, but I really didn't want to and wanted him to be the one to do it.
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Old 09-08-2011, 03:36 AM   #462
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I so wanna just bang his head and say wake up! I wanna confront him on everything I recently found out! I wanna scream and kick him out! But for the kids' sake, I'm hanging low and letting the lawyer do my dirty work I guess you could say. This new delay is killing me though. Just wish I would have taken my bro's advice and done this months ago, but I really didn't want to and wanted him to be the one to do it.
I know it's hard to stay silent, but confronting him and getting angry will just give him power over your emotions. Hold your head up high and stay strong, it will show him that he can't control your emotions. It's good that you have your brother as support and advice, family is so important at this time.
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:08 PM   #463
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I know it's hard to stay silent, but confronting him and getting angry will just give him power over your emotions. Hold your head up high and stay strong, it will show him that he can't control your emotions. It's good that you have your brother as support and advice, family is so important at this time.
I need to put this on my fridge. I still have moments.....
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:34 PM   #464
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I should too... especially after our "talk" last night. I was proud though that I left the room not crying, angry, but not crying. I asked him point blank about a few things, to look me in the eye when he answered, and of course he couldn't/wouldn't answer. He constantly lectures the kids about the importance of being truthful and never lying, yet he is constantly lying to me and the kids. Pretty sad...
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:38 PM   #465
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I need to put this on my fridge. I still have moments.....
I still have moments too and it's been 18 years. I just don't like the way he still treats the kids. My daughter finally stood up to him and told him how she feels, I've very proud of her for doing it. My son needs to "man up" and tell his dad a few things, not sure that will ever happen.
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:44 PM   #466
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I should too... especially after our "talk" last night. I was proud though that I left the room not crying, angry, but not crying. I asked him point blank about a few things, to look me in the eye when he answered, and of course he couldn't/wouldn't answer. He constantly lectures the kids about the importance of being truthful and never lying, yet he is constantly lying to me and the kids. Pretty sad...
He may never fess up and be truthful. There are people that just can't accept responsibilty for their actions.... it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. When it comes to people like that it bothers them more when we just ignore them and go on with our lives. It's hard to do that when you are living in the same house, and have young children, but as time passes, it will get easier.
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:46 PM   #467
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Laurie, just keep documenting all of this. Especially given you have children. In the end, no matter what, I promise you....you will be happier, proud of yourself, and lead a wonderful new life.
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:48 PM   #468
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He may never fess up and be truthful. There are people that just can't accept responsibilty for their actions.... it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. When it comes to people like that it bothers them more when we just ignore them and go on with our lives. It's hard to do that when you are living in the same house, and have young children, but as time passes, it will get easier.
Would love to email my ex with the above! They NEVER get it! You HAVE to move on....and not look back....
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Old 09-09-2011, 06:21 PM   #469
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He may never fess up and be truthful. There are people that just can't accept responsibilty for their actions.... it's ALWAYS someone else's fault. When it comes to people like that it bothers them more when we just ignore them and go on with our lives. It's hard to do that when you are living in the same house, and have young children, but as time passes, it will get easier.
I'm doing this, unfortunately/fortunately, not just for the kids but for me. I think he will be so surprised when he gets served at work. He gives me way too much credit for my patience! He doesn't wanna be like his brother and live in the basement forever, yet what is he doing?!... just that. But I just don't get that he would really expect us to be okay with this living arrangement indefinitely.
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Old 09-13-2011, 11:18 AM   #470
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I so wanna just bang his head and say wake up! I wanna confront him on everything I recently found out! I wanna scream and kick him out! But for the kids' sake, I'm hanging low and letting the lawyer do my dirty work I guess you could say. This new delay is killing me though. Just wish I would have taken my bro's advice and done this months ago, but I really didn't want to and wanted him to be the one to do it.
I just filied my divorce papers after 11 months of separation! A huge weight off my shoulders. I should have done it sooner too, but I had to be ready to do it I guess. I was in denial. And the ex wasn't going to do, he wanted me to be his back up wife in case anybody else he was pursuing didn't work out. Haha, no thanks!! He actually told me he was mad at me for filing but that it was ok because if we were meant to be together then we would still get back together eventually... he's crazy!!
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Old 09-13-2011, 11:58 AM   #471
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I just filied my divorce papers after 11 months of separation! A huge weight off my shoulders. I should have done it sooner too, but I had to be ready to do it I guess. I was in denial. And the ex wasn't going to do, he wanted me to be his back up wife in case anybody else he was pursuing didn't work out. Haha, no thanks!! He actually told me he was mad at me for filing but that it was ok because if we were meant to be together then we would still get back together eventually... he's crazy!!
Good for you! I bet it's a huge weight gone... I'm counting on it for me too, just waiting for the lawyer to do his thing.

