In the Forums

Register

Today's Posts

Search


Get the Weekly
Inkling
newsletter





Previous Issues

Get Social

Splitcoaststampers on InstagramLike Splitcoaststampers on FacebookFollow Splitcoaststampers on TwitterPit Splitcoaststampers on Pinterest

Sponsored Ads


 
Splitcoaststampers.com - the world's #1 papercrafting community
You're currently viewing Splitcoaststampers as a GUEST. We pride ourselves on being great hosts, but guests have limited access to some of our incredible artwork, our lively forums and other super cool features of the site! You can join our incredible papercrafting community at NO COST. So what are you waiting for?

Join the party at Splitcoaststampers today!

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-24-2012, 09:11 AM   #1
Polyshrink Goddess
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 578
Default Would this get under your skin or what?

This might be insignificant but.....

I have two neighbors across the street (two different families). Each have two children. My children are grown. I have been over nice to these neighbors. I have given both of them lots of scrapbooking stuff when I replaced things. I buy from their kids for EVERY fundraiser at school and girl/boy scouts. I give all four children special treats for holidays (just gave them each special valentines candy).

Last night I had a Pampered Chef show. I have not had a home party since 1995 and these families did not live in our neighborhood then. I invited both. I am not a home party kind of girl but my DIL just started as a Pampered Chef consultant.

NEITHER of these women across the street showed up. No order. NADA.

I feel like I am DONE with buying overpriced gift wrap, papcorn, world's finest chocolate, etc.

Your thoughts?
westiemom is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 10:00 AM   #2
Pearl-ExPert
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sambro, Nova Scotia
Posts: 2,098
Default

Well, if I buy something from someone who is fundraising, I do it because I support the cause being promoted, not because I expect the parent of the child selling the items to buy something back from me in return someday.

Also, you're not comparing apples to apples. A Pampered Chef party is not a fundraiser. Perhaps these two women aren't into cooking, or couldn't afford to buy anything (great stuff but expensive especially in a bad economy), etc. There could be a myriad of reasons why they didn't go or place a order. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

In general, when a person does something for someone else, it shouldn't come with any strings attached. But if an act of kindness is returned someday in some way, well, that's just an added bonus. These ladies shouldn't feel guilted into attending and buying something from your party.

I hope my thoughts aren't too harsh.
__________________
Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
lharnish is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 10:33 AM   #3
Polyshrink Goddess
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 578
Default

I probably should have been more clear on that. I would have been fine if either of them would have called and said they could not attend, didn't like the product, couldn't afford, etc. They did NOTHING at all.
There certainly were no strings attached. But I do not have a need for overpriced gift wrap, etc. And I really don't care about supporting the local gymnastics class, etc. i buy because they are my neighbors. I give the kids little holiday gifts because they are my neighbors. Is it too much to ask for a reply?
westiemom is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 11:50 AM   #4
Stampin' Fool
 
NancyJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Ocean County, N.J.
Posts: 1,282
Default

I think a reply would have been the nice thing to do under any circumstance. As for buying from fundraisers, it's definitely not my favorite thing to do. I would buy from grandkids, but that's about it.
NancyJ is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 11:57 AM   #5
Pearl-ExPert
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sambro, Nova Scotia
Posts: 2,098
Default

Okay, I get it now. If you're mad because they gave no response, then that's acceptable - rsvp'ing would have been the polite thing to do. I agree with that part of your post
__________________
Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
lharnish is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 12:25 PM   #6
Die Cut Diva
 
stamper1996's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Waukesha WI
Posts: 3,409
Default

I think an RSVP either way would have been the considerate thing to do, neighbors or not. For them to "ignore" your invitation was not polite.
__________________
Happiness is being kneaded.
Avatar is my childhood kitty, Berries.
stamper1996 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 04:07 PM   #7
Kookie Creator
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,221
Default

Personally, I'd have felt too embarrassed to decline the invitation, especially if I could not afford the products being shown. I don't feel the need to RSVP unless I intend to go.
It's exactly like someone posted... I'd have felt too guilty about not being able to cooperate after you'd been so nice to my children and that would have made me feel even more embarrassed to call you to tell you I'm not going.

But I'd also go with a point mentioned above- don't do good deeds with the expectation that they'll be reciprocated in any way. If you want to treat the children because you're fond of them, that's up to you.

