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Old 06-07-2009, 08:31 AM   #681
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Sammie,

It's so wonderful to hear that you're home and on the road to recovery. Mark sounds as though he's been so loving and so very much by your side.

(((HUGS))) to both of you--and don't worry, while Mark's hug is a normal one, I'm sending you a very extra-gentle, super-soft one.

Lots of love to both of you.
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Old 06-07-2009, 08:35 AM   #682
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I am so embarrassed to read what I wrote last night. I forgot spell check and obviously I forgot to re-read what I typed before hitting 'submit'. But then I am on enough pain meds to knock out an elephant. I hope the main message came through that I thank you all and all your support.
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Old 06-07-2009, 09:44 AM   #683
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Your message came out loud and clear. Don't concern yourself with spelling or anything like that. I don't know if given the same circumstances I could have written as well as you did.

Glad you are doing as well as you are!
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Old 06-07-2009, 04:02 PM   #684
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Sammie, no need to be embarrassed! We all got the main message and are just happy that you came through the surgery. Hopefully those pain meds are working!
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Old 06-07-2009, 09:07 PM   #685
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Glad you are doing so well Sammie! Which you must be if you felt the need to defend your medicated message
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Old 06-07-2009, 10:16 PM   #686
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samantha View Post
I am so embarrassed to read what I wrote last night. I forgot spell check and obviously I forgot to re-read what I typed before hitting 'submit'. But then I am on enough pain meds to knock out an elephant. I hope the main message came through that I thank you all and all your support.
Samy, we wer all just hapy too here from you. Know one waz spel cheking you. Remembr, pain medz ar a GOOD thing! (you know I’m kidding, right?!)

Seriously, no worries about any communication. We are all just so happy to hear from you. So many good thoughts going your way.

But your post does give us some insight into you – less than a week post surgery and you’re not only on the computer, but you’re concerned about your spelling and grammar. You ROCK! Crazy girl, but you ROCK! I’m the same way, so I fully understand!

We all continue to send you happy thoughts, but please don’t hesitate to tell us if there is anything specific we could do for you. What would you like to see in a ‘care’ package??? Are you committed to any swaps that you need help with? If I lived next door I’d come over and clean for you!
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Old 06-08-2009, 07:33 AM   #687
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LOL Vonnie. I needed a laugh this morning. Many of you already know I grew up in a dysfunctional family with alcoholic parents. My dad is no longer living but my mom is as mean as ever at age 84. I keep trying and I keep failing. So why does one try to get their parent's love when it isn't there?

She didn't call when I was in the hospital and that is fine. I called her last night and now I wish I hadn't. All she wanted to do was complain about Walgreen's and how they keep messing up prescriptions. I told her what I would do to fix the problem. Gee. Like.....how about talking to them.

She gets up at 3 AM and can't wait until 9 AM to talk to someone. She will call at 4 am and leave a dumb message. Anyway suddenly she started to get nasty and I didn't feel well enough to listen or argue with her. She said something nasty and I actually broke down and started to cry and said I had to go.

Then she said what really hurt. She said "I am never going to talk to you again". Now I am sobbing at this and asked how she could say this to her daughter and she said it was my fault. So I said good-bye and cried like a baby.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I should know better than to try and help someone who only sees the bad. But I only have one mother. Talk about pain when crying and using muscles after surgery. I hurt so badly both physically and mentally. But I am not going to call her for a long time.

The 2 weeks before my surgery, Mark and I planted about 20-25 transplanted plants to try and make her smile when she looked outside her condo and it really looks nice. We also pained the lower level of her condo. Why do I do this when I am treated like sh*t? There must be something seriously wrong with me. I keep waiting for her to say “I love you”. But it will never happen.

I should know better. At age 60, I still want my mother to love me.
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Old 06-08-2009, 07:42 AM   #688
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Oh Sammie, I am so so sorry to hear this. *hugs* You deserve soooo much better.
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Old 06-08-2009, 08:08 AM   #689
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There must be something seriously wrong with me. I keep waiting for her to say “I love you”. But it will never happen.

