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Old 11-15-2007, 07:53 PM   #81
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I'm so sorry to hear about your doctor's appointment. I know you have the strength to get thru this and I hope your pain is better. You are in my thoughts.
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Old 11-15-2007, 08:09 PM   #82
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Sammie, big hugs and the most positive white light possible is coming your way. What a week you have coming up. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this. We're all here for your support.
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Old 11-15-2007, 08:52 PM   #83
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{{{{{hugs}}}}}
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Old 11-15-2007, 09:17 PM   #84
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Originally Posted by bessie126 View Post
(and btw, I think you have an awesome friend in Rainsong. I suspect she cares for you more than you realize. hold on to that thought when you are feeling down!)

if you need to vent, my pm's always open. I'll be thinking good thoughts for ya!
I love my friend Rainsong. She is a kind and a very caring person.

Isn't it amazing the love and strength we all have for each other and we don't know each other in "real" life. No one really knows how much strength I get from all of you.

Thank you all so very much.
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Old 11-15-2007, 11:59 PM   #85
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Sammie, I'm so sorry that the news wasn't good - sounds like you have a tough time ahead but keep fighting. We're all here rooting for you - even if you can't see us!
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Old 11-16-2007, 03:18 AM   #86
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Samantha, I happened upon your husband's post the other night and stopped by tonight to see how things are going. I was very sad to hear the diagnosis. I'll be sending positive thoughts. Just focus on the 72% rather than the 28%. My baby sister is going through her own situation with dysplasia and had a hysterectomy, but they just found some cells growing close to the surgically altered area. She just turned 45 on the 13th. I'm at my wit's end from worrying about her, but I know her situation is much less serious than yours, so I'm sure you and your family are having an incrementally more difficult time. Just know that we are all hugging you.
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Old 11-16-2007, 03:20 AM   #87
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Samantha, I happened upon your husband's post the other night and stopped by tonight to see how things are going. I was very sad to hear the diagnosis. I'll be sending positive thoughts. Just focus on the 72% rather than the 28%. My baby sister is going through her own situation with dysplasia and had a hysterectomy, but they just found some cells growing close to the surgically altered area. She just turned 45 on the 13th. I'm at my wit's end from worrying about her, but I know her situation is much less serious than yours, so I'm sure you and your family are having an incrementally more difficult time. Just know that we are all hugging you.
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Old 11-16-2007, 04:31 AM   #88
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Stay strong and have faith. I'll be praying for you.
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Old 11-16-2007, 05:20 AM   #89
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Sammie, I think of you often. Hang on to that 72% chance!
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Old 11-16-2007, 05:50 AM   #90
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Hi Sammie...me again, the person you don't know. Just wanted to give you unconditional love and support through this ordeal. I hear snippets everywhere about what a wonderful woman you are and this outpouring of love sure does support that opinion! Fight well dear woman.
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Old 11-16-2007, 06:02 AM   #91
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Sammie, I'll be thinking about you this next week. Stay strong and know there are many people that love you and want you around for a long time.

I'm only a couple hours away, so if there is anything I can do, please let me know.

The hospital is top-notch and the doctors are some of the best in the country.

((Hugs)) to you, my friend.
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Old 11-16-2007, 08:04 AM   #92
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(((hugs)))
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Old 11-16-2007, 08:29 AM   #93
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(((Hugs))) Please hang in there, and know your imaginary friends are thinking of you
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Old 11-16-2007, 04:47 PM   #94
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{{{hugs}}} Sammie.

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Old 12-08-2007, 08:19 PM   #95
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I have 11 days before chemo starts. I am starting to get scared - mostly of the side affects. I have a nice wig for when my hair falls out so that doesn't bother me. I can't afford to lose too much weight though as I am about normal there. Throwing up for 4 months doesn't sound great either. But I am mostly worried about my white blood count falling and messing up my getting the chemo. I will be getting what is called "dose-dense therapy" meaning I get it every 2 weeks instead of every 3. This is because of the large size of the tumor and the bad grade of 3.