I know someone who expects her friends to cooperate at her pampered chef party because she's going through a hard time. Hello, so is everyone! And she has the gall to be angry because her friends did not help her out.
__________________
My blog: http://thepapercraftingbeachbum.blogspot.com
pixxiewacorgi is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 04:09 PM   #8
Stazon Splitcoast
 
Illinois Marge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 24,718
Default

Yes they should have RSVP'ed.

And frankly (although it might be a minority opinion) I would have expected at least a token purchase.

I would say from now on, only buy stuff from their kids if a) you really want/need it, or b) you really want to support the group, like a charitable donation.

If the latter, you are better off writing a check, at least you can deduct it if you itemize on taxes.
__________________
My Blog Cackling Crafter
Illinois Marge is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 04:11 PM   #9
Stazon Splitcoast
 
Illinois Marge's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 24,718
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by pixxiewacorgi View Post
I don't feel the need to RSVP unless I intend to go.
OK, the mom in me is going to come out. I will admit, this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.

RSVP means you reply, whether it is Yes or No.
RSVP Regrets Only means you only reply if it is No.

It really helps the hostess to get those RSVPs.
__________________
My Blog Cackling Crafter
Illinois Marge is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 04:33 PM   #10
Directionally Challenged Parrothead
 
muddy otter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: back to bobbing along in my kayak
Posts: 32,404
Default

As someone involved with home sales, I have to admit I try to tread very gently with friends. We all have a choice about whether or not to go shopping, but when a friend hosts a party, I think a lot of companies and reps do encourage hostesses to get in touch with as many friends as possible, and given the number of home party companies out there, and hostesses hoping to maximize their benefits, I've found that potential hostesses and guests sometimes feel a bit 'partied-out.' So on the one hand, while it's fun to get everyone together and I enjoy organizing events, I also try to respect that parties aren't for everyone.

That doesn't, in my mind, excuse not RSVPing. And I agree with Marge that given your support of her children's fundraisers and all the gifts of supplies, it would have been a nice gesture to purchase something, however small--although as others have said, in this economy, it's entirely possible that budgets may be tighter--and people more embarrassed to admit it--than we might realize. I can see both sides on this one.

I think in the end it boils down to how you feel about them, and how much you value any friendship and communication there. I think it would be entirely fair to say, 'I wish I'd heard from you so I would have known how many to plan for.' I agree that it's not polite to ignore an invitation. I'm not sure it's fair to be upset that they didn't buy anything. When I've bought from co-workers' kids, I've bought from folks I'm close to at work, and felt really good about helping--and that's all I expect from the experience. I have neighbors with a very sweet daughter--I give her a small present for Hanukkah every year, but I've never felt it obligated her parents to do anything--I just really think she's a cool little girl and enjoy laughing over the back fence.

If this is part of a larger pattern of their behaving inconsiderately, or taking your kindness for granted, I think it's entirely fair to pull back. Otherwise, while it would have been a nice gesture if they came, I guess I'd say that I try look at the parties as the same as asking people if they'd want to go to the mall with you to go shopping for anything else, and try not to see them as a test of friendship.
__________________
Jane
God sent angels down to earth in the form of dogs with notes saying 'don't judge, just love.' They ate the notes but keep trying to deliver the message. --Rover99.com
muddy otter is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-24-2012, 11:38 PM   #11
Glitter Guru
 
My3LittleMonkeys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Peoria, AZ
Posts: 5,192
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Illinois Marge View Post
Yes they should have RSVP'ed.

And frankly (although it might be a minority opinion) I would have expected at least a token purchase.

I would say from now on, only buy stuff from their kids if a) you really want/need it, or b) you really want to support the group, like a charitable donation.

If the latter, you are better off writing a check, at least you can deduct it if you itemize on taxes.
Marge, I wholeheartedly agree with you! And to the OP, you sound SO MUCH like my dear MIL...she is SO KIND to her neighbors with kiddos. All the grandkids live far away, so I think she takes on 'adopted ones' between our visits.

For the record, I have 3 kids under 12...believe me, if I really COULD NOT afford anything from your show, or frankly did not care for the product, I would AT LEAST have had the courtesy to RSVP via phone with a little explanation.
__________________
Adventures from the Monkey Hut
Need to use your stash? Come play with us at Use it Tuesday!
My3LittleMonkeys is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2012, 02:17 AM   #12
Stazon Splitcoast
 
lindylou1220's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Central NY
Posts: 17,469
Default

I think people are embarrassed to say no to a party invitation. I know that I am uncomfortable when I have to respond that way; however, I make sure to reply no matter what because as a demonstrator I know how frustrating it is to not get replies.

