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Old 08-11-2008, 07:41 PM   #521
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Sammie,

Please know I will be keeping you in my thoughts for tomorrow's surgery and for a swift recovery and know your sister and her family are also wrapped in warm thoughts. The strength of your spirit moves me knowing how much you and your family have had to bear.

Blessings and love,

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Old 08-11-2008, 11:38 PM   #522
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As so often, Rainsong says it best.
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:19 AM   #523
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((((((hugs))))))
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Old 08-12-2008, 04:32 AM   #524
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Sammie,

I am so sorry about your DS, I too have kept you and yours in my prayers. Just remember that though we all may not be able to be there for you in person, we are here for you.

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Old 08-12-2008, 04:34 AM   #525
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:04 AM   #526
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Originally Posted by Samantha View Post
My BIL shot and killed himself 2 days ago in my sister’s and his laundry room.... she found him. He was in my class in high school so he was about 58 or 58. My sister and her 2 married children are in shock. She said there were no signs that anything was wrong or that he was depressed. I went to her home as soon as I heard and it was terrible. How does one ever get the image of finding one's lived one dead and full of blood in their house? My sister went from talking to crying and trying to think about what she could have done to prevent this. I still can’t believe this. He was always quiet, but even my sister said that as far as she knew, he wasn’t depressed. What a horrible thing to happen.

I am having surgery tomorrow. The surgery is for repairs and replacements. I had an implant put in the side of my chest when I had the mastectomy. They have to put them under the muscle after mastectomies are done. They then stretch the muscle and skin over several weeks. That was done many months ago. But the implant has stuck to the muscle and has rippled badly. It has to be removed. He is going to replace it with another type. I hope it works. On the other side, he had given me a "lift" for symmetry. He had cut all the way around the nipple and moved it with the lift so it would look normal. But part of the breast has fallen and it is now crooked – and I am not that big.

So he has to re-do the lift and then place something under the breast to keep it in place. I will be having it done as a day surgery though because I just want to come home tomorrow night. I think I can manage the pain with meds here. The hospitals are so noisy. After what has happened with my BIL, I need 1 1/2 good days of sleep to be able to go to the service Thursday night. It will be painful, but not as painful as what my sister's family is going through. I'll be all taped and stitched up, but I am going.
Sammie,

My heart goes out to your sister and her family. What a devastating loss.

I will be saying prayers for all of them as well as prayers that your surgery goes well today. I am thinking of you and sending warm thoughts and warm wishes for a speedy recovery, and deepest sympathy to your sister and her family.
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:12 AM   #527
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I was so sorry to read your post and hear of what your sister and family is going through.... it seems you had enough to deal with already, no?

I'm sorry all of this is happening to you - I hope you have an easy surgery and recovery and that your sister finds some peace.
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Old 08-12-2008, 07:15 AM   #528
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I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
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Old 08-12-2008, 10:39 AM   #529
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Oh my gosh, that is horrible. I am so sorry to hear about your brother-in-law's suicide. I cannot even imagine.

Best wishes for your surgery!
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:04 PM   #530
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My thoughts are with you for your immediate surgery and for your loss.
Hopefully time will slowly heal the hurt a little. This must be just devastasting for your whole family.
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Old 08-12-2008, 05:58 PM   #531
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Sammy, I am so sorry to read this. I take it your sister lives close to you? I hope the surgery went well today. I am so sorry to hear about your family's loss. What a tragedy. I am still right down the road from you, please call me if you need anything at all. My heart aches for you and your family.
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Old 08-12-2008, 06:42 PM   #532
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I've emailed Mark asking for an update. If he responds before midnight, east coast time, I'll post it to the thread.

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Old 08-12-2008, 07:33 PM   #533
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Sammie sent me a very brief update:

Hi Rainsong,

I am home and in a lot of pain.

I will e-mail you tomorrow about my how my sister is doing. I had to come home and not spend a night in the hospital as I want to support her and her family. It is so shocking to everyone.

I am doing OK (other than the pain) and I'll let you know what they had to do.

Love,
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Old 08-12-2008, 07:48 PM   #534
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Sammie you have so much to deal with when you just really need to be focusing on yourself. I'm so sorry you are dealing with pain again (still?) and going through this horrible family tragedy.

Gentle hugs to you all
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Old 08-12-2008, 09:30 PM   #535
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Ok well then - one step at a time. the surgery was successful right? that is a good thing. tomorrow is another day. And the next day after that is another.
and then another. right now, it's important to love each other, make sure you eat good nutritious foods (this is EXTREMELEY important) and take some time to think, and cry a little, and be strong, and think about the future.
That's a BIG task for you right now.
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Old 08-13-2008, 07:03 AM   #536
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rainsong View Post
Sammie sent me a very brief update:

Hi Rainsong,

I am home and in a lot of pain.

I will e-mail you tomorrow about my how my sister is doing. I had to come home and not spend a night in the hospital as I want to support her and her family. It is so shocking to everyone.