I was just on the Mayo Clinic site and read for about an hour. I think that scares me more is reading about what will happen in the next 4-6 months. Now I have to see the radiology oncologist on Monday to probably be told that I should have my chest wall radiated for 30 days following the chemo.

I know my attitude MUST be very positive. I think that mind over body does and can work. I just wish my body would stop screwing things up for me. I have had 25 years of serious medical issues and I think I have tried to be positive. But I am getting tired. I am not feeling sorry for my self. I just think my kids have so much to worry about now. Their father has colon cancer and their mother breast cancer.

Thanks Karen for making me smile today. Your card is beautiful - as always.

Any words of wisdom for me?

Oh - I get the port put in my chest on the 18th and I have really bad feeling about my surgeon. I can't tell you what it is, but I am uncomfortable with him. Plus I found out what REALLY happened during my 9 hours of recovery following my mastectomy surgery and I am not happy about it. Remember that I am not conscious in recovery. First my heart went into a sinus tachycardia because my body I was in severe pain and not being treated for pain.

They had to first rule out a heart attack which took quite a while. They found out that my heart was reacting to pain they started to give me boosts of dilaudid every 10 minutes – until they truly over-dosed me and according to the hospital records, I stopped breathing and my heart went in the opposite direction. So it took a few more hours to bring me around to normal.

This brought out an “order” to give no opiods. Unfortunately this wasn’t reversed until the DR came in that next morning. I had the most painful night of my life when I woke up. And then he just sent me home. OK, I am getting my self all worked up.

Anyway, my time for treatment is coming fast so I hope getting through it will be as fast.


Thanks for letting me just ramble.
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Old 12-08-2007, 11:20 PM   #96
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I have 11 days before chemo starts. I am starting to get scared - mostly of the side affects. I have a nice wig for when my hair falls out so that doesn't bother me. I can't afford to lose too much weight though as I am about normal there. Throwing up for 4 months doesn't sound great either. But I am mostly worried about my white blood count falling and messing up my getting the chemo. I will be getting what is called "dose-dense therapy" meaning I get it every 2 weeks instead of every 3. This is because of the large size of the tumor and the bad grade of 3.

I was just on the Mayo Clinic site and read for about an hour. I think that scares me more is reading about what will happen in the next 4-6 months. Now I have to see the radiology oncologist on Monday to probably be told that I should have my chest wall radiated for 30 days following the chemo.

I know my attitude MUST be very positive. I think that mind over body does and can work. I just wish my body would stop screwing things up for me. I have had 25 years of serious medical issues and I think I have tried to be positive. But I am getting tired. I am not feeling sorry for my self. I just think my kids have so much to worry about now. Their father has colon cancer and their mother breast cancer.

Thanks Karen for making me smile today. Your card is beautiful - as always.

Any words of wisdom for me?

Oh - I get the port put in my chest on the 18th and I have really bad feeling about my surgeon. I can't tell you what it is, but I am uncomfortable with him. Plus I found out what REALLY happened during my 9 hours of recovery following my mastectomy surgery and I am not happy about it. Remember that I am not conscious in recovery. First my heart went into a sinus tachycardia because my body I was in severe pain and not being treated for pain.

They had to first rule out a heart attack which took quite a while. They found out that my heart was reacting to pain they started to give me boosts of dilaudid every 10 minutes – until they truly over-dosed me and according to the hospital records, I stopped breathing and my heart went in the opposite direction. So it took a few more hours to bring me around to normal.

This brought out an “order” to give no opiods. Unfortunately this wasn’t reversed until the DR came in that next morning. I had the most painful night of my life when I woke up. And then he just sent me home. OK, I am getting my self all worked up.

Anyway, my time for treatment is coming fast so I hope getting through it will be as fast.


Thanks for letting me just ramble.
Sammie, you are the one steering this boat, not your surgeon, he works FOR YOU! Discuss your concerns with him, if he doesn't step up, fire him. There are a lot of great surgeons out there. I worked as a surgical nurse for 20 years, and the golden rule in the operating room is that the most important person in the O.R. is the patient, not the surgeon.

