In the Forums

Register

Today's Posts

Search


Get the Weekly
Inkling
newsletter





Previous Issues

Get Social

Splitcoaststampers on InstagramLike Splitcoaststampers on FacebookFollow Splitcoaststampers on TwitterPit Splitcoaststampers on Pinterest

Sponsored Ads


 
Splitcoaststampers.com - the world's #1 papercrafting community
You're currently viewing Splitcoaststampers as a GUEST. We pride ourselves on being great hosts, but guests have limited access to some of our incredible artwork, our lively forums and other super cool features of the site! You can join our incredible papercrafting community at NO COST. So what are you waiting for?

Join the party at Splitcoaststampers today!

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 10-07-2009, 05:20 PM   #1
Gabfest Goddess
 
peebsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Maryland Mountains
Posts: 7,839
Default Funeral Attendance - By Invitation Only?

A business associate of the company I work for died over the weekend. I had met with him and his wife on a few occasions for business in the short time I have worked there. They were very nice people. I read in his obituary that the funeral would be this coming Saturday. I was contemplating if I should go. When I spoke to his wife on the phone today (she called to settle up some business matters) I offered my condolences and we spoke about her husband for a few minutes before getting down to business. She didn't say anything to me like "Will you be attending the funeral?" or "I hope to see you on Saturday". I know my boss will be attending since he was good friends with the man for almost 20 years. But my boss also didn't mention the funeral to me or ask if I was going.

This may sound odd, but I have never been to a funeral that wasn't for a family member so I don't know if it's appropriate to just show up or if I should wait to be invited. I actually don't have a strong desire to go. I just thought it would be appropriate since he was a business associate.

So what do you think? Are funerals generally by invitation only or open to anyone who wishes to pay their respects?
__________________
Susan
peebsmama is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2009, 05:29 PM   #2
Hardware Hotshot
 
nsruss's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Saint John, NB
Posts: 4,765
Default

Unless it says "private family service" then I assume it is open to anyone wishing to pay their respects. I have never received an invitation to a funeral. I think it's a given that no one actually wants to go, and the last thing the family would want to do at a time like that is compile a list of people to invite. I think if you feel you should go then go. If you really don't want to though I think a sympathy card to the family would be appropriate.
nsruss is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2009, 09:08 PM   #3
Mad Swapper
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 1,514
Default

Usually there is a 'visitation' for one or two nights before the funeral, where people come to pay their respects. Many come to the visitation without attending the funeral, especially those who were just acquaintences. The deceased has members of the family in attendance at the visitations, and the proper etiquette would be to have a few words with the wife and/or some of the children, and then leave. I wouldn't think you would need to attend the funeral, but attending the visitation is a nice thing to do. There is usually a 'guest book' to sign, showing that you came.
Cathy'sFancy is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2009, 08:29 AM   #4
Hardware Hotshot
 
Samantha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WI
Posts: 4,125
Default

I agree that attending the visitation whether it is the night before or right before the service would be the proper thing to do. You would just say a few words to the family. Then, at least where I am from, you can choose to attend the funeral or not. I volunteer to work at funeral lunches after funerals and a lot of people do leave after the visitation but friends and family go to the funeral.

I wouldn't have expected the wife to mention the funeral in terms of hoping to see you. I don't think she would have even thought about doing that. But go if you feel you would like to pay respects to the family.

Unless it states in the obituary that it is a private affair, then it is open to family and the friends and acquaintances. Definitely sign the guest book as the wife will read it at later date and find comfort in those who came.
__________________
Sammie # 7651

When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe
Samantha is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2009, 10:30 AM   #5
Stazon Splitcoast
 
RiverIsis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Walking the Moon, aMUSEd in funKY town
Posts: 22,175
Default

My rule of thumb is that if you think "should I go" you probably should go to visitation. If you think "I need to go" then you should attend the funeral.

I went to visitation of my dad's former business partner's mother this week.
I may go to visitation for one of my school friend's father this evening - I'm a bit torn on that one.