So, yes, the OP's neighbors owed her at least the courtesy of a reply.
lindylou1220 is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2012, 08:58 PM   #13
Stazon Splitcoast
 
lesliespringer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Mascoutah, Illinois, Living In My Own Home Finally!!-Hibiscus from my backyard in Hawaii
Posts: 17,810
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Illinois Marge View Post
OK, the mom in me is going to come out. I will admit, this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.

RSVP means you reply, whether it is Yes or No.
RSVP Regrets Only means you only reply if it is No.

It really helps the hostess to get those RSVPs.
Totally Agree.

But in these times it seems no one knows what RSVP means. This helps people plan for an event. How many people will be attending so there is enough food, and how many will not be attending so there is not too much food.

Let me tell you, I have been in the boat both ways, not enough food to go around and then I have been eating left overs for days after and event.
__________________
Leslie


"The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
lesliespringer is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 06:19 AM   #14
Die Cut Diva
 
stampforariethan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,679
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Illinois Marge View Post
OK, the mom in me is going to come out. I will admit, this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.

RSVP means you reply, whether it is Yes or No.
RSVP Regrets Only means you only reply if it is No.

It really helps the hostess to get those RSVPs.

I completely agree with this. If you put RSVP, that means that you would like to know either way. If a card says to RSVP, I always respond whether I can attend or not. It doesn't matter if it's a Pampered Chef party or a birthday party, the considerate thing to do is to let the host know if you are or are not coming. What burns me up more is people who will say that they are coming and then not show up the day of the party. I have taught my kids that if they are invited to a party, they need to let the host know whether or not they will be attending. An excuse is not really necessary. If you can't make it, you can't make it! I know that if I invite 10 kids to my ds's birthday party and only two people RSVP, it makes it pretty darn hard to plan for the party. The kids parents don't even have to call me, they can have their kids tell my ds at school. Just a quick yes or no is all I ask for.
__________________
Taking it off one pound at a time! lllll*lllll*lllll*lllll*lll lllll*lllll
Proud Mom of Arianna (14) and Ethan (12)
stampforariethan is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 10:09 AM   #15
Stazon Splitcoast
 
SophieLaFontaine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: my heart remains in France
Posts: 19,208
Default

It would bother me too that they didn't reply. I would stop wasting my money on their fundraisers, if you don't care about whatever organization it is that the fundraisers are for.

Though I guess if you liked the children for themselves (aside from their parents), I would still give them treats - the children aren't responsible for their parents' lack of RSVP etiquette after all. But I would definitely stop with the fundraisers.

Whenever I am invited to a home party now, I always say no, that's not in my budget. If I like the hostess, I'll give her $5 and tell her to buy something for herself. This way, I don't have to waste my money buying a "token gift" (because the cheapest things at such parties are normally more than $5, PLUS, I'd then also have to pay for tax and shipping and handling). Also this way I avoid the hassle of getting rid of whatever item it is that I bought. * sigh* If I sound like a mean old miser, it's because I am. * apologetic look*
__________________
Faites l'amour, pas la guerre, ...ou alors, faites les deux : mariez vous !
Cards for troops and kids
SophieLaFontaine is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 02-27-2012, 11:47 AM   #16
Creative Crew SU Design Team Alumni
 
beaddict's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Brookdale, Ca. Population 1900
Posts: 4,520
Default

Quote:
I know that if I invite 10 kids to my ds's birthday party and only two people RSVP, it makes it pretty darn hard to plan for the party.
It didn't make it hard for me at all. I made goodie bags for the kids that RSVP'd and just them. If other kids showed up they didn't get a goodie bag and I felt no guilt whatsoever.
The cake was always a 1/4 sheet cake so there was always plenty/more than enough of that. Add a bag of chips and some ice cream and we were good to go.

As far as buying from fundraisers and home party merchandise- i don't feel guilty there either. For me I was raised to RSVP if i were attending an event but not if i wasn't. The only exception is for weddings/formal occasions since the reply card usually has both a yes with # of guests in your party and a regrets area.

I buy from kids fundraisers (or any fundraiser) because I like the product and the cause. I buy home party merchandise also because I like it not because I feel obligated just because my friend is having a party and trying to earn free stuff. I order when I can and say no when I can't.

I know some people don't attend/order from home party's because there are so many companies out there and some months it can be impossible to order a little something from every friend that has a party so they just opt out so as not to favor one person over another.