I should know better. At age 60, I still want my mother to love me.

Sammie, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you are a kind, loving, thoughtful woman. I am sorry that you don't have the relationship you would want with your mother, but your mothers actions (or lack of) are no reflection on you. Your ability to love her regardless is a testament to how good and loving a woman you are.

Heal well and quickly.

xxx
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Old 06-08-2009, 08:14 AM   #690
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LOL Vonnie. I needed a laugh this morning. Many of you already know I grew up in a dysfunctional family with alcoholic parents. My dad is no longer living but my mom is as mean as ever at age 84. I keep trying and I keep failing. So why does one try to get their parent's love when it isn't there?

She didn't call when I was in the hospital and that is fine. I called her last night and now I wish I hadn't. All she wanted to do was complain about Walgreen's and how they keep messing up prescriptions. I told her what I would do to fix the problem. Gee. Like.....how about talking to them.

She gets up at 3 AM and can't wait until 9 AM to talk to someone. She will call at 4 am and leave a dumb message. Anyway suddenly she started to get nasty and I didn't feel well enough to listen or argue with her. She said something nasty and I actually broke down and started to cry and said I had to go.

Then she said what really hurt. She said "I am never going to talk to you again". Now I am sobbing at this and asked how she could say this to her daughter and she said it was my fault. So I said good-bye and cried like a baby.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I should know better than to try and help someone who only sees the bad. But I only have one mother. Talk about pain when crying and using muscles after surgery. I hurt so badly both physically and mentally. But I am not going to call her for a long time.

The 2 weeks before my surgery, Mark and I planted about 20-25 transplanted plants to try and make her smile when she looked outside her condo and it really looks nice. We also pained the lower level of her condo. Why do I do this when I am treated like sh*t? There must be something seriously wrong with me. I keep waiting for her to say “I love you”. But it will never happen.

I should know better. At age 60, I still want my mother to love me.
Oh Sammie, this makes me so sad. You do not deserve to be treated that way and there is nothing wrong with you. From reading your posts here I can tell you're a very kind and loving person who deserves much, much better than this.
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Old 06-08-2009, 09:48 AM   #691
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Maybe if you can put your "mother" in the acquaintance relationship category within your mind, it will be easier to deal with her. What a rotten way to treat a daughter!
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Old 06-08-2009, 01:53 PM   #692
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How very, very sad. Although you were probably better off that she didn't call you while you were in the hospital. Sounds like she would have just upset you. I don't think it matters if you're 60 or 6 – everyone needs and wants their mommy to love them and be a positive part of their life. You are obviously a pretty amazing person and it's a shame that she is missing out on that. I'm floored that she would be that devastatingly hurtful to her own daughter. Or anyone, for that matter. No one ever needs this kind of poison in their life, especially you right now. If she calls, let Superhero Mark take the call. You need all the good, positive energy you can get and the emotional pain she causes you could actually have a negative effect on your recovery. I hope you can let this (her) go for at least awhile so you can focus on YOU. Yes, you only have one mother but she's causing you too much damage right now.

When you get that Walgreen prescription thing fixed I have a little issue with big, bad Chase taking over little, friendly Washington Mutual that I'd like you to handle.
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Old 06-08-2009, 02:10 PM   #693
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Sammie,

As someone else from a family with serious issues, just a very gentle (((HUG))) to you. One of the things that helped me the most was the night one of the guys in my Al-Anon group said about his parents, 'just because it sucks doesn't mean they aren't doing their best, and just because they're doing their best doesn't mean it doesn't suck.' I think that helped me a lot because it helped me realize that there are people who get so stuck in their own bitterness or anger or unresolved issues that they feel entitled to lash out at people. There's usually a reason they turned out that way, and you're in no way responsible for that. But it doesn't make their behavior any less cruel or vitriolic to deal with.

