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I don't think you can force him to see his kids, but if he hasn't after a year, keep the records, get a court order making you primary custodian/guardian/decision making for everything and increase in child support.
__________________ Jen
It's too bad that all the people who are smart enough to run the country are busy teaching school.
Hi Troopersma, glad things got wrapped up for you but I am sorry for what your kids have to go through. I don't know what that is like since I am not a mom but I do know from a kids point of view. Just remember that the kids will see the true father he is someday! It took my brothers quite a while until they realized what a bad father my dad was but at least now my mother has all her kids understanding what she went through!
Jen good luck with tomorrow. Thank you for your advice. I am going to try to talk to my parents about me filing for divorce.
Hi Troopersma, So happy you updated us. So good to know you are doing well. Glad you love your house and are feeling good about things. In many ways, it is a relief isn't it?
I know that you are hurting for your kids....I think Jen's advice is excellent. I didn't have little ones, so am not up on how to handle that situation. That is not to say that my older girls are not angry! But, visitation/child support was not needed in my case.
Jen, almost done! One more day of this and you can relax. I am sure things he says in court are upsetting....mine lied through his teeth. It proved to me over and over again, that I had made the right decision. It will catch up with him. Trust the judge has seen it all, is picking up on his dishonesty.
Me too! What a week! I have to go back on Monday and assist with the rebuttals/summaries which the judge wants in writing - thank goodness, I think -he is old and looked like he was getting really confused.
I might have to do the simply sleep thing this weekend to reset myself. We'll see how tonight goes. I napped earlier -really needed it.
Subbing tomorrow!
Thursday is first grade field trip at the nature center in the rain. :rofl:
__________________ Jen
It's too bad that all the people who are smart enough to run the country are busy teaching school.
My husband and I are going to counsouling now to avoid divorce. He just one day decided he wasn't happy and said he didn't know why. Then told me that our relationship "sucks". Its hard to work on it since we work opposite of each other. Any suggestions on how to make it work. We have been together 16 yrs and married 9. We also have two wonderful kids 3 and 6.
My husband and I are going to counsouling now to avoid divorce. He just one day decided he wasn't happy and said he didn't know why. Then told me that our relationship "sucks". Its hard to work on it since we work opposite of each other. Any suggestions on how to make it work. We have been together 16 yrs and married 9. We also have two wonderful kids 3 and 6.
It is great that he is willing to go to counseling. That is a great start!
It is considering the first time I asked he laughed in my face. They out of the blue a couple months later he asked me. My concern is how much of it is sinking in. He was starting to shutdown last session. ?? Hopefully it will help!
Quote:
Originally Posted by christina.kavitz
It is great that he is willing to go to counseling. That is a great start!
Me too! What a week! I have to go back on Monday and assist with the rebuttals/summaries which the judge wants in writing - thank goodness, I think -he is old and looked like he was getting really confused.
I might have to do the simply sleep thing this weekend to reset myself. We'll see how tonight goes. I napped earlier -really needed it.
Subbing tomorrow!
Thursday is first grade field trip at the nature center in the rain. :rofl:
How are you feeling Jen, now that you're a few days past it all? I was surprised you didn't get cross examined. Did your lawyer cross examine him? Grumpy Judge- maybe he should retire! Good thing things will be in writing so he can refer to everything again. Hopefully the look of confusion was him not believing your ex's lies.
Have a good weekend, to you Jen and all the ladies!
PIKE DAYS!!!!! Sorry I did not check teh site BEFORE now...Every spring and fall we go to the National Pike Gas and Steam Engine show......Had a great time....one of my dreams came true..I got to ride in a Euclid Bottom Dump Truck...IT was so neat..it is a 1946 truck....We got the youngest Cub Cadet 100 Painted for Isaac...He is so proud and the man that gave it to Isaac told DH that his (the man's dad) would have been so proud of the tractor...all in all a wonderful weekend..now I am tired and have to shop tomorrow for Seth's 17 Birthday! He is going to be 17 tomorrow..I cannot believe it, but it is true!
Hope you all had a great weekend...OH and Seth had his JR Prom yesterday too...he had a blast!
