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Old 04-15-2005, 06:44 AM   #1
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Prayers and advice to give my friend!

Okay guys I have a friend,who wouldn't visit this site but I won't mention her name just in case, She is married to a man in the Air Force, as am I, who goes TDY (temporary duty assignment) alot. Usually taking classes and what not. Well she emailed me today and told me of all these incidents of him meeting up with other women.
The first incident was He had a class in Vegas and when he left for vegas he left his email open with conversation with this girl (ex-girlfriend) about how he didn't know if he could control himself with her. He was gone for 2 weeks, and my friend didn't hear from him and he lied and told her if she called him in the hotel, it hotel would charge him, and for some reason she let him get away with it. He also told her that the email was a joke.
The next was an incident in Barksdale, LA that he went to a club, hanging out with a girl all night, and never went back to his room. The next day she called and he wasn't there, and claimed he passed out in a friends room, but wouldn't tell her who the friend was.
The third incident was in FL where he meet up with a girl and she drove him everywhere took him out for 2 weeks, when he went home she called him and my friend answered the phone and this girl was surprised to find out that my friend was his wife, when my friend asked if they had been intimate this girl said you need to ask your husband and let him know I need to talk to him. When she asked her husband he denied it all.
Now he is in Japan and been there for 4 months (comes back in May). He called her at 4 in the morning talking about this woman he met that makes him feel good and she's pretty and she reminds him of her. She has been avoiding his phone calls.
She has had numersous surgeries to try and have a baby, and was not at any of her surgeries, and she feels no support from him.
I feel so sorry for my friend, because every man she chooses to be with is very mean to her and cheats on her, I don't know why she cooses these men. Then when she has the proof in front of her she still stays with them. I don't want to be mean about it, but whats it gonna take?
She has only been married to this guy for 2 years, and after they got married he told her he couldn't be with one woman for to long, because he gets bored. She says when they have sex she feels like a hooker. I don't understand her. I really don't. I want to give her good advice, but she doesn't take it. I had brought her to the Lord 3 years ago, and she wants to go to church, and husband won't, but for some reason won't go by her self. I told her her salvation is hers, not hers and her husbands. Sorry this is so long but please someone give me advice how to talk with out being mean but being honest. I have been friends with her for 13 years now, I would hate to ruin it now.
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Old 04-15-2005, 07:30 AM   #2
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Honey alls I can say is just be there for her when she falls apart.
Unfortunately you can't save her from herself. She may have some co-dependant issues to recognize and deal with, from always choosing ment hat are bad for her and to her.
It does sound like he is cheating on her at every chance he gets.
It is tough to watch I am sure but I honestly don't think there is anything that you can do or say to help her see the light. Pray that she will see it on her own and be there for her when she does.
I wish you much Love and Luck
Dorinda
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Old 04-15-2005, 07:50 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mindy
clipped) Sorry this is so long but please someone give me advice how to talk with out being mean but being honest. I have been friends with her for 13 years now, I would hate to ruin it now.
You say he is not due back til May so now is a good time to invite her to church to get out of the house just like you would be shopping together and going to the movies and other friend things to pass the time until he gets home and they can talk in person. She obviously is not willing to handle this situation herself AT THIS TIME so your advice is probably not going to be of much use either. All you can really do is let her know you are her friend when she is ready to talk. I would express my concern for her physical health if he is being intimate with other partners that she has a responsibility to protect herself against disease as well as pregnancy. I don't know if you can get her to get an HIV test or agree to use condoms (perhaps in her role as "the hooker" ) but she is going to have enough to worry about without risking her physical health along with her emotional well being. Medical personnel might be able to better help her see the precarious state of her marriage or instability of a relationship putting her at risk of HIV and other STDs.

Good luck. She is lucky to have a friend like you!

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Old 04-15-2005, 08:03 AM   #4
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OH MY goodness that sounds just like my sisters story.... I thought you were talking about her marrage for a few minutes!

It is horrid - but she should get out while the gettin is good - my sister stayed with her husband for 9 years and besides her children she regrets most all of it! She knew from the start when she was pregnant with her first child that it was not going to work out with him but she did not have the courage to get out. She was 17 when the first child was born (16 when they married). And he was the worst ever - he would go out and party all the time and come home expect a lot out of my sister who was big and pregnant - then the next morning tell her she was ugly and fat! We do not have proof but I would not doubt that he was cheating on her then ~ they seperated for a while after the 2nd child and then she became pregnant with number 3 when she let him come home again...THEN she found positive proof that he had been cheating on her - Yes the woman was in VEGAS! He did not change but said he would - before it was all over my sister was an emotional wreck...she did not have a college education and he would not allow her to work so she did not have means to support herself and the kids so he ended up getting the kids and she moved back home - the kids are now with her and she is fighting for them and he is still trying to control her! They have been divorced for 2+ years and she is very happy with her new husband and all is well - she has been taking the kids to counseling and she gets some help as well through that but it is a HUGE mess.

I would have to say be there for her no matter what her choices are.
Are you in the same area she is? Could you pick her up for church - she really needs that in her life if her husband is so bad......

From experiance there is NOTHING you can say or do to make her mind up to change the situation you just have to support her and show her what good life is all about....I hate this is happening to her and I will keep her in my prayers.
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Old 04-15-2005, 08:26 AM   #5
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Best advice you can give her?? Tell her to be the good lil wife and seem as nothing has happened, while MAKING SURE EVERYTHING IS IN HER NAME...then bag the sob.
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Old 04-15-2005, 09:39 AM   #6
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Thanks so much you guys for the advice. She lives in another state, or I would be taking her to church with me every Sunday. I wish I could.
We are both military brats, married to military men.
I will be here for when she needs me. I wish I could just say to her ARE YOU STUPID? But that is just mean, I know.
The bad part is I am pretty sure things are in her name like car loans for him to fix up cars to race and bills that she didn't want to have. She is also trying to finish a degree for child phsycology. I really feel for her. But this makes you look at your relationships and thank God for the man you married even with all of the little annoying things he does. I am glad that I married the nice guy, instead of the punks I used to date.
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