I guess what the guy in my group helped so much because it seemed like at the same time he had this quiet encouragement to accept people as they are, and accept that you're not responsible for what made them that way, or for changing them--but he also had this total acceptance that it's so completely hurtful to deal with that abusive behavior, and that you're allowed to be upset and angry.

It must be so hard to keep that sort of detached perspective when you're in the middle of going through all the pain and exhaustion of surgery--especially when you and Mark went so far out of your way to do so much to bring her cheer, and when you've done that out of love. I don't know, maybe some people just feel like they need that power of being able to deny someone that sense of love and belonging. But that hardness in her takes nothing away from all the love and warmth in your heart and in Mark's. I wish she could give you the love and show you the kindness--or even the simple courtesy--that would mean so much to you right now. I hate it that she can't.

But in the end she's losing more than she knows in turning away from that chance to grow closer to someone so loving, and so truly kind, gentle, funny and full of life. I feel so blessed by having the chance to have gotten to know you. I can't imagine anyone turning that down. But I also see how much warmth and delight she's missed in choosing to be so cold.
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Old 06-08-2009, 04:28 PM   #694
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Sammie! Just concentrate on you right now. There's a whole bunch of people here who care about you and are wishing the best for you in your recovery.
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Old 06-08-2009, 06:33 PM   #695
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Samantha, just wanted to say that I'm glad to hear your recovery is going well. Hang in there, I'm sorry your mom is treating you badly, but she's the one with the problem, not you. Sounds like you have one of the best husbands and family a woman could want, so get yourself all better for them. (((((HUGS)))))

ETA The way I worded my post makes it look like I said you have more than one husband. Believe me, I know you don't! Take care!
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Old 06-09-2009, 08:26 AM   #696
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Sammie,

As someone else from a family with serious issues, just a very gentle (((HUG))) to you. One of the things that helped me the most was the night one of the guys in my Al-Anon group said about his parents, 'just because it sucks doesn't mean they aren't doing their best, and just because they're doing their best doesn't mean it doesn't suck.' I think that helped me a lot because it helped me realize that there are people who get so stuck in their own bitterness or anger or unresolved issues that they feel entitled to lash out at people. There's usually a reason they turned out that way, and you're in no way responsible for that. But it doesn't make their behavior any less cruel or vitriolic to deal with.

I guess what the guy in my group helped so much because it seemed like at the same time he had this quiet encouragement to accept people as they are, and accept that you're not responsible for what made them that way, or for changing them--but he also had this total acceptance that it's so completely hurtful to deal with that abusive behavior, and that you're allowed to be upset and angry.

It must be so hard to keep that sort of detached perspective when you're in the middle of going through all the pain and exhaustion of surgery--especially when you and Mark went so far out of your way to do so much to bring her cheer, and when you've done that out of love. I don't know, maybe some people just feel like they need that power of being able to deny someone that sense of love and belonging. But that hardness in her takes nothing away from all the love and warmth in your heart and in Mark's. I wish she could give you the love and show you the kindness--or even the simple courtesy--that would mean so much to you right now. I hate it that she can't.

But in the end she's losing more than she knows in turning away from that chance to grow closer to someone so loving, and so truly kind, gentle, funny and full of life. I feel so blessed by having the chance to have gotten to know you. I can't imagine anyone turning that down. But I also see how much warmth and delight she's missed in choosing to be so cold.
Yes, I know in my heart that she must have had a terrible life but she won't talk about it. I have tried when she is in a good mood to ask innocent questions. All I know is that her mother died from TB when she was 4 and her dad made her go to the funeral home to see her dead mother and then that night wanted to give her to her aunt to raise her. It was a time when men worked and women raised the kids.