I would encourage you to still participate in the kids' fundraisers if the fundraiser benefits them directly and not say the whole school. My kids, once they got to the upper grades had many fundraisers where a portion of the proceeds would go directly towards their expenses for a trip or whatever. We ALWAYS showed our gratitude whenever a purchaser bought something. WE avoid the general fundraisers like the plague though. I don't feel like I should help support the homecoming dance if my kid isn't going to attend....stuff like that.

Anyhow, I do understand the OP being a little miffed but encourage the OP to let it go. It's not worth holding a grudge.
__________________
Shellie G
PAPER &
: http://www.craftsmashup.blogspot.com/

MY JEWELRY: http://www.creativeeclectica.com/

210(200)(189) and counting...DOWN
beaddict is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2012, 05:09 PM   #17
Insane Embellisher
 
AuntKimi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The Sonshine State
Posts: 965
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Illinois Marge View Post
OK, the mom in me is going to come out. I will admit, this is a HUGE pet peeve of mine.

RSVP means you reply, whether it is Yes or No.
RSVP Regrets Only means you only reply if it is No.

It really helps the hostess to get those RSVPs.

Absolutely agree with Marge here.
__________________
The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You. Psalms 9:9-10
AuntKimi is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-09-2012, 08:54 AM   #18
Gallery Gazer
 
Laurie FW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wenatchee, WA
Posts: 6,677
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophieLaFontaine View Post
It would bother me too that they didn't reply. I would stop wasting my money on their fundraisers, if you don't care about whatever organization it is that the fundraisers are for.

Though I guess if you liked the children for themselves (aside from their parents), I would still give them treats - the children aren't responsible for their parents' lack of RSVP etiquette after all. But I would definitely stop with the fundraisers.

Whenever I am invited to a home party now, I always say no, that's not in my budget. If I like the hostess, I'll give her $5 and tell her to buy something for herself. This way, I don't have to waste my money buying a "token gift" (because the cheapest things at such parties are normally more than $5, PLUS, I'd then also have to pay for tax and shipping and handling). Also this way I avoid the hassle of getting rid of whatever item it is that I bought. * sigh* If I sound like a mean old miser, it's because I am. * apologetic look*
Oh, that is so thoughtful of you! I love this idea!

To the OP, I think it is incredibly rude of the neighbors to not RSVP and it would bother me, too. They wouldn't have to give me any kind of explanation, just that they can't come to the party. I am old school, apparently...

I have a neighbor who has always bought fundraiser things from my kids, who have finally outgrown that stage for the most part, when she was hospitalized recently, I had my teenage kids make her dinner when she got home, to pay her back for all the things she had bought from them over the years. They also spontaneously made her a Valentine's card and gave it to her, which touched her, too.

I think you have done enough for these neighbors, who don't seem to appreciate you very much. I would start telling the kids "sorry" unless you really like the girl scout cookies! Or, order less than you usually did before. Or, just give them a $5 donation once a year...
__________________
IIII*IIII*IIII*IIII*IIII*IIII*IIII*IIII*IIII*IIII* IIII*IIII*IIII*
Take only photographs, leave only footprints.
Laurie FW is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-13-2012, 06:16 PM   #19
Polyshrink Goddess
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 578
Default

Thank you for all the replies!!!! I have decided to let it go but I am also not buying another thing or giving another gift. The kids are cute but I really think it's time to stop buying useless overpriced things. I really would have been happy with an RSVP. I forgot to mention that for two weeks before the PC show, my husband's mother was in the hospital and we were gone every single night. Either of these women could have looked out the window and seen our dark house and just left a message on the answering machine I too think RSVP means a reply is needed... yes or no.
westiemom is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-14-2012, 04:33 PM   #20
Stazon Splitcoast
 
SophieLaFontaine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: my heart remains in France
Posts: 19,208
Default

Good idea about not buying anymore overpriced things.
I guess I would cut them a little slack about you not being home at night though. I myself never ever look out the window. Also, if I noticed a neighbor's car gone for a while (I would actually never noticed such a thing - not very observant), I would just assume they went on vacation, or got an evening job. If I DID notice it being gone, I would be hesitant to call and leave a message, for fear of being too nosy. This is mostly because it would creep ME out to have a neighbor leaving a message on MY machine 'cause they actually noticed my car gone every evening (or whatever). I would feel like they were spying/keeping tabs on me.
__________________
Faites l'amour, pas la guerre, ...ou alors, faites les deux : mariez vous !
Cards for troops and kids
SophieLaFontaine is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-16-2012, 06:48 PM   #21
ajm
Insane Embellisher
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 793
Default

I used to keep score (you ordered from me, I'll order from you whether I need it or not), then I got CRS (can't remember stuff) because I'm on some medicine. I realize that I'm a lot happier not keeping score.

