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Old 04-26-2005, 09:04 AM   #1
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Talking Favorite Snarky Sayings, Quotes, Words of Wisdom

What are some of your favorite snarky sayings, quotes or words of wisdom?

I love these two:

"Nice perfume. Must you marinade in it?"
and
"Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear to be smart until you actually hear them speak."
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:05 AM   #2
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"No, those pants don't make your butt look big. Your butt makes your butt look big"

"If you can't say anything nice, at least sit by me so I can listen in!"
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:07 AM   #3
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Thumbs up Too funny!

I LOVE this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamakimberly
"If you can't say anything nice, at least sit by me so I can listen in!"
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:09 AM   #4
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You have such a wit! Too bad we've only seen half of it.
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I'm always up to Something...
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:10 AM   #5
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Somewhere a village is missing their idiot
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:15 AM   #6
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"A lack of planning on your part does not necessarily constitute my emergency!"

I use this one at work, a lot
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:19 AM   #7
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In response to "See ya later"---"Just my luck!"
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:22 AM   #8
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Two of my favorites I've seen on bumper stickers.....

1- My horn is broke, so watch for the finger

2- Unless you're a hemmoroid, get off my ***
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:30 AM   #9
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Cool

Funny topic!
Mine are:
My sig line.
Also, "You are a hemroid on the a** of life"

My fav's of my husband's Army slang:
"he was all ate up" - (gear or technique not right)
"he geeked up his neck" - (hurt something and had to take a medical)
"these are my birth control glasses" - (Army issue field glasses)
"I got a case of the a**" - (I think this one means something made him angry)
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:32 AM   #10
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To someone cranky...."who pi$$ed in your cornflakes this morning?"

my head isn't in this....I know I have so many....lol, most can't be posted without being bleeped a whole bunch though
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:43 AM   #11
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Default old irish saying

May those who love us, love us.

And for those who don't love us,

May God turn their hearts.

And if he can not turn their hearts,

May he turn their ankles,

So we may know them by their limping.
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:47 AM   #12
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I can only be nice to one person a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either!
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"I'm a time traveler -- I point and laugh at archaeologists." 10th Doctor, "Silence in the Library"
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:50 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3girl'smom
May those who love us, love us.

And for those who don't love us,

May God turn their hearts.

And if he can not turn their hearts,

May he turn their ankles,

So we may know them by their limping.
I am loving this one...too funny
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Old 04-26-2005, 09:52 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabrinasmom
I am loving this one...too funny
Beware of those who walk with limps!!
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:01 AM   #15
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Smile Favorite Sayings......

All of these were actually taken from some of my rubber stamps (I collect humorous ones):

"The only time my husband is right is when he admits he's wrong.

I need to lose about 175lbs. but he doesn't want a divorce.

The only reason I would exercise at this point in my life is the chance to hear heavy breathing again.

I have flabby thighs but fortunately, my stomach covers them.

I used to be snow white but I drifted.

Of course I exercise! Well, I run if someone is chasing me....

At my age, I find that going bra-less helps pull the wrinkles out of my face.

GRANDCHILDREN...The reward you get for not killing your kids.

If it has tires or testicles, it's going to give you trouble.

Men are like parking spaces. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

FRIEND
You hurt, I hurt,
You cry, I cry,
You smile, I smile,
You laugh, I laugh.
You jump off a bridge
I'll miss your dumb ***.

I've read so much about the evils of drinking & smoking that I've given up reading.

Hope this brought a smile!
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:19 AM   #16
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These are great - love the stamp sayings!

My signature line is one of my favorites...

Since I'm not feeling particularly witty right now...check out this Website...
http://www.emmitsburg.net/humor/inde...rous_index.htm
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<--Wishing I was cruising (Caribbean Princess, May 2010)
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:37 AM   #17
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How about----

Your town called, their idiot is missing

Your trailer park called, their trash is missing

and my all time favorite---

Does your face hurt? Because it's killing me...

I know--- I am so going to burn in h---, but at least I will know everyone there....
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:39 AM   #18
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this one is for you Keri:

"Shut your pie hole"
(and no, I am not saying it TO Keri, LOL)
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:43 AM   #19
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Grow your own dope, plant a man!
Starve a cold, feed a neuroses
Weather is here, wish you were beautiful
I was on a roll, till I slipped in the butter
Yer a genius...with a J
If ingnorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
My mother told me I could be anything I want when I grow up, so I became an
@$$h--e

I 'collect' these WOW's, stamps, bumper stickers or t-shirts. I got a shirt one time for a friend who is a huge Johnny Cash and beer fan. Said: Once I killed a 6-pack, just to watch it die...still snickering over that one.
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:47 AM   #20
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My favorite is...
"Put on your big girl panties and deal with it"
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Old 04-26-2005, 10:51 AM   #21
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My dad use to say this to me when I was in HS. You know how nasty girlfriend fights can get.