Anyway, he re-married shortly after to have a woman to raise her and all she will say is that she was a mean and cruel step-mother. She died when my mother was 17. Her dad married again right away to a strict Lutheran. My mom got pregnant at 18, married and lived unhappily every after. (I didn't know she was pregnant when she got married until my dad died and she had to be honest about dates). What a shock. Accoring to mom, her new step-mother kept her dad away because she got pregnant but that changed as soon as she saw the baby. This was the grandmother that I loved dearly and I credit her with loving me and I loved spending time with her. This made my mother angry that I was so close to her but she was the only grandmother I knew and she was wonderful to me - and she loved me.

My mother never learned to drive and is dependant on us to take her anywhere and I know that is frustrating for her. She is so angry at the world, is racist and just a lonely, bitter person who won't let me into her life.

See, I am rationalizing her behavior already. But I can't talk to her for a while as she really hurt me this time. She has really hurt me before, but after a little time goes by, somehow she forgets all the hateful things she has said. I shouldn't have called her at night as I forgot she has probably had a few beers which make things worse.

She doesn't understand how the rules change for getting prescription (for example) and won't listen how easy it is to do things if she would just listen.

Thank you everyone for not only supporting me physically but emotionally. I took to heart everything that has been said.

Update on me today (I don't have a mother to tell) is that my pain level is about a 6-7. Instead of sleeping in my recliner, I tried my bed but had a very painful time trying to get out of bed from a flat position. Very painful when one is missing half the stomach muscles. I see the doc on Friday. All of the incisions look good but I need a lot more time to heal.

Hugs and Love to all of you.
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Old 06-09-2009, 09:54 AM   #697
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Update on me today (I don't have a mother to tell) is that my pain level is about a 6-7. Instead of sleeping in my recliner, I tried my bed but had a very painful time trying to get out of bed from a flat position. Very painful when one is missing half the stomach muscles. I see the doc on Friday. All of the incisions look good but I need a lot more time to heal.

Hugs and Love to all of you.
Even if you were updating her daily we'd all still be here hounding you for updates!

I'm sorry sleeping in your bed didn't go so well. Maybe the recliner for awhile longer? Fingers crossed for the doctor appointment on Friday. I would imagine that getting in and out of the car is going to be pretty tough. Hopefully Mark is physically able to help you.

Sending good thoughts that your pain level goes down soon.
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Old 06-12-2009, 05:34 PM   #698
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First, thank you so much Vonnie (virtualyvonne). I love your card. I wish I looked that sexy and cute. Thank you for thinking of me.

Second - I got the last tube and bottle removed this afternoon. It really didn't hurt like it did with the mastectomy, it was just annoying. I kept catching them on door knobs. I was moving but the tube was stitched in so it would abruptly stop me and pull like heck. I can take a shower now. Yeah. Oh, the little things in life one enjoys. No more washing my hair in the kitchen sink and no more sponge baths. I still can't lift more than 10 pounds for the next 2 months but I can manage that.

Oh, there was something kind of funny in the hospital. It was my first time up and I went to the BR to brush my teeth and wash up a little. I had the usual poled and of course the very attractive urine bag. Anyway, an older nurse, probably my age, was straightening out my bed and she knocked on the door to see if she could come in. Sure. She rubbed by back and washed it off and then asked if she could wash my butt cheeks. What? I thought I misheard her. Being stunned, I asked her if they looked like they needed it. She said '"no" but thought I would feel better. In that case, I decided I could probably manage to do it myself. Funny. Mark almost cracked a rib he laughed so hard when I told him. He said "Hmmm...why didn't I every think of that line"?

I am really tired tonight after my first day out. I am anxiously waiting for my granddaughter who is 5. She is coming by train (with her mother) to be my nurse. I can't wait.

So, right now I am alive and doing OK. What else can I ask for anyway?
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Old 06-12-2009, 05:44 PM   #699
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Oh my Sammie - I guess you are glad to be able to wash yourself up now I'm so glad all the tubes are out. You sound much better too (at least the tone I was reading it in sound happy, lol). Good spirits always make recovery better!
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Old 06-12-2009, 07:16 PM   #700
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First, thank you so much Vonnie (virtualyvonne). I love your card. I wish I looked that sexy and cute. Thank you for thinking of me.