As far as worrying about your white blood cell count, please try not to cross the bridge before you can see it, it will just wear you out. Try to get through this one single day at a time. I think of you often and wish you the best. I think your attitude is amazing. Stay strong.

Julie
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Old 12-09-2007, 12:40 AM   #97
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Hang in there, Sammie - you're a very strong person and I'm sure you have the strength to get through this. Like Julie says, take it one day at a time. And come here and ramble any time you like!
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Old 12-09-2007, 02:18 AM   #98
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Sammie, you do have a positive attitude, for all the stuff you've had going on, you've never come across as a "down" person. Nope. You deal with life as it comes, and that's great. Sure you'll get tired sometimes! That's what we're here for, right? To make you smile or maybe laugh, to vent at, to share with.
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:48 AM   #99
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Sammie and family,
Sitting here reading this thread from beginning to most recent and the tears started before you described what happened in the OR - then I just lost it - I am so sorry for the surgery you have been through already, and then the treatment you face. I hope it helps to know that women all over the world are praying for you and sitting here beside you, virtually holding your hand while you endure this illness. I sincerely hope that the next few months will be as easy and side-effect free as they can be. I know several BC survivors for whom survival was very iffy, and one designed a cool garment for wearing over the tubes - she even gave a tea party at University of Richmond that got into the Guiness Book of World Records. If you are too tired or weak to post, or read the good wishes posted here, maybe a friend or family member can keep us updated, and let you know the SCS cheerleading squad is at your service. Take good care and know that you are loved. oh, and listen to Julie about getting a surgeon you trust and feel good about.
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Old 12-09-2007, 07:50 AM   #100
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Trust your gut too. If you are uncomfortable with the surgeon, confront him and if it doesn't help, get a different one. I'll be praying for you and your family.
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Old 12-09-2007, 09:49 AM   #101
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It is so hard to read your updates. You're definitely in my thoughts. I hope you decide to do something about your surgeon situation. I felt very uncomfortable and uneasy, reading that you were uncomfortable with him.
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Old 12-09-2007, 01:20 PM   #102
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Oh Sammie--I agree, it was so hard to read your latest update. I got so sad and so MAD about the way you were treated.

And if you are not comfortable with your surgeon, listen to your instinct--it's there for a reason. There is nothing wrong with switching to another surgeon.

Big {{{hugs}}} and many prayers for you.

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Old 12-10-2007, 11:13 AM   #103
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Just sending a few hugs and a little bit of cyber love your way, for strength and courage in the coming weeks. Take good care.
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Old 12-10-2007, 04:00 PM   #104
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Thank you so much everyone. You make me want to cry. We don't know each other (in person) but we care. I feel so humbled by the love and support.

Believe it or not I actually have GOOD NEWS today. The radiology oncologist said I probably do not need radiation after the chemo ends. Whew!!! She said that even thought the tumor was large, the margins were clear. Plus she said it would cause a lot of problems with healing and infections from my lupus. There was another DR there that also agreed that he would not recommend it either.

So I am now just facing 4-6 months of chemo but no radiation after it. I should have my hair growing back sometime in the summer then.


I had the chest muscles stretched again today and my pain level is pretty high right now. But I am so relieved that there will be no radiation. I just hope they made the right decision. She said that having radiation would only change my survival rate by about 2% and the potential side affects out weighed benefits.

Thanks again for the kind words of encouragement.
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Old 12-10-2007, 04:13 PM   #105
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Oh Sammie, just chiming in with lots of ***hugs***! YEAH - no radiation!!
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Old 12-10-2007, 06:41 PM   #106
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Sammie, I've only read your posts here and there on this site, but I wanted to send a big cyber (((((hug))))) your way. I can tell from your posts that you must be a strong woman to have gone through everything you are now. Hang on to that toughness!
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Old 12-10-2007, 06:44 PM   #107
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Glad to hear that news - no radiation - hang in there , Sammie, we are rooting for you. Take good care.
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:06 AM   #108
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That's great news, Sammie!
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Old 12-11-2007, 12:56 PM   #109
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Checking in again Sammie. No you don't know me but I have been reading this thread and really and truly thinking and praying about you.