I am doing OK (other than the pain) and I'll let you know what they had to do.

Love,
Sammie

Thanks Rainsong for finding out Sammie is doing OK. Best wishes, Sammie -- you can make it. Take it easy now. Sorry to hear about your BIL. Better days MUST be ahead!
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Old 08-13-2008, 01:55 PM   #537
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Thanks you every one for your sympathy for my family and specifically for my SIL. They were married 10 months after my DH and me. My mind keeps going back in time about all the gatherings and fun we all had. With a very large family (of us) and our spouses, celebrations were great. I am still in shock and my sister is still trying to figure out why she didn't see it coming. But after the funeral tomorrow, we will be encouraging her and her 2 kid to seek counseling either alone or as a family. But she will never get the picture of what she found out of her head.

He was a very "clean and neat" kind of guy and went into the laundry room with rugs and towels around him trying to keep it as neat as possible. It is scary that depression can be kept hidden and that people have to live in hiding out of fear of what others might think. He was a former military guy and they in particular have a hard time admitting depression.

As for my surgery - ouch. I am in pain today, swollen and bruised. The surgery took 1 1/2 hours and 1 1/2 hours in recovery. Not too bad. Hopefully this will be my last surgery EVER. The surgeon had to work on both sides of my chest so it hurts to try and move or lift anything. My only really aggravating problem is that I have such a bad headache. I can deal with that if that and chest pains are the end of all of this.

But I have Mark and he is wonderful. I was supposed to sleep in a recliner lat night and he slept in his chair just to be out here with me. I told him to go to bed, but he didn’t want to leave me out here alone. I really don't know what I would do without him. We will be married 40 years next January and it is still like the "old days". We were both married at 19. I am even more grateful after the tragedy in our family.

I went with Mark today for his DR app't as he is having major problems with bowel obstruction every 2-3 weeks. So far he has kept himself out of the hospital by throwing up anything that is on this side of the closing and that takes the pressure off. Then pain meds, 3-4 days of clear liquids followed by Energy drinks and then soft foods. So far - so good.

Thank you everyone for giving me strength and feelings of never giving up in this battle. Also thank you for your expressions of sympathy for my family.

Love and hugs to all of you.
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Old 08-13-2008, 02:16 PM   #538
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Wow Sammie I cannot get over how much strength is in your post. The joy you exude when talking about your family and especially Mark is so filling. Thank you for putting a smile on my face. I hope that that love and strength help you each mend. You've got so much to tackle. It's not fair. But as we know life isn't fair. Keep up the good fight. Be free to feel happy at a memory of your BIL, sad at his death, confused at his suicide, angry at EVERYTHING. ANd don't forget to spend the day in your pajamas every now and again.
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:47 AM   #539
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Wow Sammie I cannot get over how much strength is in your post. The joy you exude when talking about your family and especially Mark is so filling. Thank you for putting a smile on my face. I hope that that love and strength help you each mend. You've got so much to tackle. It's not fair. But as we know life isn't fair. Keep up the good fight. Be free to feel happy at a memory of your BIL, sad at his death, confused at his suicide, angry at EVERYTHING. ANd don't forget to spend the day in your pajamas every now and again.
I had to laugh at this. Tomorrow is my pajama day. I have to get through 6-7 hours of agony today for the funeral and dinner, but tomorrow I will be in silky PJ's all day. Thanks for the nice reply also.
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:56 AM   #540
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Be careful there Sammie you almost sound perky
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Old 08-14-2008, 08:27 AM   #541
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Aww, Mark is so sweet!!! (for sleeping in his chair with you)
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Old 08-14-2008, 01:16 PM   #542
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Sammie, hopefully they are the pj's I sent ya ;0) Chin up, it can only get better from here, right? You are strong!
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Old 08-14-2008, 01:42 PM   #543
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Sammie,

I don't know what to say. I can't begin to comprehend all you have had to bear.
You and your family are in my thoughts and I am sending warm hugs your way.

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Old 08-14-2008, 01:47 PM   #544
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Your wife as the delicate flower and you as her caregiver. My prays are with you! I am cancer free from breast cancer 4 years!!!
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Old 08-14-2008, 07:27 PM   #545
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Sammie, hopefully they are the pj's I sent ya ;0) Chin up, it can only get better from here, right? You are strong!
They are. They are so silky feeling and comfy. I love them.

Just got back from the visitation, funeral and dinner. Long afternoon and night. It will be so hard for my sister when everyone goes on with their lives and she is alone.

My chest hurt from the surgery but I tried to not think about it. I didn't take pain meds as I didn't want to maybe slur any words in error. So it hurts. Both sides are swollen so it will definately be a PJ day tomorrow.

I need to go to bed.

Thanks again Kelly for making me feel so nice in PJ's.
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Old 08-16-2008, 01:59 AM   #546
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It’s 4 AM and I can’t sleep. It’s not just the pain from the surgery but I am haunted by my BIL’s suicide. I keep thinking of my sister and her family. The last time I talked to my BIL, he was sounding fine. I guess that is the problem with things like this, we don’t always know as much as we think we do.