I just thought mine had a little more class to at least wait until he filed for divorce, or at the very least moved out, but like a typical man, he can't keep it in his pants... and then has the balls to lie/deny it right to my face!!! He disgusts me right now and I'm so sad that my kids have to have a piece of trash for a father!

In one of our "discussions", he brought up the "if you love me, set me free; if we're meant to be together I'll be back." Right, so in the meantime, I'm supposed to just sit around and be made a fool of while he goes off to "be happy"... yep, he gives me waayyyy too much credit for my patience.
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Old 09-13-2011, 01:07 PM   #472
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Good for you! I bet it's a huge weight gone... I'm counting on it for me too, just waiting for the lawyer to do his thing.

I just thought mine had a little more class to at least wait until he filed for divorce, or at the very least moved out, but like a typical man, he can't keep it in his pants... and then has the balls to lie/deny it right to my face!!! He disgusts me right now and I'm so sad that my kids have to have a piece of trash for a father!

In one of our "discussions", he brought up the "if you love me, set me free; if we're meant to be together I'll be back." Right, so in the meantime, I'm supposed to just sit around and be made a fool of while he goes off to "be happy"... yep, he gives me waayyyy too much credit for my patience.
My ex was the same way!! We were together 10 years, married 4, and in those 10 years he left me for 3 different women only to come crawling back because they weren't as good as he thought. Well almost a year ago is when the 3rd woman came along and I left! I had had it and wasted no time attempting to move on. He had already moved in with this woman and so I started dating. Well he was PISSED!! He thought that I was going to be at home crying over him and waiting for him to come back! Sorry, I am only 26, I am moving on and refuse to stay with someone who doesn't love and respect me! I am still young enough to have so many options that he isn't even considered one anymore. It still gets me a little down sometimes because for a good part of my life he was my best friend and I thought he was my soulmate, but it doesn't get me down too much anymore. I know it was for the best for me and I know that it was a blessing in disguise. I deserve someone that makes me a priority instead of just an option, and you do too!! Once my ex saw that I was trying to move on, he completely regretted his decision, however it was too late. I will be fine and you will too!
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Old 09-13-2011, 02:01 PM   #473
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*sniff* Thank you! You sound really well for what you are going through, so it must be right for you now but must still be hard! Was he your first love, since you were 16 at the time?

We dated 1 1/2 yrs before getting married, and were supposed to be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary in a few weeks. I'll be 47 in Nov, have 4 kids, and do not work. Six months ago I was planning a long weekend getaway for our anniversary and now I'm planning a divorce and future without him.
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Old 09-13-2011, 03:09 PM   #474
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I am doing very well considering. It wasn't an easy road getting here and I haven't been at this happier place very long but I sure am enjoying it! Yes he was my first and only love so far. I guarantee once he's out of the house, you will start on a happier road a lot quicker. My life is so much easier when he's not around. It's very hard to look at him. But I stand my ground and he doesn't the little hurt I have left. in fact the other woman messaged me a few days ago apologizing for everything, because he no longer wants her either, and I simply told her, "don't apologize, you did me a favor." They both ruined their lives chasing after an infatuation. My ex lives with his mother, can't find work, can't really do anything. She left her fiance and was homeless for a long while and lost custody of her kids. Karma really does work. I, on the other hand, have continued on. Still in school, looking for work currently, met a new guy (I'm really hoping this one is as good as it seems now) and have had my own place for 11 months. I no longer have to answer to anyone, if I want to buy 5 pairs of shoes tomorrow I can. I am loving it!! However, the nights are lonely, but this is where the new guy comes in! Like I said, crossing my fingers on this one. It will all fall into place, I promise!! I lost everything pretty much. My ex and I owned real estate, commercial property, and 4 businesses. I lost my stable family, my assets, everything. It was all left to him because I knew I couldn't maintain it alone. He eventually lost it all too! I walked away with my household possessions, my car, and my kids... and it was all a blessing!! I honestly never thought I could write so positively about it, but I am finally at that place! I apologize for rambling, it just really felt so good to be able to write positively about it, this is the first time it's happened!
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Old 09-13-2011, 08:58 PM   #475
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How many kids do you have? I can hear the positive in your writing, so go on as much as you want... makes me see the light at the end of my tunnel. I'm in a dark place right now, very scared to raise 4 kids on my own (though technically it won't be alone, because he'll have some type of visitation since lucky for him the kids will probably still love him, at least for now). Knowing their lives will be in a shambles for a time being makes me even madder at him for doing this to them, but the sooner we get it started the sooner we'll start healing.