Second - I got the last tube and bottle removed this afternoon. It really didn't hurt like it did with the mastectomy, it was just annoying. I kept catching them on door knobs. I was moving but the tube was stitched in so it would abruptly stop me and pull like heck. I can take a shower now. Yeah. Oh, the little things in life one enjoys. No more washing my hair in the kitchen sink and no more sponge baths. I still can't lift more than 10 pounds for the next 2 months but I can manage that.

Oh, there was something kind of funny in the hospital. It was my first time up and I went to the BR to brush my teeth and wash up a little. I had the usual poled and of course the very attractive urine bag. Anyway, an older nurse, probably my age, was straightening out my bed and she knocked on the door to see if she could come in. Sure. She rubbed by back and washed it off and then asked if she could wash my butt cheeks. What? I thought I misheard her. Being stunned, I asked her if they looked like they needed it. She said '"no" but thought I would feel better. In that case, I decided I could probably manage to do it myself. Funny. Mark almost cracked a rib he laughed so hard when I told him. He said "Hmmm...why didn't I every think of that line"?

I am really tired tonight after my first day out. I am anxiously waiting for my granddaughter who is 5. She is coming by train (with her mother) to be my nurse. I can't wait.

So, right now I am alive and doing OK. What else can I ask for anyway?
She was hittin' on you, Sammie. What with your new perky boobs, taut tummy and cute tush!

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Old 06-12-2009, 08:52 PM   #701
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She was hittin' on you, Sammie. What with your new perky boobs, taut tummy and cute tush!

Rainsong
LOL. That's too funny. But.....it did occur to me. Not taut tush though.

One thing I forgot to mention is that I have a thrombosis in my forearm about 4 inches where the IV was put it. After the first 24 hours, I did mention that everything, including saline, that went in there really burned and hurt. So I went home with a swollen wrist taking antibiotics and now he said to take Aspirin for a month. Does anyone know if this sounds right?

I miss you Rainsong. Where have you been? I keep looking for your posts especially - you know where. We need you.
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Old 06-12-2009, 09:26 PM   #702
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So good to hear from you Sammie, and with good news!

Did the nurse actually use the words ‘butt cheeks’??? That is too funny and more than just a little awkward! And you asking if they looked like they needed it - that is hilarious! The fact that you can find some humor in your experiences speaks volumes about you. Yep, you rock!

Very exciting that your granddaughter is coming to visit, but please be careful. I’m willing to bet she weighs more than 10 pounds! I know, I’m a nag but I can’t help it.

Thanks so much for keeping us updated.
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Old 06-12-2009, 11:24 PM   #703
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LOL. That's too funny. But.....it did occur to me. Not taut tush though.

One thing I forgot to mention is that I have a thrombosis in my forearm about 4 inches where the IV was put it. After the first 24 hours, I did mention that everything, including saline, that went in there really burned and hurt. So I went home with a swollen wrist taking antibiotics and now he said to take Aspirin for a month. Does anyone know if this sounds right?

I miss you Rainsong. Where have you been? I keep looking for your posts especially - you know where. We need you.
I just did a quick Google of thrombosis (I didn’t know what it was) and no, it doesn’t sound right. Everything that came up was related to the leg. You have it in the wrist - I would be concerned. Aspirin? ***. Make your doctors pay attention. Put Super Hero Mark on it. Again sorry, I’m a nag. It’s one of the few things I do best.
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Old 06-14-2009, 07:42 AM   #704
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I just did a quick Google of thrombosis (I didn’t know what it was) and no, it doesn’t sound right. Everything that came up was related to the leg. You have it in the wrist - I would be concerned. Aspirin? ***. Make your doctors pay attention. Put Super Hero Mark on it. Again sorry, I’m a nag. It’s one of the few things I do best.
You had me a bit curious and worried but I was thinking the same thing. I had never heard of a thrombosis in the hand/wrist. But there are some. I Googled 'wrist thrombosis' and tried to Google aspirin with it. But my feeling is that it may be a small one. He said he could feel it and it can happen easily. The swelling has gone down and now it just hurts a little. My abdomen hurts so much I barely notice anything else.