I have a sister who is bi-polar and it is easy to tell when she is in trouble. She still tries to commit suicide about once or twice a year and ends up in the hospital. I am not sure, but I know she wants a lot of attention. I hope she is just trying to get it and not really trying to kill herself. The horrible thing about doing this is that many times one wants the attention but really does kill themselves. So I called and talked to her tonight. I think I will give her more attention now.

My chest really hurts. I don’t think my body can take more surgery right now. The stitches are pulling on both sides and the swelling doesn't help. I can feel the lupus starting to pick up with the definitive kinds of chest pain that I have known for years. I have to be careful even though they give me a boost from steroids each time. My back hurts from that surgery last year. Man, I am just a big complainer. I apologize for that. Life sucks at times but I am here and fighting for it.

I hope I am making some sense at this time of day. My heart hurts so badly for my DS and I don’t know what to do. Here I was a mental health nurse and I am stuck. I will call her more often, send notes and cards and ask about going out for lunch etc., but I can’t take her pain away.
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Old 08-16-2008, 08:00 AM   #547
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Sammie you are so giving, kind, caring and strong that I'm sure just time spent with you will help your sister. Allow her to be there for you too. Your family has a lot of healing to do don't feel bad when you "whine" or feel down. You have every right.
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Old 08-16-2008, 08:59 AM   #548
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{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}
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Old 08-16-2008, 09:32 AM   #549
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I will leave the words to those who work with them better.

((((hugs))))
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Old 08-16-2008, 11:49 AM   #550
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Oh Samantha. Adding my hugs in.
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Old 08-16-2008, 11:57 AM   #551
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Sammie,
I wish there was something I could send you to take away the pain! Honestly! I would do it if I could! I hope you are having a great PJ day today!
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Old 08-17-2008, 01:16 AM   #552
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Sammie, you are SO not a complainer!
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Old 08-17-2008, 03:50 AM   #553
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You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Old 08-17-2008, 08:05 AM   #554
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I hope the roses are back in your cheeks (both sets) soon!

Hugs, Sammie. Tell Mark to eat right! (He told me what he was permitted.)

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Old 08-25-2008, 02:27 PM   #555
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Sammie you've been on my mind all day today. Hope all is well. Hugs to you and yours.
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Old 08-25-2008, 02:43 PM   #556
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Samantha, I've been reading your updates regularly.
I was so sorry to hear about your BIL's suicide. My brother committed suicide a little over 6 years ago. Someone gave me a book, My Son, My Son by Iris Bolton after he died.
The woman who wrote it was a mental health professional also and didn't see the signs in her son. It really helped.
I will pray for you and your family.
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Old 08-25-2008, 03:26 PM   #557
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Samantha, I've been reading your updates regularly.
I was so sorry to hear about your BIL's suicide. My brother committed suicide a little over 6 years ago. Someone gave me a book, My Son, My Son by Iris Bolton after he died.
The woman who wrote it was a mental health professional also and didn't see the signs in her son. It really helped.
I will pray for you and your family.
Thank you. I will look into getting the book. I will read it first and then decide if I should give it to my sister. She needs some help right now.
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When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe
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Old 08-26-2008, 10:03 AM   #558
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I am so very tired. Why would I suddenly be struck with such fatigue 2 weeks after surgery and right after? My mind keeps thinking of all sorts of bad things. I am getting enough sleep at night but it is only 1 PM and I am struggling to stay awake. I don't want to give in and sleep. Not sure if that is smart or not but I don't want to sleep my life away. I have never been a nap taker so this is all new to me.

Here's a good one for you. I had major surgery on both side of my chest 2 weeks ago and my oncologist wants to do a mammogram next month. Ouch. My surgeon said I would take 6-8 weeks to heal and to avoid "contact sports". Funny. But having a mammo seems like contact sports to me. So I begged off for one more month.

I was so shocked when I stated to think about when I was diagnosed. It will be a year on Sept. 21st. I obviously lost track of time as there has been one thing after another, but I was truly shocked that it is almost a year. That is good. I made it a year - almost. I think I want to go out with Mark on my anniversary of the 1st year.
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Sammie # 7651

When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe
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Old 08-26-2008, 10:11 AM   #559
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Sammie it's quite possible that everything is just catching up to you and you are getting a case of emotional exhaustion. I say for now if your body wants sleep give in. Don't feel like you are sleeping your life away feel like you are resting up for the rest of the adventure.
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Old 08-26-2008, 10:14 AM   #560
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You have had so much going on, right after each other, I think your body is just finally taking a "breath".

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Originally Posted by sewsplendidstamper View Post
Sammie it's quite possible that everything is just catching up to you and you are getting a case of emotional exhaustion. I say for now if your body wants sleep give in. Don't feel like you are sleeping your life away feel like you are resting up for the rest of the adventure.
That is a great way to think about it! I am a napper and I tell ya, it is useless to fight it

(((hugs)))
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