I'm also a demo for Stampin Up and 31 Today and I will tell you that nobody around here does an RSVP. If you want to know if someone is coming to an event, you have to call them. I stick with catalog parties as much as I can for that reason alone.

Ann
__________________
There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those who understand binary code and those who don't.
ajm is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 05:26 AM   #22
Polyshrink Goddess
 
pricecheck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 685
Default

Don't take offense but.... you should never do nice things and expect anything in return..ever. When you show kindness it should come from your heart and because it's the right thing to do. If other people don't reciprocate I don't feel slighted because I know I did the right thing and that's all that matters in the grand scheme of things.
__________________
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12

Last edited by pricecheck; 03-17-2012 at 05:30 AM..
pricecheck is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-17-2012, 06:01 AM   #23
Stazon Splitcoast
 
cpw3431's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: By the ocean
Posts: 15,276
Default

No response at all to me is just simply irritating!

This is from Wikipedia and what I have always believed that RSVP meant.

rsvp
Abbreviation:
Répondez s'il vous plaît, or please reply (used at the end of invitations to request a response).

It means to reply either way, no exceptions!

I do my best to always respond to invitations, especially if the sender has asked for a response. I am not always the most timely about it (miss the deadline given for the response) but I will still respond. Sometimes even if it is at the last minute and I do so with an apology.

I would move on an evaluate each future situation as it comes along. Meaning if I have the money and want what they have I would buy it if not I would decline and move on.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cyndi
Stampin' Up Demo and loving it!
My Little Stampin' Heaven - My blog
My Gallery
cpw3431 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2012, 07:55 PM   #24
Polyshrink Goddess
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 578
Default

I feel like my point has been confused. I am NOT keeping score. I do NOT do nice things expecting anything in return. I DO expect the favor of a response. Yesterday, I worked in my yard for most of the day. One of the neighbor girls came over and asked me if I knew her birthday was last week. I actually did see it on my calendar but decided not to send anything. I said "Well, I hope you had a nice birthday. Did you have a party?" And she said, "yes. can i have my present?" I am going to forgive her because she is 9 but I think stopping the giving and buying is going to be harder than I thought!
westiemom is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2012, 01:26 AM   #25
Polyshrink Goddess
 
pricecheck's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 685
Default

I'm afraid this child has already gained a sense of entitlement as so many of our youth have today. It's sad isn't it? If your heart leads you to give it could be a small treat...like a few pieces of candy tucked into a decorated glassine bag. I make up these bags as treats for my grandchildren. I have fun making up the bag and they love receiving them.
__________________
Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12
pricecheck is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2012, 05:48 AM   #26
Pearl-ExPert
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sambro, Nova Scotia
Posts: 2,098
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by westiemom View Post
I feel like my point has been confused. I am NOT keeping score. I do NOT do nice things expecting anything in return. I DO expect the favor of a response. Yesterday, I worked in my yard for most of the day. One of the neighbor girls came over and asked me if I knew her birthday was last week. I actually did see it on my calendar but decided not to send anything. I said "Well, I hope you had a nice birthday. Did you have a party?" And she said, "yes. can i have my present?" I am going to forgive her because she is 9 but I think stopping the giving and buying is going to be harder than I thought!
I know the child is wrong to ask for a present. That reeks of the same poor manners that her mom had by not RSVP'ing. However, if you're not giving the child a gift as you have in the past, then she's going to wonder why you didn't give one this year. It kind of sounds like you're punishing the child for the mom not RSVP'ing. If you're cutting back because you're cutting back for valid reasons, that is one thing. But if you didn't give her a gift to spite the mom, that's downright wrong. I'm curious how you responded to the little one when she asked about the gift.
__________________
Leslie Harnish
Sambro, Nova Scotia
Canada
lharnish is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2012, 01:20 PM   #27
Stazon Splitcoast
 
SophieLaFontaine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: my heart remains in France
Posts: 19,208
Default