You have every right to be tired and sad from time to time. It doesn't mean you're negative, it means your human. That's what your support system is for- you have people both real and virtual who will fight for you when you're too tired to fight for yourself!

You are a strong, amazing woman. Your story is encouraging to anyone who has suffered and anyone who needs reassuring that they too can face any circumstance.

Congrats on not needing radiation- that's wonderful!! Celebrate every milestone.

Hope you find some peace and pain relief this week!! Best wishes to you now and always.
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Old 12-19-2007, 03:39 PM   #110
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Sammie girl ~ how are you feeling today?? I've been thinking about you.
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Old 12-19-2007, 07:07 PM   #111
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Originally Posted by Samantha View Post
Thank you so much everyone. You make me want to cry. We don't know each other (in person) but we care. I feel so humbled by the love and support.

Believe it or not I actually have GOOD NEWS today. The radiology oncologist said I probably do not need radiation after the chemo ends. Whew!!! She said that even thought the tumor was large, the margins were clear. Plus she said it would cause a lot of problems with healing and infections from my lupus. There was another DR there that also agreed that he would not recommend it either.

So I am now just facing 4-6 months of chemo but no radiation after it. I should have my hair growing back sometime in the summer then.


I had the chest muscles stretched again today and my pain level is pretty high right now. But I am so relieved that there will be no radiation. I just hope they made the right decision. She said that having radiation would only change my survival rate by about 2% and the potential side affects out weighed benefits.

Thanks again for the kind words of encouragement.
Yee haw!

So, I don't have to bother sending the year's worth of hats I picked up for you?

(Got your card. Your note made my day.

When the heck did you find time to stamp?)

Many hugs and LOTS of chocolate!

Rainsong
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Old 12-19-2007, 07:41 PM   #112
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Yee haw!

So, I don't have to bother sending the year's worth of hats I picked up for you?

(Got your card. Your note made my day.

When the heck did you find time to stamp?)

Many hugs and LOTS of chocolate!

Rainsong
Hats!!!! I got 2 more free ones today. I think I need more though.

I went home Tuesday with the Porta Cath put in my chest with the needle left in so I could get chemo today right into the Port via the needle. I slept in a recliner last night as I couldn't’t sleep on either side and only on my back. I had the Port hurting on one side and the expander on the other. Both hurt quite a bit. There is about a 2-3inch incision where it went in and then I have another small incision about an inch above that and 3 smaller ones yet. I have no clue what all the extra holes are for.

I had the 1st round of chemo today. I found out that every time I get chemo, I have to go back in the next day and get a shot of Neulasta which will help keep my white blood count up so I can do the dose-dense therapy (needed for the aggressive cancer and large size of the tumor). I also have to have my blood taken in the week I don’t have chemo to check the counts. This sounds so exhausting to me. I am hoping that I can get the blood work done in the middle week at the clinic in my small town. The nurse is going to call them but she didn't think they can use the porta cath and I don't care. I said they can take blood the old fashion way. But I need to go and get the "day after shot" in Madison -down town.

I picked up 2 medications for nausea on my way home. The nurse did give me IV meds for this before I got the chemo. Starting tonight and through tomorrow I have to take one pill every 8 hours and if it doesn’t work, I add the other one. On Friday I go to every 12 hours if all is going OK. I am just really tired, my head hurts and my ears are ringing. I guess I can handle that. I feel like my head is in a fog though. I am trying to remember what I have been told by the doctors and when.

One chemo treatment down and many to go.