I need to go to funerals of my relatives and family friends.

Its an American way for more than the immediate family and friends to even consider going to a funeral.

On the other side - when my father died, it gave me great comfort how many people came because they thought so much of him, my mother, me (either all three or individually) and our extended family (my cousin's in-laws came because she was so upset to give her support during her grief).
__________________
Kristen KrikeyKreations thru Dec 1, 2014 *NEW UPDATES*
0 Design Teams, 0 Sales Pitches, some challenges, simple blogging about my paper addiction, inspirations, aspirations & when it all goes wrong
RiverIsis is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2009, 11:03 AM   #6
Glitter Guru
 
Kathleen Curry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: NJ
Posts: 5,844
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverIsis View Post
On the other side - when my father died, it gave me great comfort how many people came because they thought so much of him, my mother, me (either all three or individually) and our extended family (my cousin's in-laws came because she was so upset to give her support during her grief).
This is such a great point. I was touched by some of the people who came to my mother's visitation and funeral. Many I hadn't seen in a very long time. It meant so much to see and hear from people she had touched over the years.

As long as it doesn't say family only, I think you can't go wrong. If you feel like you want to go, I'm sure the family will appreciate your condolences.
__________________
My Gallery, My Blog
Kathleen Curry is online now  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2009, 03:58 PM   #7
Pearl-ExPert
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Antonio TX
Posts: 2,842
Default

since you were merely an acquaintance.. go to the wake. It is not necessary to attend the funeral.

the wake is about giving comfort to the living. when my mother was killed in an accident, every.single.member. of the entire county's volunteer fire dep't showed up for my brother. not a single one of them had EVER met my mother. the line went 3/4 of the way around the block. I had many of my co workers show up as well.

the funeral is about celebrating the life of the deceased.
Mrsjvb is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2009, 04:25 PM   #8
Vintage Vixen
 
missiowa81's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: GPS Headquarters
Posts: 39,553
Default

In a situation like this I would probably go to the visitation and send a sympathy card, especially since you have spoken with his widow on the phone.
Often the funeral is more personal and emotion-ridden than the visitation and as just a business acquaintance, you may feel uncomfortable there.
__________________
Grand Goddess of GPS of America - BCBW Chapter
missiowa81 is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2009, 06:33 PM   #9
Gabfest Goddess
 
peebsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Maryland Mountains
Posts: 7,839
Default

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I think this not only helped me know what is appropriate but will help others in the same situation.
__________________
Susan
peebsmama is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2009, 07:37 PM   #10
Stazon Splitcoast
 
row4d's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 14,640
Default

When a young coworker died suddenly and unexpectedly last year, I think if the funeral wasn't being held on the other side of the country then most of the firm would have attended. As it was, the majority of us were at the wake and her two immediate supervisors did attend the funeral. It was a pretty tight-knit office, though, even with over 80 employees, and she was especially well-liked.

It all depends on how close you felt to the deceased. Like others have said, if you want to go, and have not been told that the service is for relatives only, then feel free to do so and know that it often means a great deal to the family.
__________________
Rachel
Proud SU! demo and Sci-Fi Geek!


My Stampin' Up! blog
"I'm a time traveler -- I point and laugh at archaeologists." 10th Doctor, "Silence in the Library"
row4d is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2009, 10:01 PM   #11
Watercolor Wizard
 
hollylogic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 8,820
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by row4d View Post
Like others have said, if you want to go, and have not been told that the service is for relatives only, then feel free to do so and know that it often means a great deal to the family.
I agree with Rachel.

It meant so much to me that people came when my dad died. If the service is not announced in the obituary as a private/family only service, I can't imagine that the family would be anything but touched and grateful that you came to support them.
__________________
Holly
InkPaperStamps: When you're hot. . . .
hollylogic is offline  
Tweet this Post! Share on Facebook Reddit!! Pin on Pinterest! Share on Google+!
Reply With Quote
Reply





Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off