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Old 11-09-2007, 07:52 AM   #1
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Default 1 Year Old with Attitude

I need some advice, I have a 1 1/2 year old who has a major attitude. If he doesn't get his way about something he will throw himself on the floor, bang his head of the floor, hit the floor or me, kick. He is just a major brat and it is hard to be around. I have tried ignoring him, putting him in his room, I just don't know what to do. He also screams all the time, he has since he was a baby. HELP!
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Old 11-09-2007, 08:01 AM   #2
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First of all *hugs* to you. Sounds like you're really trying everything to help both of you deal with this better. How about trying to sit calmly near him for a minute and then when he takes a breath you can softly talk to him (so he has to be quieter to hear you) about how it's hard when you don't get your way and getting mad makes mommy sad? He should be almost old enough to understand some of your words and at the least he'd be hearing a soothing voice to help him calm down. And if he doesn't respond, just keep removing yourself from the situation, or removing him, and telling him that he's making mommy sad by acting ugly. Eventually he'll understand that he isn't going to get his way, just don't give in even once, or he'll go back to testing you. Kids are super-smart about figuring out that they might get away with something and get what they want.
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Old 11-09-2007, 08:06 AM   #3
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My DD developed severe attitude at 11 months, but it wasn't ALL THE TIME. Her first 40 minute full-on tantrum was at 11 1/2 months.

If it is all the time, I would take a look at food issues, or other behavioural possibilities.

If it is not all the time, and it just seems like it, start time outs. He may be too young to grasp it, and it may seem like a game at first, but by the time he understands that it's a discipline, he will already be used to having to sit there. I started my kids on time outs at 12 months, and I never had a *real* issue with them understanding them or sitting.

HUGS!!!!!! It's not easy, but you will get through it if you stick to it and don't give in as he moves into the preschool years.
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Old 11-09-2007, 08:31 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mune5664 View Post
I need some advice, I have a 1 1/2 year old who has a major attitude. If he doesn't get his way about something he will throw himself on the floor, bang his head of the floor, hit the floor or me, kick. He is just a major brat and it is hard to be around. I have tried ignoring him, putting him in his room, I just don't know what to do. He also screams all the time, he has since he was a baby. HELP!
Hugs to you! I am in your shoes. My DS turns 18 months old today and has major tantrums. He acts the same way as your son when he doesn't get his way. I wouldn't call him a brat because I don't think they have a lot of self-control at this age, but they do understand a LOT more than you think. Mine also screams quite a bit, but I believe that part of his problem is a sleep/not enough sleep issue, which we are working on.

The other posters have given good advice. Consistency is the key. I am starting to make headway, but it is a new world - my older DS was never like this (well, he went through a short phase, but he was never this violent on a regular basis).

Good luck, and PM me if you just want to vent. I totally understand!

Penny
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Old 11-09-2007, 08:34 AM   #5
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my ds#3 is 2, but similar attitude to what you are describing. i've never dealt with it before, so i'm kind of at a loss too.

lately, i've been doing time out in the kitchen where he can see the microwave. i set the timer on it, and he knows he has to sit there until it beeps.

i think it has been working. his behavior is not quite as bad.
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Old 11-09-2007, 09:00 AM   #6
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Forgive me, the first thing that came booming into my mind was...



"The person YOU need is Nanny McPhee..."
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Old 11-09-2007, 09:18 AM   #7
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Nanny McPhee would be welcome to our house at this point! I have a older son who is 3 and he never acted like this, that is why it is so difficult. I work at a daycare and bring my boys with me so I am around them all the time. He isn't as bad there, but as soon as we get home he starts acting up. My boss said if I am not there, he is really good. I think he knows how to get until my skin. I have tried doing the talking quiet thing to him, it works sometimes but when he is mad, it is too late. He has a lot of his dad in him, I want to get it taken care of now, so I don't have to deal with these things when he is 17. It is sad to me that my 18 month old hits me!!
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Old 11-09-2007, 09:35 AM   #8
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I think we've all been there at some point. My two year old can be a complete handful...I, too, like to blame it on her father Hee hee. Here's my two cents:

Watch the sugar
Get good naps...at least one long one at that age if not two
Give him extra hugs and attention (it must be hard sharing your mom with lots of other kids while you work at the daycare)
Never, ever reward a tantrum with attention. If you can, just ignore..I know sometimes you can't.