I'm sorry to keep rambling on these last few days but I don't see the therapist until Friday and have had some stuff building for two weeks now, so I'm really looking forward to my appt.
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Old 09-14-2011, 02:06 AM   #476
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Laurie,
I too was alone and raising 4 kids...however I was doing it alone even though he was living in the house with me.....You are going to be ok...try to live each day the best you can...I had to live moment by moment at times...it is such a roller coaster and many days it was dark. You will get through this and the kids will too...
Are you able to get them counseling? that might help too. Remember the kids are suffering a loss in their lives as well as you are....allow them to grieve and grieve with them...let them know it is perfectly fine to be hurt, then teach them how to handle the loss ( like someone dying) I have been divorced for 5.5 years..each of us have gotten remarried and he has a new baby.....I have custody of the children. They have all adjusted in ways that is best for them. They are all so different on how they are doing....it is very tough being a Mom and now Mom and Dad....you can pm me if you want..I will be keeping you in my prayers...hang in there and just take it moment by moment right now...hugs!
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Old 09-14-2011, 04:15 AM   #477
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How many kids do you have? I can hear the positive in your writing, so go on as much as you want... makes me see the light at the end of my tunnel. I'm in a dark place right now, very scared to raise 4 kids on my own (though technically it won't be alone, because he'll have some type of visitation since lucky for him the kids will probably still love him, at least for now). Knowing their lives will be in a shambles for a time being makes me even madder at him for doing this to them, but the sooner we get it started the sooner we'll start healing.

I'm sorry to keep rambling on these last few days but I don't see the therapist until Friday and have had some stuff building for two weeks now, so I'm really looking forward to my appt.
I have 2 children, a 9 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. I felt the worst for them because of the way he handled things. He moved in with the other woman before my daughter ever even knew we were getting a divorce! And then on top of that, instead of him and I sitting down and explaining that we were divorcing, him and the other woman did it!! I was livid!! He has turned into a terrible father since then and my daughter sees it. He has only recently began admitting his bad judgment and promising to do better, but we'll see. Since he's left, he's offered me no support whatsoever. He's paid the other womans bills and everything, but has not offered to help me out at all or the kids. But it's ok, I can make it on my own and his kids will remember everything they saw! I'm really glad to see you're getting into therapy, it really helped me out!! The worst part about the divorce for me, was not the loss of the marriage or even the loss of my husband, it was the severe self esteem issues I had about myself because of the divorce. But I got through it. I'm almost done with my degree in behavioral psychology so I'm a huge advocate for counseling!! If you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me and I will give you my contact info! You will be just fine, I promise!!
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Old 09-15-2011, 07:44 PM   #478
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*sigh* Just remembering to breath.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend! We're supposed to be together as a family on Sat. He announces at a dirt race track, usually on Fri nites but there's a second event on Sat which the kids want to go to so instead of taking two cars we'll go together; it's just over an hour away. He needs to go early to prepare so we'll drop him off and then go eat and check out the scenery. Haven't been to that area myself in years. It's a state park/falls area so it's really pretty. I used to go there before we started dating.
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Old 09-15-2011, 07:54 PM   #479
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I have 2 children, a 9 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. I felt the worst for them because of the way he handled things. He moved in with the other woman before my daughter ever even knew we were getting a divorce! And then on top of that, instead of him and I sitting down and explaining that we were divorcing, him and the other woman did it!! I was livid!! He has turned into a terrible father since then and my daughter sees it. He has only recently began admitting his bad judgment and promising to do better, but we'll see. Since he's left, he's offered me no support whatsoever. He's paid the other womans bills and everything, but has not offered to help me out at all or the kids. But it's ok, I can make it on my own and his kids will remember everything they saw! I'm really glad to see you're getting into therapy, it really helped me out!! The worst part about the divorce for me, was not the loss of the marriage or even the loss of my husband, it was the severe self esteem issues I had about myself because of the divorce. But I got through it. I'm almost done with my degree in behavioral psychology so I'm a huge advocate for counseling!! If you ever need someone to talk to, you can PM me and I will give you my contact info! You will be just fine, I promise!!
I think counseling is good, too... my only big concern is getting the wrong counselor. I think if you get the wrong one, then it can do more harm than good, so I've always been leery about it. BUT, in theory, I love the concept.
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Old 09-15-2011, 08:03 PM   #480
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*sigh* Just remembering to breath.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend! We're supposed to be together as a family on Sat. He announces at a dirt race track, usually on Fri nites but there's a second event on Sat which the kids want to go to so instead of taking two cars we'll go together; it's just over an hour away. He needs to go early to prepare so we'll drop him off and then go eat and check out the scenery. Haven't been to that area myself in years. It's a state park/falls area so it's really pretty. I used to go there before we started dating.
Well I hope everything goes ok on Saturday, thats a really hard thing to do!! I couldn't stand to be around my ex, I really still can't stand to! If all else fails, enjoy your dinner and sight seeing with the kids!!
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