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Old 01-12-2013, 09:00 AM   #1
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Default How old to start dating?

I have a 14 year old DD in 9 th grade. She won't be 15 until beginning of 10th I definitely think she's too yang to date now, but what age should we give the ok?

The main reason I'm asking- there's a boy she's been very good friends with for the last 3 years. They do "like" each other, but they have been good friends and classmates. Complicating the matter, their group of friends from middle school went to various different schools, so there's no real group to hang out in. Her very close girlfriend moved out of state a few months ago. Dad won't let DD see this young ma, so it's like she's lost her 2 best friends. My heart really hurts for my DD. She is so sad and lonely.
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Old 01-12-2013, 09:33 AM   #2
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I think 14 is too young. As for the perfect age, that depends on so many things.
I would have this young man over to our house for dinner, walks with family, family game night... And maybe let him join your family to go out to dinner or movie once in awhile. That way you all get to know him and he'll get to know what you as parents expect from him.
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Old 01-12-2013, 12:17 PM   #3
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I agree 14 is too young for formal dating, but a school dance or other school function would be OK. I also like the idea of including the friend in family happenings.
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:44 AM   #4
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Around my neighborhood 16 is the age for dating. But age 14 was the time we could participate in school dances. I thinking finding group activities so she can see her friend is a great idea. From your description, I don't think there's much of a love interest, but a girl really missing her friend.
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Old 01-13-2013, 11:37 AM   #5
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Old 01-13-2013, 12:59 PM   #6
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Back in the day......

Our rule was no one-on-one dates until 16. We could go out in groups to dances, movies or to another student's house, supervised by a parent in 7th grade (13 I guess). At 14 I met the "really awesome guy" at a 4-H camp. My parents allowed him to come over to our house for pizza and a movie in the livingroom with the whole family. I can't wait to torture my own DDs in exactly the same way!
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Old 01-17-2013, 04:11 PM   #7
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You said it, Rainsong!!!
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Old 01-17-2013, 04:13 PM   #8
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I think 10th grade is ok. Yes, it really is an issue of my dd missing her friend. He is allowed to come over, but is very intimidated by my husband. I've told dd that the yang man in question would score some points by coming over to visit.
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Old 01-18-2013, 06:42 PM   #9
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14 years old is too young to take responsibility and easy to be hurted in a relationship,and the most important thing for study, and the true love is worth a long time wait. Good Luck.
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Old 01-21-2013, 08:41 PM   #10
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Our rule was 16 with an early curfew!
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Old 01-23-2013, 09:04 PM   #11
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My 15 year old boy has a 14 year old girlfriend (they are both in 9th grade.) We allowed them to go to Homecoming dance with a group of friends (that was both of their first dates.) Now, they can visit each other at each other's houses under the presence of a parent at all times, but they can't date. They see each other to watch movies or Dr. Who episodes (in my kids' case.)

My son can't date until he can drive and it will be at least 16 before that happens because of our strict driving laws in Washington state.
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Old 01-24-2013, 12:04 PM   #12
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My kids (ages15 & 1 tell me I suck the fun out of being bad because I let them do almost anything. LOL. I didn't set a dating age for my kids (my way of reserving my right to say "no") They ask permission for each event and that's worked out very well. I also don't usually say "no" if I don't have a reason to. I save my "no"s for the big stuff.