Take the high road, it's less traveled...

Laurie
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:00 AM   #22
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Rules of the House:

Rule #1: I am always right.

Rule #2: If I am ever wrong, refer to Rule #1.
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:00 AM   #23
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I like my sig line
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~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find someone whose life gives them vodka and have a party!
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:15 AM   #24
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Occasionally in our house you will hear the remark (never said TO anyone, only ABOUT them): If brains were dynamite, you couldn't even blow your nose...
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It's the dad's job to protect the world from the mom.

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Old 04-26-2005, 11:16 AM   #25
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When in doubt, blame a man.
 
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:19 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stampintlw
"A lack of planning on your part does not necessarily constitute my emergency!"

I use this one at work, a lot
Ha Ha! I love this one! see my signature
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:46 AM   #27
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Words of wisdom:

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:48 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chef2die4
Occasionally in our house you will hear the remark (never said TO anyone, only ABOUT them): If brains were dynamite, you couldn't even blow your nose...
my dad used to say (mostly to my brother...) if a blue jay had your brain he'd fly backwards! Of course, that was right after my brother shot the tv with a bb gun. He was trying to save Tarzan.
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I'm always up to Something...
My Daughter is up to stuff too!
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:50 AM   #29
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Default Ha! *LOVE* this thread!

My girlfriend Lori introduced me to this one.... "I may be fat, but you're ugly. And I can always lose weight."

Then there's: "Looks like someone forgot to pay their brain bill."

And my personal fave: "If you pretend to be interesting, I'll pretend to care."

Oh, I am *soooooooo* nasty when I need to be............... ~ K
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:52 AM   #30
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I once saw this on a Tshirt I was tempted to buy it but knew I would never wear it.

"I hate Barbie, that bi... has everything."
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Old 04-26-2005, 11:55 AM   #31
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My favorite that I use with my kids when they are whining about something they perceive as unfair:

Sucks to be you!!
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Old 04-26-2005, 12:08 PM   #32
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Someone (I think Karixma) had this as a signature for a while:

"We have enough youth, how 'bout a fountain of smart?"

I always got a kick out of that!
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Old 04-26-2005, 12:17 PM   #33
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Of all the things I've lost, it's my mind I miss the most.

Did you cry when all the dinosaurs died? (great for over the hill cards)

He's not the -sharpest knife in the drawer
-brightest crayon in the box


Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

forgot one of my favorites:

Martha Stewart doesn't live here. It's a good thing.
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Be joyful because you have hope. Be patient when trouble comes, and pray at all times. Romans 12:12 (NCV)

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Old 04-26-2005, 12:24 PM   #34
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Can I get you some cheese to go with your WHINE.

I use this on my 5 yr DS, he doesn't get it, but it makes me laugh.

Laurie
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Old 04-26-2005, 12:28 PM   #35
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Cool My favorite-

If you paid attention, you'd be broke!

Jewels
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Old 04-26-2005, 12:40 PM   #36
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Enjoying this thread!

The wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead!

You're about as helpful as a wet match in a damp cave!
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Old 04-26-2005, 12:58 PM   #37
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Almost forgot my favorite...


When someone exhibits a lack of usefulness (i.e., Janu on Survivor...)

That person is "A big waste of skin"
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I'm always up to Something...
My Daughter is up to stuff too!
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Old 04-26-2005, 01:04 PM   #38
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Back off Barbie Doll
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Old 04-26-2005, 01:12 PM   #39
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One of my favorites that I've recently seen on the back of a car is:
"You support the magnet company."

Oh, Love it!
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Old 04-26-2005, 01:29 PM   #40
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One of my mother’s favorite saying to us children (if the handcuff thing stirs you up, don’t read this!)

Do it before I knock you into the middle of next week.

Took me years to figure out she planned to put us in a coma!



My nephew’s favorite about a now ex brother in law who seldom told the truth.

How can you tell B-I-L is lying? He opens his mouth!

One of my Dad’s favorites.

If he had a brain he’d be dangerous.
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