Hang in there. As my mom would say, "this too will pass". It does get easier. By age five or six they totally mellow out and can play on their own so nicely.
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Old 11-09-2007, 09:54 AM   #9
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Thoughts and prayers. My almost 16 yo was the same way and she is now as sweet as can be (there is hope!). What worked back then, being soft spoken (I know it is very hard to do) when you speak to them letting them know this is not the way to behave, if that doesn't work, place in room where they are free to express their frustrations but not disturb the whole family, making sure that there was nothing she could hurt herself on. I also let her know it was a time out until a quite voice could be used. I found it was really the beginings of the troublesome two's where they are trying to get control of their enviroment and not being able to. Talking softly does help greatly and also singing as it takes your frustration down alot. Even at this young age, if they feel they are getting results for the behavior it is just enforcing it. Routine back then helped tremendously as this seems also to set her off on a tangent of some sort. Alot of times it was due to being tired, hungry or bored and she couldn't alway let me know that. It lasted only for a few months until she realized it didn't get her anywhere, her control of language improved and she could voice what she wanted. Her bedroom where it was quiet was a nice place for her to calm down and she still remebers the stuffed clown she used to dance with in her room. She is quite a perfectionist and still does get frustrated when things don't go her way, but has learned over the years it can't be her way all the time. This really brougt back her toddler years and now that she is going to be 16 in Jan, I can't believed we lived through it and she has turned out to be the lovely young person she is today. Take a deep breath, cherish the younger years for they grow up so very fast!
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Old 11-09-2007, 10:09 AM   #10
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My youngest would throw terrible fits and I would turn on some music really loud and it always seemed to work.

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Old 11-09-2007, 12:03 PM   #11
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if you go the way of time outs...

a good rule of thumb is 1 minute per year of age. Any longer than that, and they have trouble remembering just why they are being punished.

My dh had a hard time with that.

1 year=1 minute

(that's a good rule of thumb for any attention span issue...like when I ask my 7 yo to read. I ask him to read for 7 minutes. If he can go longer, great, but if not that's okay too)
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Old 11-09-2007, 04:24 PM   #12
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Ahh I remember those days. My first was like this. Lets hope that my second doesn't follow suit.

What I did was:
when he decides to start throwing a tantrum, take him to his room, put him in his bed/crib/play pen. He can't hurt himself there. Well as much anyways. Walk out of the room, and check on him every so often if you wish, but as long as he is screaming you know he is all right. If he is in a bed or can get out of his crib, when he reemerges from his room, and is still screaming, take him back in there. tell him in a calm firm voice, that screaming isn't ok, and when he can be a big boy, and ask for what he wants, then he can come out. It may take some time, but eventually he will realize 'hey if I start screaming not only do I not get what I want, I get put in my room where mom can't see me. Maybe I should stop screaming as much'

I hope this advise helps. Oh and also I read some where that if you have a child that throws lots of tantrums, it could be an indication they are gifted. So keep an eye out in the future.
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Old 11-09-2007, 05:42 PM   #13
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Thanks for all of the words of wisdom and encouragement. Tonight I tried being really calm with him and he still threw a few tantrums-which I can handle, I do realize he is at that age-but he was much better. I think I just need to take into account that him and my older son are just different kids. I haven't really done the time out thing, except for putting him in his room when he is really bad, but I do the minute per age thing with my older son and we do that at the daycare too. That seems to work well. I am hoping he will settle down a bit after seeing us be calmer to him. A lot of it is my DH raising his voice and they are in competition I think. Thanks so much ladies!
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Old 11-11-2007, 05:26 PM   #14
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My first thought was a food allergy or a medical issue, but it seems like things are calming down - kids feel tension and react in strange ways. Good luck with him. Maybe he just needs some individual attention at the end of a long day?
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:15 PM   #15
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Just try to take into account that not all tantrums are manipulative tantrums. Sometimes kids have tantrums when they just can't cope anymore. For those types of tantrums, ignoring it isn't going to make it go away. Stimulus can affect kids differently. My children are very aware of things going on around them, which is great in a way, but they can easily become overstimulated.

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