Thanks and HUGS to all of you. You have made my life a bit easier.
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Old 12-20-2007, 12:38 AM   #113
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Great to hear from you Sammie - you're one step further along the road to recovery.
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Old 01-06-2008, 08:21 AM   #114
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I have been lurking a bit but haven't posted much. Whoever said cancer and chemo was a walk in the park is nuts. It has been really tough and I thought I was tough. NOT. The 1st round of chemo hit really hard and my white blood counts plummeted. The DR said to stay away from everyone – especially children. Hmmm….At that time my kids and grandkids were visiting and I had 5 kids under the age of 8. But all were healthy. During the first round of chemo, I got thrush and ended up in the ER when a surgical site in my lower back was attacked. I have not been to the ER in over 30 years, but this pain was truly unbearable. The day after each chemo, I have to get a shot of Neulasta that makes my body make white blood cells. Making those is painful – and more nausea too.

I have now lost my hair after the 2nd round. My hair started to feel like straw and it was like it was dying before it started to fall out. I had Mark buzz it off. I didn’t look until it was over and it was such a shock. We both cried and then I popped on a hat and tried to forget about it. I still am shocked when I look in the mirror and try to figure out how this all could have happened. Its bringing tears to my eyes right now and you would think I would be used to it. I still look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself.

I had round 2 of chemo last Wed... So that means this coming Wed my counts will be very low again and they said that everything that happened last time will happen again. I hope not. I have 2 rounds down and have 6 to go. Mark made a chart for me so everyday I can look and see the progress I have made. Two more rounds of this kind of chemo and then they change it to 4 rounds of a different one. The 2nd type will cause a lot more bone and muscle pain. Great. I already hurt enough.

My DD and 4 y/0 granddaughter left yesterday to head back to their home. I miss them so much. My DD cooked and froze enough meals to keep us eating for months.

OK, enough of feeling sorry for myself. I have to look at the future and think of this as just a bump in the road. I have tried to do that with lupus, but this is a bit tougher right now.

Thanks for the notes and cards of encouragements.

Love and hugs to you all.


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Old 01-06-2008, 08:28 AM   #115
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Sammie I am so sorry this has been so hard. I love that your hubby made you a progress chart - keep focusing on the positive. You'll get through the pain (one way or another) and when it is all done the pain will be a dull memory.

((hugs))
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Old 01-06-2008, 09:33 AM   #116
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Sammie, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. My heart aches for you, girl. I have a very good friend going through it as well, and she is also in agony with the Neulasta shots. She lost her hair after the 2nd round of chemo, but after the 5th I guess with whatever change her doctors made to the drip, her hair has started to grow back. You'll get there too. I can't fathom how difficult this must be for you, for her, for anyone going through chemo, but there are a lot of people out there who are thinking about you and sending you positive thoughts. Please know that we care about you!! Hang in there, hun!!!
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:02 AM   #117
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Thanks for updating us Sammie. I'm sorry it's so difficult for you - the chart sounds like an excellent idea. Just take it one step at a time and you'll get there in the end.
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Old 01-06-2008, 10:14 AM   #118
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I have never in my life heard anyone say cancer and chemo are a walk in the park??? Maybe in a park haunted by demons, patrolling regularly. So sorry you are having to endure this awful stuff - on msn today there is a quote that says how we endure is more important that what we endure - bet that author didn't have cancer, huh? Thanks for updating us, and remember our thoughts and prayers are always with you.
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Old 01-06-2008, 12:02 PM   #119
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Sammie, tha fact that you take time out of your pain and rightfully earned pity party to come update us speaks volumes about the kind of woman you are. Keep up the good fight. Keep that chart and in ten years take it out and tease DH about how silly he can be sometimes.

I hope that you truly do feel the warmth and love that comes in all these virtual hugs. You have a huge community rallying around you here. Please continue to take advantage if whatever you need from us. Don't hesitate to ask for anything.
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Old 01-06-2008, 01:12 PM   #120
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It was good to hear from you, Sammie, but I am sad that things are so tough for you right now. I can't begin to imagine what it is like.
I love that your DH has made a chart for you so you can see your progress thru this.
Many {{{hugs}}} and prayers for you.

Sharon
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