I let my son go to the movies at age 13 with a girl and some friends but didn't allow my daughter to go to an after grad party in a hotel room at age 17. Some of her friends who were allowed to date at age 16 were angry with their parents because they already assumed they had permission then it was taken away. I discussed my concerns with DD and she was OK that I didn't let her go; even a little relieved. I like that they still ask permission for everything. It gives me the opportunity to put in my 2 cents and talk them out of stupid things.
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Old 03-01-2013, 08:48 AM   #13
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I could date at 16 and had a 12:00 curfew. I respected that for the most part. I came home very late once (long before cell phones) and my mom met me at the door with a horrid look on her face. I never came home late again after that. Even after I went to college, I still let my mom know when I'd be home (and if I would be later than 12). I would talk to your daughter and even have the boy come over one time when hubby isn't home. Talk to him and let him know your hubby is just looking out and protecting his daughter. I have that same kind of dad. I'm an only child so it's hard for dad (even now that I'm 45 years old).
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Old 03-01-2013, 05:46 PM   #14
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Our rule was 16 but we made some notable exceptions. We allowed all three children to go out for dinner and attend the Homecoming dance when they were sophomores and not quite 16. For our sons, we drove them around. Our daughter went with an "older man" (16) who had a car but we would not allow her to go in his car. His mother called me to discuss it and said she was fine with driving them and she actually was glad since he had only had the car for a month and she was nervous about it. She and I actually became friends later. We still are friends and we have talked about that phone call. We laugh at how awkward we were then and now we talk about EVERYTHING!
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Old 03-15-2013, 01:18 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by duranfan View Post
I have a 14 year old DD in 9 th grade. She won't be 15 until beginning of 10th I definitely think she's too yang to date now, but what age should we give the ok?

The main reason I'm asking- there's a boy she's been very good friends with for the last 3 years. They do "like" each other, but they have been good friends and classmates. Complicating the matter, their group of friends from middle school went to various different schools, so there's no real group to hang out in. Her very close girlfriend moved out of state a few months ago. Dad won't let DD see this young ma, so it's like she's lost her 2 best friends. My heart really hurts for my DD. She is so sad and lonely.
why are you in my head???
very similar situation in my house....

and we're not sure what to do yet either....

she's "liked" 2 different boys - but nothing has come from them outside of sitting together at lunch....

she's been at a magnet intermediate school and will be going back to her home high school this fall - all her friends will be going to different ones...

good times good times...

hope it all works out for you!
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Old 03-15-2013, 01:19 PM   #16
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lol. that's what we keep telling the girls...
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Old 04-18-2013, 04:42 PM   #17
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Really, if this was just some guy she liked, it wouldn't even be an issue. But he's been a really close friend for a long time, and her only really close friend at the moment. I would be ok with them going to the park (he lives in the neighborhood) to walk or play soccer, but my dh won't let him. He did cme by the other day, but with my son (they're friends through Boy Scouts). I dropped the boys at another friend's house, but told him to come see us, that he was welcome. He's intimidated by dh, and he and my daughter are going to have to step out of their comfort zones for the time being if they want to see each other.

We did agree they could date beginning next school year ( they will be sophomores, but she is young for her grade). It will definitely be an early evening- my son had his first date last weekend, but the driving laws here don't allow him to be out past 11!
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Old 05-28-2013, 11:48 AM   #18
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Oh gracious! I think I am more thankful than ever to have a child in first grade!
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Old 08-25-2013, 12:59 PM   #19
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I have to say that I think the emotional maturity of each is far more relevant than physical age, We all know someone who is 18, going on 10! I also dislike the idea of a general ban- I agree with jactop- take the fun out of rebellion early! It also means there can be good discussion about each issue, rather than a flat 'no'. Treat kids as young adults, and most of them will behave in a way that deserves it. If we expect them to respect us, we have to show them some respect too. I always gave my kids a good reason for any refusal- I don't think 'because I said so' is conducive to a good rapport with your kids, lol.You say the boy is intimidated by your Hubby? Is he deliberately intimidating him, or is that just how the boy reacts? If it just how the boy is, you know he is not going to be disrespectful of your daughter-those two types of behaviour don't go together. If Hubby is actively trying to keep the boy at a distance, I'd try getting him to think about whether thats such a good idea. We all know how much you can end up wanting something you can't have. Better for your daughter to see him in a family setting, without feeling like he's being 'got at'- her sympathies for him might make her overlook faults she'd otherwise dislike.
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Old 10-19-2013, 12:44 PM   #20
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He is allowed to come over, but is very intimidated by my husband. I've told dd that the yang man in question would score some points by coming over to visit.
My stepdaughters haven't even wanted to date yet, but the eldest does have a couple of "guy friends" that my husband suspects have crushes on her. (and I am sure he's right) DH is a bicycle mechanic and he always invites the boys over with their bikes to learn how to repair them or if there is a big problem with it that they can't fix themselves. It help breaks the ice and the boys learn in a nonthreatening manner that my husband has some pretty deadly tools - and knows how to use them.
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