HELP: Friends but not really.

[ShellyvTX]

I posted a while back about a problem with my former bff. Anyway, long story short is we've been (had been?) friends over 10 years, I went through a bad depression that she had to step away from me during, our kids (she has 2 daughters also) have known each other all their lives & many of their activities are intertwined and we live 4 houses away from each other. Same holds for her new bff: 4 houses down the other way and her 2 girls are intertwined with my 2.

So, I talked to my former bff about our friendship and I have tried & tried to be a more proactive friend, socialize with them all so my girls' activities and friendships aren't affected. Too many more things have gone bad (she caused) and I've decided I'm done. My girls had to be told so they would know why I wasn't coming certain places but that I did want them to continue to play with & enjoy their friendships.

Guess this story isn't so short after all. What I'm needing opinions on is this: Is it ok for me to simply refuse to invite the two of them to anything I'm doing? I've truly reached my last straw. I don't mind if their girls come over to play or what and I will be civil when the activities overlap but I'm done. I don't even feel I need to be discreet or nice about it anymore since they apparently don't have any problem ignoring me.

Well, if you stuck with me this long, PLEASE tell me what you think.

[EHeeger]

Quite honestly, I wouldn't. It'll feel weird the first few times but then you won't worry about hurting their feeling they way they've hurt yours. YOU have a right to be happy! If they aren't part of that then it is time to move on to someone willing to share your joy.

[ShellyvTX]

So you don't think I have to invite them anywhere any longer?

[calgramma]

Not if it doesn't feel right to you. The hurt will eventually go away and you'll make new friends and all will be right in your world again. I know, as it's happened to me, too.

[NwP]

I agree, you don't have to if you don't want to. Whatever they have done, it has hurt you enough to (I'm sure) think about this for a long time. You obviously aren't making this decision lightly.

Listen to your gut and just let them go.

[EHeeger]

Nope, I sure don't! Life is too precious to be spent with people who make you miserable. Choose to surround yourself with people who make you happy instead.

[ShellyvTX]

Ladies, I really want to thank you for taking the time to give your opinions. I've been dealing with this for at least 2 years and it's so time to be done but I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable by giving up. It will be devastating to my children when the war begins (I didn't invite my former bff & her new bff to an upcoming scrapbook retreat & I know they'll retaliate badly) but I do hope they understand & realize friends don't treat friends like this.

Anyway, as I'm prone to rambling, just know I REALLY appreciate your help.

Thank you!

[EHeeger]

Maybe they will realize how you've been feeling for the last two years! Your kids will recover. Besides, you are teaching them a valuable lesson....friends don't treat you the way these ladies have been treating you.

Enjoy your new found freedom!

[SophieLaFontaine]

I agree with everyone. Don't invite them if you don't want to. What can they possibly do to retaliate?? Not invite YOU somewhere?? They are already ignoring you after all.

[AuntKimi]

Real friends don't ignore each other = so it sounds like you're not really letting go of anything beneficial in your life. Nature has seasons, and so do we. It's time for your new season to begin.....enjoy!