__________________
My beautiful rings. The plain band was the last wedding band my Mother wore. The hanky it is pictured on, my husband carried the day we got married!
Hello! I've been lurking for about a week now and have finally decided it's time to confront my denial... I need the advice offered in this thread so thanks to everyone for sharing!
I've spent many hours/days/nights crying and have typed replies to this thread only to erase it and cry some more. I need to be strong for my 4 kids and be strong for myself now and stop being so humiliated that I'm about to be a statistic. I feel so bad for my kids, I can't take it some days. I'm hopeful that we can work it out but he's made it clear he realizes he no longer loves me, if even ever did, convinced he may have settled for me as opposed to being alone. How do you respond to that since we're supposed to be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary in October?
Anyway, I could go on and on and on, but I don't want to ramble. I'm sure I'll give up more in the future but I have too much going on in my head right now with actually admitting this "outloud". I was thinking it would go away if I didn't talk about it, but he's starting to tell more people so I can't really deny it anymore.
Sending up warm loving prayers for you to have strenght, know peace,and fine a good lawyer that will fight for you and your children, for your children to be calm and know that they are loved by both their parents.
__________________
~Mary~
Happiness is in the Heart, not in the Circumstances
My avatar is me with my grandchildren
Laurie, If you had asked me if I would ever be divorced I would have laughed! Never in a million years did I think it would happen to me. You certainly need time to digest this.
If he is talking about it to others, it is time to stay calm, privately, get a lawyer on board. Discuss the situation fully with him or her, they can best advise you. They are best at seeing to it matters of the children and money are done right. I also think a counselor for both of you or just for you, would be something to look in to.
I am so sorry you are going through this. He certainly has come out with quite the story line of information. It has to hurt so very much. (((HUGS))))
You are a lovely lady, going through a crummy thing. You sound very strong.
__________________
~Karen
Last edited by hedgiemama; 05-24-2011 at 07:04 AM..
This is a very hard time for you. This is a great place to vent. Everyone is very supportive and has great advice. Make sure you take care of yourself! Counseling is a great thing. I go once a week and it helps a lot! Take care.
Oh Laurie,
I am so very sorry that you are in this spot. And that was so not nice what he said to you. He did that to hurt you. And I'm sure it did!
Hang in there. If he is telling people, it sounds like he may have given up already, but you never know. Some people do end up working it out.
And you've got a lot of good company with being a "statistic". I too thought I'd never be divorced. He promised me he'd never walk away, but he did: just like his dad did to him when he was the same age as my boys. Makes you wonder about genetics.
__________________ Jen
It's too bad that all the people who are smart enough to run the country are busy teaching school.
I am just sobbing right now. My Ex wrote me and tried to explain why he left me. He talked about falling out of love and falling farther and farther from me. Yet he never came to me about it! I really think counseling could have helped! I absolutely hate this whole divorce thing. I feel like complete crap! I feel like I dont deserve anyone. How can one person make us feel that way. I hope you all are having a better night than I.
I am just sobbing right now. My Ex wrote me and tried to explain why he left me. He talked about falling out of love and falling farther and farther from me. Yet he never came to me about it! I really think counseling could have helped! I absolutely hate this whole divorce thing. I feel like complete crap! I feel like I dont deserve anyone. How can one person make us feel that way. I hope you all are having a better night than I.
There you go. It's on him, not you!! If he was feeling this way, in a marriage, you have an obligation to say something and not do nothing about it. Men are so stupid. Mine did the same thing. Except he had an affair. I hope they burn in hell together!!
__________________ Jen
It's too bad that all the people who are smart enough to run the country are busy teaching school.
I am just sobbing right now. My Ex wrote me and tried to explain why he left me. He talked about falling out of love and falling farther and farther from me. Yet he never came to me about it! I really think counseling could have helped! I absolutely hate this whole divorce thing. I feel like complete crap! I feel like I dont deserve anyone. How can one person make us feel that way. I hope you all are having a better night than I.
Mine did the same thing Christina and Jen. When the affair came to light, he said he was "confused". Could not verbalize even the feelings your husband has. When asked, well does the future include me?, he said, I don't know. Can you explain what has happened? He said, I am confused.
