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Old 05-02-2005, 08:32 AM   #1
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Default Cutting LONG hair SHE DID IT!

Help ME be Strong. Sorry for the long post!
My DD turns 11 on Friday. Her hair is very long. She has always had LOTS of hair. At 3 it was already down past her shoulder blades.

Yesterday, she asked me what I thought about her cutting her hair?? I tried not to let shock cross my face. I was secretly gasping inside! Her hair is well below her waste. It is very thick. I think there are several reasons she is considering cutting her hair. 1. We just put in a Swimming Pool 2. I guess she is growing up! Next year she will be in 6th grade and that is middle school here. She wants to cut it up close to just about the bottom of her shoulder blades. I got out the ruler and that is about 10-11 inches of hair that would come off. WOW!

I know my DD, and if she mentioned it to me, it means she has been thinking about it for sometime before she voiced it. A BIG part of me doesn't want her to do it! I teared up last night sharing it with one of my friends. But, at the same time, I used to have long, thick hair as a child and it can be hard to manage, and so heavy. I know I hated that I went from long hair to a page boy cut. Just dated myself. But in the long run, it was much better.

OF course this is a HUGE deal for us, she has always had LONG hair. Last night I got on the internet and looked up Locks of Love! If she cuts at least 10 inches she can donate it to Locks of Love. That would be such an awesome thing. We talked about and I told her that would be awesome and to think about it.

I guess, I am looking for some thoughts on the matter. I mean I know it is up to Sara Beth, and I know I have to encourage her. It will probably make tears stream down my face. I am just not sure how much to do here. I know I don't want to over encourage and she cuts it and wishes she hadn't, but I don't want to not say anything, so she thinks I am not supportive and doesn't cut it and wishes she had. I know too, I need to let her make the decision!


Thoughts on the matter.

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Old 05-02-2005, 08:45 AM   #2
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Old 05-02-2005, 08:47 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SellsBskts
Help ME be Strong. Sorry for the long post!
My DD turns 11 on Friday. Her hair is very long. She has always had LOTS of hair. At 3 it was already down past her shoulder blades.

Yesterday, she asked me what I thought about her cutting her hair?? I tried not to let shock cross my face. I was secretly gasping inside! Her hair is well below her waste. It is very thick. I think there are several reasons she is considering cutting her hair. 1. We just put in a Swimming Pool 2. I guess she is growing up! Next year she will be in 6th grade and that is middle school here. She wants to cut it up close to just about the bottom of her shoulder blades. I got out the ruler and that is about 10-11 inches of hair that would come off. WOW!

I know my DD, and if she mentioned it to me, it means she has been thinking about it for sometime before she voiced it. A BIG part of me doesn't want her to do it! I teared up last night sharing it with one of my friends. But, at the same time, I used to have long, thick hair as a child and it can be hard to manage, and so heavy. I know I hated that I went from long hair to a page boy cut. Just dated myself. But in the long run, it was much better.

OF course this is a HUGE deal for us, she has always had LONG hair. Last night I got on the internet and looked up Locks of Love! If she cuts at least 10 inches she can donate it to Locks of Love. That would be such an awesome thing. We talked about and I told her that would be awesome and to think about it.

I guess, I am looking for some thoughts on the matter. I mean I know it is up to Sara Beth, and I know I have to encourage her. It will probably make tears stream down my face. I am just not sure how much to do here. I know I don't want to over encourage and she cuts it and wishes she hadn't, but I don't want to not say anything, so she thinks I am not supportive and doesn't cut it and wishes she had. I know too, I need to let her make the decision!


Thoughts on the matter.
i know how you feel.. i will be devastated the day my daughter insists on cutting her hair..
but at the same time.. what an awesome opportunity for your daughter to experience the blessing of gifting another child with hair.

i used to do hair.. and we cut a lot of LOL clients.. who grew it out specifically for this.. and cut it all off about every 2-3 years.. and they truly felt blessed to do this..
it grows back.. if she decides she likes it better long.

good luck.. i know i will be sick the day i have to deal with it too.
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Old 05-02-2005, 08:48 AM   #4
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Sounds like her hair grows pretty fast. Locks of Love is a very worthy cause. And the way I look at it is (cause I just cut my hair short) is that it will grow back if she does not like it and in the mean time she is contributing to a very worthy cause for those who have lost their hair in cancer treatments.
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Old 05-02-2005, 08:55 AM   #5
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Thank you for the replies. It will make me sick, but as long is she isn't being pressured by some friend to do it, then I will support her in whatever decision she makes, and to give it to LOL, would be the very best way for it to happen.
Whew! I hate it when the start growing up on you!
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Old 05-02-2005, 08:57 AM   #6
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I think its a very worthy cause, I donated a year ago march and my hair is creeping back towards the middle of my back, would donate again this year but I have color on it now. I wish I had the face that could sport a short hair cut, I am so tired of mine being long. Just support her and if that is what she really wants to do, I say go for it. Make sure you brag on the new hair cut. Might have cutters remourse. Make sure the family does not say "good meaning things" that might make her feels sorry she did it. ex "Why did you cut your hair, it was so pretty" Innocent enought but might make her wonder. Does that make sense.