Oooh, what did you say to the little girl after that??
I guess questions like that from children don't bug me. I just honestly say "I'm sorry, I didn't get you anything" with a sincere regretful look on my face. I have the impression that they just digest that and move on... I don't know how different children are from adults (I HOPE they actually do just move on and not take it personally like an adult might) - but when they ask blunt, point-blank questions like that (that adults would not normally ask), I tend to reply with complete honesty as well, possibly because I am caught off guard.
__________________
Faites l'amour, pas la guerre, ...ou alors, faites les deux : mariez vous !
Cards for troops and kids
SophieLaFontaine is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2012, 06:59 PM   #28
Polyshrink Goddess
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 578
Default

I have to admit that it surprised me but I said, "you know, I have been really busy lately and I think I forgot. You have to give me a little time on stuff like that because I am old" That seemed to hold her. I do agree that it seems like punishing the child because the mom has poor manners. But I also don't know how to really cut it off. There are four kids involved here and just birthdays and holidays comes out to 28 little gifts a year. Then there are all the fundraisers! Probably each child has at least six different fundraisers a year. The nine year old above does at least one fundraiser a month and when she came over for girl scout cookies, she also was selling boxes of m&ms for gymnastics. That's two fundraisers at once.
I do admit that this whole situation has made me rethink but not because I am expecting something in return (remember, my children are grown so I am out of fundraising) but because it is overwhelming and takes alot of energy, money, and time. I know it was just a matter of time until I came to this. Probably the moms behavior hurried that along.
westiemom is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-20-2012, 10:30 AM   #29
Pearl-ExPert
 
trefoil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: with a whiney cat
Posts: 2,315
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by westiemom View Post
Thank you for all the replies!!!! I have decided to let it go but I am also not buying another thing or giving another gift. The kids are cute but I really think it's time to stop buying useless overpriced things. I really would have been happy with an RSVP. I forgot to mention that for two weeks before the PC show, my husband's mother was in the hospital and we were gone every single night. Either of these women could have looked out the window and seen our dark house and just left a message on the answering machine I too think RSVP means a reply is needed... yes or no.
I agree that it was rude for them not to send an RSVP. For some reason, RSVPing does not seem to occur as much these days, which seems strange to me. It's even easier since a lot times, you can send an email and so you don't even have to worry about what time of day you respond.

I don't think it's a problem for them not to buy from your party. Yes, it would have been nice if they could have supported your DIL the way they have supported their kids, but there are a million good reasons why they might not be able to right now. I know that you understand that too. It's a matter of the RSVP and I completely understand that!

I did want to pipe up about the darkened house and them not calling you. I am not an observant person. I also keep to myself a lot. I don't tend to pay attention to what my neighbors are doing; I would feel like I was being intrusive if I did. If my neighbor's house was dark for a few days, I wouldn't notice. People might be out at the time I see the house is dark and I certainly don't track that stuff (I don't mean in a bad way; I just know a lot of people would notice that the house has been dark for three or four days - I would not. I would (and have) noticed if a door was left open or something was different. Lights being on or off isn't really different to me). I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think that the absence of a phone call means they don't care, just that they didn't notice or didn't want to intrude. Clearly, I'd be the least helpful person with a neighborhood watch!

Thinking more about that observant thing, it's odd. I could tell you the last time I've seen various outdoor friendly kitties in my neighborhood (in general terms, not the exact date), but could not tell you if my neighbor had her lights on last night. Maybe different things "stick" with different people.
__________________
Christine
trefoil is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 03-20-2012, 12:11 PM   #30
Stazon Splitcoast
 
SophieLaFontaine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: my heart remains in France
Posts: 19,208
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by westiemom View Post
I have to admit that it surprised me but I said, "you know, I have been really busy lately and I think I forgot. You have to give me a little time on stuff like that because I am old"
Yikes - that might give her the impression that you're STILL going to give her a gift.
I think I would say something more like "Lately I've gotten in the habit of saving money instead of spending it, so no more spending for me for the time being." This would get you out of the gift-buying AND the fundraisers...

I totally understand about it being a lot of time, energy, and money. For me, I tend to not give gifts unless I know exactly what the recipient wants (if it is going to be for a kid, I corner a parent and force them to name one specific item so I can be spared the burden of guessing what they want; if it is an adult, then it's cash or gift cards, unless of course, they tell me EXACTLY what they want). If you are having trouble backing off the gift giving, you might just switch to giving a card and a small bag of candy or something equally inexpensive.
__________________
Faites l'amour, pas la guerre, ...ou alors, faites les deux : mariez vous !
Cards for troops and kids
SophieLaFontaine is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Reply





Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off