How do you do that to someone who has been devoted to you for 27 years? How do you not take responsibility for the fact you are in a marriage and at the very least, need to discuss how you feel with the person you are supposed to be closest with in the whole world, until extreme damage has been done? I think they are cowards and creeps. And so many men do this. They must all read the same book.
So since I last posted I passed out at school and almost cracked my head open and was in hospital and it really woke up my hubby who is trying to make amends which is good - i still moved out for a separation but things are getting better
There you go. It's on him, not you!! If he was feeling this way, in a marriage, you have an obligation to say something and not do nothing about it. Men are so stupid. Mine did the same thing. Except he had an affair. I hope they burn in hell together!!
So since I last posted I passed out at school and almost cracked my head open and was in hospital and it really woke up my hubby who is trying to make amends which is good - i still moved out for a separation but things are getting better
wow Tessa glad you are ok. I hope you can work things out.
So since I last posted I passed out at school and almost cracked my head open and was in hospital and it really woke up my hubby who is trying to make amends which is good - i still moved out for a separation but things are getting better
my goodness... so glad you are ok. Do you know what caused you to pass out? Glad you are working things out.
__________________
~Mary~
Happiness is in the Heart, not in the Circumstances
My avatar is me with my grandchildren
Someone mentioned about genetics... well dh's (and I use that term loosely) parents have just celebrated their 51st anniversary, in fact mil is one of 12 kids, one is a Nun, and as of last fall, all the others have made it to at least their 50th anniversary before one of the spouses passed away. However, 3 of dh's brothers have been divorced, the most recent one is whom he is getting his "advice" from, the one with the nastiest divorce of the 3.
Anyway, I'm still plugging along, some days are harder than others, like today. I hate weekends and this is going to be a very long weekend...
Laurie, they all read the same book...
We will all be in and out...try to think of something you enjoy... a new recipe, a trip to the craft or book store...linger and enjoy, with a coffee in your hand! Do what you want to do...feel good about it!
In time you will learn to cherish weekends as a time of rest, relaxation - what they should be!!
Go for a walk, sleep in, change your sheets, do something good for you. I love making a meal that my kids would never touch. Right now I'm on a cajun salmon kick - sometimes I'm decadent and even toss it with pasta and peppers, onions, mushrooms!!! (no wonder why I need to lose weight! )
I like going out to lunch, sip a margarita and lesiurely read the newspaper.
This is the time of year that there is so much to do from art shows to street fairs to free events. Start small. Force yourself to do one thing and go from there!!!
__________________ Jen
It's too bad that all the people who are smart enough to run the country are busy teaching school.
Written rebuttals/closing arguments were submitted today!!! I'll know in a week or month and I'll be officially FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________ Jen
It's too bad that all the people who are smart enough to run the country are busy teaching school.
Written rebuttals/closing arguments were submitted today!!! I'll know in a week or month and I'll be officially FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Jen, I so hope it is sooner than later....will be praying for a positive outcome!
Checking in to make sure everyone is having a good weekend!!
Same to you Jen! Hope your potato salad turns out wonderful!
I am starting an online Bible study that is about getting over a traumatic event. The author of the book was raped, but they are gearing this for anyone who is still traumatized by a past event no matter what it was. It will specifically deal with moving forward. If anyone would like the info I can email it to you, just pm me. There are 2500 ppl doing it!
__________________
~Karen
Last edited by hedgiemama; 05-29-2011 at 11:14 AM..
You have choice. You can select joy over despair. You can select happiness over tears. You can select action over apathy. You can select growth over stagnation. You can select you. And you can select life. And it's time that people tell you you're not at the mercy of forces greater than yourself. You are, indeed, the greatest force for you. Leo Buscaglia.
Well, I called the lawyer today. It was a long painful weekend but can't stand his attitude (or lack of expression/participation/rudeness to the kids) anymore. He has his co-worker/therapist/emotional connection looking for apts/rental homes for him... another thing he can't do for himself.
Just looking for less sad days ahead... hoping everyone else is doing well.
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