Yesterday I fell asleep in the afternoon about 1 PM and slept on and off until I went to bed. When I woke up I would come here online and then fall asleep again and then I slept all night long. I must have been exhausted from going to the DR. I had my SIL come over for 3 hours on Thursday and that was way too long. I have talked to her about not spending too much time with weak and sick people and she didn't pick up the hint that I meant ME.

Today my DD and grand daughter comes. I have a little notebook for the 5 y/o nurse with her name on it as my nurse. I have typed out her "duties". I think she will have fun being my nurse.

Overall I think I am recovering like I should. I just thought I would move to the head of the class and be farther along by now.

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Old 06-14-2009, 12:45 PM   #705
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Well don't try to rush it too much - if you go to fast it makes it take all that much longer!
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Old 06-14-2009, 04:11 PM   #706
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Sammy, Karen is right, take it easy....please don't be too impatient. Give yourself the time your body needs. ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))
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Old 06-15-2009, 07:59 AM   #707
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I had my SIL come over for 3 hours on Thursday and that was way too long. I have talked to her about not spending too much time with weak and sick people and she didn't pick up the hint that I meant ME.
Next time be blunt; you can kindly say "I can feel myself starting to get tired. I don't mean to kick you out; I appreciate your company, I really do. It's just that I need to get some sleep (or rest or whatever) now."

I'm glad that the wrist thrombosis is better. Hopefully your abdomen will feel better soon too.

How did your little nurse do?
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Old 06-15-2009, 04:58 PM   #708
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So good to hear that you were able to get some solid sleep and that the wrist is better. It was smart that you were looking into it - it's never a bad thing to ask questions. Hopefully the abdomen pain will continue to lessen every day. Take it easy, let your body heal itself, and let others help - you'll get to the head of the class soon enough!

Is your nurse enjoying her duties? I can imagine how important and grownup she feels getting to take care of grandma!
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Old 06-16-2009, 01:59 PM   #709
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Sammie, I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better and I hope you're having a GREAT time with your daughter and granddaughter!

I very much hope she enjoys taking care of you as much as you'll enjoy having her with you.

Gentle hug and take care of those special butt cheeks for us!
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Old 06-17-2009, 03:56 AM   #710
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Sammie,

So glad you are feeling better. My thoughts are with you.

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Old 06-21-2009, 04:42 AM   #711
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Well I am 19 days out of surgery and am doing pretty well. I have surgical pain still and tire easily but that is to be expected. I can feel where the small blood clot in my hand/wrist is now and read about it and they say that you do take aspirin for it. I am doing that.

MY DD and grand daughter left on Thursday and I miss them and of course I miss my little nurse who learner how to use the stethoscope and blood pressure cuff very fast. That was her favorite part.

What I didn’t know happened until yesterday when I called my mother to see how she was doing and she just started yelling and screaming at me. My DD made her a dessert and she and GD went to see her. I had told my DD about the last time my mother upset me so much so she went over to her grand mother, went down on bended knee by her side and asked her if she would tell her 60 y/o daughter that she lover her just once. My DD said they talked and then when she went to leave, she hugged my mother and told her she loved her. My mother said nothing.

My DD said that my mother told her we (her children) didn’t respect or care about her. That is soooo not true. Mark and I have tried so hard right up until my surgery to do special things for her out of love – I thought. We painted her entire lower level of her condo. We planted perennials from the front of her house all the way around to the back. We took her a ton of extra groceries she didn’t ask for. We all bought her a new stove and microwave. There were other things, but it is early and I can’t think. I guess I am trying to win her love the wrong way. I can’t sleep either.

