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  • 2 Post By Magstress
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Old 10-13-2013, 07:06 PM   #1
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Default I'm about to scream!!

About one year ago, my husband let my kids (at the time 12, 10, 8, 4) watch The Avengers Rated PG13 INSISTING there was "nothing bad". "Its fine!!"

We had a LONG strong discussion, and I told him VERY clearly that I do NOT want the kids to watch PG 13 movies. He got mad "fine, from now on, YOU will have to pick all the movies they watch".

weeeeelll........ I was gone over the weekend with some friends, and he let them watch Addams Family Values PG13 and I think I want to CRY!! AGAIN, insisting "there's NOTHING wrong with it!!"

What bothers me the most is that he doesn't see ANYTHING wrong with letting a FIVE YEAR OLD watch this FILTH!!!!

PLEASE, someone tell me my kids aren't going to be scarred for life!! HOW do I make it clear to him that this is NOT acceptable? Am I wrong here?? Please, I can take it!! TELL ME IF I"M BEING TOO CRAZY!!
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Old 10-13-2013, 07:32 PM   #2
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Definitely not appropriate for the 5 and 9 year old least. depends on how mature the older kids are. BUT you if clearly said NO then your hubby could support your strong feelings that none of the kids should watch anything with that rating. No, you are not crazy because these days kids don't get to be innocent and free from "reality" for very long. They do not need to see evil so early in life.
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Old 10-13-2013, 07:58 PM   #3
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Well...thank you....just don't know how to deal with this since he promised last year he wouldn't do it again!! It obviously a marriage problem and, surprise surprise, its one of MANY issues we have in our marriage.

I can't take back what the kids saw!!

Could use some patience and a WHOLE lotta prayers..............exhausted..... :'(
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Old 10-14-2013, 10:01 AM   #4
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Not appropriate but I don't think they will suffer from a lasting psychological impact or be scarred for life. Seems to me, the issue has more to do with you and your husband having different standards/opinions on parenting and I'd probably focus more of my energy there. Your kids will turn out okay as they have a mother that cares a lot
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Old 10-14-2013, 10:16 AM   #5
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OH thank you, Magstress. I appreciate your words of wisdom!!

Part of me came here looking to keep it all in perspective and not totally freak out over this!! And if there is anyone who has dealt with this, any ideas of clever ways to keep it from happening again.

thanks again....
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Old 10-14-2013, 11:14 AM   #6
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Well, I'm not sure there is a clever way from keeping this from happening again - it really depends on the root cause. Maybe your husband just wasn't thinking and it was an easy choice as you were away from home. It might be a power struggle or it just might be that he doesn't think it is a big deal whereas you do. To me, you should figure out what the deal is with hubby first. I would bet given your high standards, he isn't doing it on purpose - he probably wouldn't have chosen a wife like you if he didn't have somewhat similar standards right?

Don't totally freak out. Kids are exposed to stuff everyday beyond our control. While I wouldn't like it either, and it would make me sad and mad that my kids were exposed to something inappropriate - being in school, on a sports team, just living life in general will also do the same thing. I've yet to hear of a child scarred for life watching a PG-13 movie. Hang in there Squirrelly - this too shall pass
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Old 10-14-2013, 11:40 AM   #7
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Curious.....do you have grown kids??

YES, you're right....he truly didn't mean to "harm" them. But what confuses me is that we sacrifice ALOT to keep them all in Catholic School, of which HE went to all 12 grades and agrees to, and then he chooses these stupid dark ugly movies. He LIKES movies, he watches a lot of scarey goorrey movies that I do not like or watch. TV and movies are a huge waste of time in my opinion which is why I stamp and scrapbook instead!!
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Old 10-14-2013, 02:28 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squirrellyshirley View Post
Curious.....do you have grown kids??

YES, you're right....he truly didn't mean to "harm" them. But what confuses me is that we sacrifice ALOT to keep them all in Catholic School, of which HE went to all 12 grades and agrees to, and then he chooses these stupid dark ugly movies. He LIKES movies, he watches a lot of scarey goorrey movies that I do not like or watch. TV and movies are a huge waste of time in my opinion which is why I stamp and scrapbook instead!!
Kind of - I have a HS senior and one that is out of the house now I'm still not quite used to the later!

Perhaps because he watches so many moves especially scary ones he is slightly desensitized? I know that when my husband was with my kids and I wasn't home the standards were different. They did more chores but ate like garbage - which really, really bothered me. My husband knew the "rules" but was kind of lazy about that when I wasn't here. He also wasn't as strict about what time they had to be in from playing outside etc.. I think most families have at least one issue where the parents don't see eye-to-eye. Sometimes I was less strict about things than he was.

I hope you can find your compromise with the movies - especially with your really young ones. I admit, I'd be raging mad but.....I also know having already raised mine, that it will end up okay. Just don't tell your husband that as you don't want to diminish your argument
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Old 10-15-2013, 08:59 AM   #9
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Yes.....the double standard when Dad is in charge vs when Mom is here...??? Doesn't that confuse kids?? Don't they play on parent over the other??

Thank you.....I just wanted to hear that "they will be okay"!!! I often question whether or not we are doing everything we can to raise well-adjusted, productive, considerate people for the next generation!! Sometimes, I wish I had a crystal ball!! We had them with us at a predominately grown-up event 2 weeks ago, and I had multiple people there tell us how well behaved they were and that they got along with each other so nicely.....so I guess we are doing something right...??!! Sigh!!!
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Old 10-15-2013, 01:04 PM   #10
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Having raised 5 children who somehow turned out to be responsible, kind, caring adults, I agree with all the words of wisdom from Magstress.

I'm now dealing with current culture, movies, etc. when my grandkids come to visit. Their parents, for the most part, don't have terribly rigid rules about PG-13 movies, but seem to take it on a movie by movie basis. Some movies pass, and some fail.

Here is a good website to check out movies which tells you why the movie is rated PG 13. While it's not a movie that suits my taste, it doesn't seem to me to be something that would actually "harm" or scar kids. In fact, it gets some points for positive role models and their actions. Sometimes movies like this can be a good starting point for a discussion between parents and children:

The Avengers - Movie Review
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Old 10-15-2013, 02:58 PM   #11
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I have 2 kids (one 20 and one 11). We have always taken movies & shows on a case by case basis of when they could watch them with the only exception being no R movies before 17.

I think mine have and are turning out to be ok. So I don't think them watching a couple of movies you don't approve of is going to do them any harm. You need to let you husband have some say in these things especially since you have said you don't watch the movies he likes.
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Old 10-16-2013, 07:42 AM   #12
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Thank you!! .......heavy sigh......one day at a time....
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Old 10-19-2013, 01:22 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by squirrellyshirley View Post
Yes.....the double standard when Dad is in charge vs when Mom is here...??? Doesn't that confuse kids?? Don't they play on parent over the other??
Pushing and testing is normal. If you and your husband have good boundaries, they will soon stop testing them when it comes to "the big stuff". They will learn a very important lesson about the futility of expending energy for nothing and also about picking one's battles.

My parents relied less on the movie rating and more on their analysis of the movie itself. Since I was a kid before the internet, that meant they watched most movies before my brother and I were allowed to. As a result, there were actually a few R rated movies I watched at age 10 (with my parents - not alone) and a couple of PG-13 movies they didn't want me to be viewing even when I was 15. As an aside, I went to Catholic school from grades 1-10. Being exposed to the occasional dicey piece of popular culture helped reinforce my family's values and views about certain things, not to mention reinforcing the understanding that the world outside our home isn't necessarily a kind or decent place.
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