Anyway, when I called my mother to see how she was, she really lit into me for sending my DD to upset her and she said she was sick of me. She was yelling…..
I was crying in shock…and finally I just had enough and said I couldn’t talk to her anymore. She said good and hung up. I know she had a tough childhood with her mother dying when she was 4 then having a mean step-mother 8 months after her other died until her senior year in HS when she died. Then my grandfather married an angel IMO. She was loving, my grandmother and was the only person who said she loved me as a child.

I feel I didn’t have a mother either. I had a cook; a house cleaner; an alcoholic woman who hit and threw things at us; a woman who would tell my drunk dad about us and he would use his belt to beat us, throw us down a flight of stairs if we were near one etc. But no love in my house. My mother doesn’t remember any of this because she was drunk all the time.

Anyway, I did tell her I loved her several months ago and she said nothing back. I wrote it out in her last few cards. I tired to hug her a while back and she was as stiff as a board. I told her yesterday that I tell my kids I love them and she said that it was sickening of me as that can go too far. Because my kids live out of state, she hasn’t seen me with them for years. So I have no idea where that came from.

I literally sobbed out loud after I hung up and cried all day. I did call my DD to see what happened when she went to visit but she said she wouldn’t tell me everything my mother said. Now I am not sure what that means. This is the 2nd time my mother attacked me since my surgery. I know I am weak and maybe easy to upset. So she wins I guess and I will just not call or visit.
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Old 06-21-2009, 04:57 AM   #712
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Sammie
You should be very proud of yourself for raising well-balanced children and having loving, meaningful relationships with your DD & GD. You have done so well not to repeat history, as can happen so often. It's none of my business but think it would be better for your healing process to stay away from your mother and concentrate on the people who do you good - ie your wonderful DH and loving DD and fantastic young nurse GD.

And your mother should be glad that none of us lives near enough to her go round and give her a piece of our minds.

Hugs.
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Old 06-21-2009, 06:00 AM   #713
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Sammie
You should be very proud of yourself for raising well-balanced children and having loving, meaningful relationships with your DD & GD. You have done so well not to repeat history, as can happen so often. It's none of my business but think it would be better for your healing process to stay away from your mother and concentrate on the people who do you good - ie your wonderful DH and loving DD and fantastic young nurse GD.

And your mother should be glad that none of us lives near enough to her go round and give her a piece of our minds.

Hugs.
This is very true. You broke what is probably a very old cycle that goes back generations. I'm sorry your mother can't give you what you long to hear. You have continued to care for her when others would have been driven away long ago. As Bagpuss said, I know it's hard to do but it would probably be better to keep your distance as much as possible. Remind yourself of the people who do love you, appreciate you and value your presence. Take what comfort you can in that and let the rest go. You are doing amazingly well with your recovery. Focus on you.
Be well.
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Old 06-21-2009, 07:48 AM   #714
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hugs to you, Sammie.
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Old 06-21-2009, 08:12 AM   #715
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Yikes Sammie. I'm glad to hear that you are recovering well. But I dunno what to say about your mother. If I were you, I would never contact or do anything for her again actually. But then again I am a little more cold-blooded than anyone I know.

I do have a close friend who has never told me what her mother did to her; I just know that she grew up in an abusive nunnery away from her mother who dislikes her very much. Also, I know that her mother does love/like my friend's other siblings. My friend doesn't have any contact with her mother, and hasn't, for years now. They do live in the same city. She is not cold-blooded or hard-hearted like me, yet she has no contact with her mother. Maybe just an option for you to keep open...

<hugs to you> It sounds like your emotional scars are deeper than your physical ones. Hopefully they start healing soon too.
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Old 06-21-2009, 10:15 AM   #716
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Dear Sammie, I'm glad to "hear" that you're feeling better and mending on schedule!

As for the mess with your mother, I understand somewhat of what you're going through. After one too many hurtful comments/doings from my mom (we live in the same town) I made the decision to separate from her. I see her at family gatherings and such, and I am cordial to her but that was about it for almost 2 years. I am starting to talk to her and visit with her, but it's all at my pace and discretion. She doesn't understand how hurtful she is to me and I'm working on accepting her as she is. I've known for a long long time that to me she is a toxic person. ((((((((HUGS))))))))
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Old 06-22-2009, 11:34 PM   #717
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I’m so happy to hear that physically you are progressing well. I’m glad that you got the info you needed regarding your wrist thrombosis and are reassured that aspirin is the correct treatment (I didn’t mean to scare you when I questioned it in an earlier post!).

Sounds like you had a wonderful visit with your DD and GD and that GD did so well in her nursing skills. Who knows, maybe your GD will be a nurse or doctor when she grows up!

As for the situation with your mother – my heart breaks for you. Once again you extended yourself and got slapped down for it. It’s probably best that you don’t know all of what she said to your DD. It’s too bad that your DD had to hear it. I know it’s hard, but you need to distance yourself from the negative emotional onslaught that is your mother. You need positive influences to get yourself well. There will come a time when you can try to figure out what’s going on with your mother, but now is not it. Wrap yourself in all of the love, comfort, and support that you have and let that blanket shield you from anything hurtful.

And keep us updated on your progress because I really hate to nag.
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Old 07-11-2009, 02:46 PM   #718
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Oh man I am bummed. I was bragging about how well I have been doing after surgery and ...wham...I can barely move at times. My main incision runs hip to hip and then up at little on each side. So it is huge. It is healing very well but I have suddenly started to get stabbing pains about 2 inches below the incision and 4 inches to the left of the left hip. It bends me over and stops me in my tracks.

When they cut the left side 6 pack muscle, they rolled it up and I was wondering how they got the skin attached too as I didn't have any on the right side where the mastectomy was. What they did was cut it at the pubic bone and then roll up everything - fat, nerves, muscle and skin. Then right at the rib cage, he twisted it around under the muscle and ribs and put in on hole on the right side.

Anyway, the pain is keeping me from going or barely moving. I called the Doc yesterday and of course he is on vacation for another week. But another Doc said they had to put in mesh to try and keep hernias from developing and that maybe some of the nerve endings are touching and leaning on the mesh. That would cause a lot of pain he said. OK. He said that the nerves will have to heal before the pain will subside.

What is upsetting me is that Mark and I are supposed to go to Portland to visit our DD and grand kids in 2 weeks. When I had the surgery, they said not to worry that I should be fine as long as I promised not to lift anything. I also can't sleep a whole night in bed and always end up in the recliner to ease the pain. I don't know how I am going to be able to function at DD's house. I haven't seen them since Christmas and am upset as to what to do.

I did buy insurance for travel a few weeks ago and like a dummy, I guess I didn't read the fine print. It doesn't cover pre-existing conditions. I wonder if this is a pre-existing condition relating to breast cancer or from the surgery. Now I am more upset that I didn't read carefully enough. I was thinking that maybe Mark could still go and then I could change my ticket for 2 months from now when I should be fine for sure. But if the travel insurance won't cover the change, it costs 150.00 just to change the ticket. Darn it.

I am bummed out again and feel guilty if I can't make the trip as I know the kids are looking forward to it...and me too. Being sick really isn't for sissies.

Sorry to ramble.
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Old 07-11-2009, 04:02 PM   #719
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Oh Sammie, that SUCKS!!! I really, really hope your pain subsides in time for your trip and then you won't have to change tickets. I hope your nerves heal quickly!!!
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Old 07-11-2009, 07:24 PM   #720
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I’m sorry you’re having debilitating pain again, Sammie. Did the doctor give you any idea how long it takes nerve endings to heal? It might make it easier to bear if you had a general idea of when you could expect some relief.

Congrats on doing so well prior to this setback. Hoping your nerve endings heal in record time and you can enjoy your upcoming trip.

And you, Miss Samantha, are most certainly not a sissy!
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