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Old 05-02-2005, 08:58 AM   #7
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I had long hair like that until 6th grade. I finally got to the point where it was just so much trouble to deal with. My dad really hated the thought of me cutting my hair, but my mom understood. I cut it to my shoulders. It was a big relief .... *but* I ended up hating it! If I were you ... I would let her do it. It will only frustrate her if she doesn't have the freedom to choose how her hair is.

With my boys, I figure that they can do pretty much what they want with it. It is only hair ... yeah, I keep telling myself that. LOL! My oldest, who is 14, has absolutely gorgeous hair. When he gets it cut shorter, it kills me. Generally, he keeps it long (shoulder length), though.

Just remember ... it grows back. My hair is now all the way down my back again. I learned my lesson in 6th grade! LOL!!
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:01 AM   #8
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Crystal,

I was reading your post and immediately thought "locks of love" and was pleased to see that you already found them! What a wonderful opportunity to let your daughter share her blessing with someone else who needs it.

If she wants to cut her hair to just below her shoulder blades, that is still long hair. She will still be able to braid it, ponytail it, whatever she does with it now. It will be much easier to take care of too.

I know you are upset, and I would be too. I think you hit the nail on the head yourself...your baby is growing up, going to middle-school, she is concerned about her looks, teenager-hood is right around the corner....and the hair is a tangible manifestation of all these things that makes mommies sad (and scared too). I feel for you! {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Please keep us posted, and vent all you want! We are here for you.
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:04 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acopisshe
I think its a very worthy cause, I donated a year ago march and my hair is creeping back towards the middle of my back, would donate again this year but I have color on it now. I wish I had the face that could sport a short hair cut, I am so tired of mine being long. Just support her and if that is what she really wants to do, I say go for it. Make sure you brag on the new hair cut. Might have cutters remourse. Make sure the family does not say "good meaning things" that might make her feels sorry she did it. ex "Why did you cut your hair, it was so pretty" Innocent enought but might make her wonder. Does that make sense.

Angie
you can still donate it with color on it too.
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:04 AM   #10
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Thanks guys. I have always told all 3 of my kids they could do whatever they wanted with THEIR hair. Because it is just that...it is their hair...and thank GOODNESS, it grows out. I told them the only thing I asked was that if they decided to color it they asked me first. My thoughts on the matter are...HAIR is a small battle...I don't care to fight about hair. I also told them, that with me allowing them to do whatever they wanted with their hair, I reserved the right to tell them if I didn't care for a hair cut.
Amazingly all 3 blondies have always kept it conservative. I better knock on wood.

It is her hair, Mama, just needs to try and get over it. I know I have to let her do what ever SHE decides!
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:09 AM   #11
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Locks of Love - for sure. Since you already looked on the website, you know what salons will actually send it in for you. THere are some that will actually call the news channels out and make a big deal of it and put it on TV news. If she wants to do it I would find out which ones will call the news out - that would be something she could look back on when she is older. I cut mine of 12/20/2002 - it was the 2nd anniversary of my dad's death - of course I opted NOT to have media there, since it was such an emotional thing for me... I did it in memory of my dad and his courageous battle with cancer. My dh had a hard time with it (he suggested I donate my bone marrow instead!) but he knew it was going to a good cause.
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:11 AM   #12
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I say let her do it! And donate to locks of love!

I know it is hard - my dd who is 6 wanted her hair cut - it was also to her waist and had tons of beautiful curls! I had the hardest time letting go of it but once it was done I was very glad! She has less headaches now and it is much easier to wash, brush and fix...
My neice has cut hers too - she was 10 in the 5th grade and they have not regreated it either! She does not miss it at all - neither does my sister!!! Actually she said when asked do you miss it and she said "Heck NO!" It is easier and she uses less shampoo and conditioner.

As I always say - "It is only Hair and it will grow back"
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:18 AM   #13
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Hugs Crystal! I just want my daughter to HAVE hair that I could potentially one day cut!! LOL!!!! At 2.5 her longest hairs are exactly 2" long!
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:32 AM   #14
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Locks of Love is a great way to show your daughter that her hair will be beautiful on another little girl. We have friends with 2 daughters that have NEVER cut their hair (they are now 12 and 14). The oldest did cut her hair for LOL a couple of years ago, and still had plenty to spare! There are a lot of cute cuts that are just above shoulder length too - be sure to post some photos of your dd!
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:37 AM   #15
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Hey...I'm fairly new to post here but I have to say, I HATE when my daughter wants to grow her hair long. LOL I've been on her for month's now to cut it off because it's just so much easier to take care of.

It's only hair...it'll grow back and back and back. Besides, girls her age are the perfect type for donating good hair to Locks of Love. What a great thing for her to do in the process of getting a new look!
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Old 05-02-2005, 09:42 AM   #16
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Crystal,

I'm one of the fortunate (?) few that has super thick hair that grows a mile a minute. I've been able to make a donation to Locks of Love as well as to provide hair for wigs for our local Opera! I found that the least painful method for all involved was the single braid - it's over a lot quicker...

I know you're suffering at the moment (my dad nearly cried the first time I lopped mine off), but, trust me, that hair will grow back and in the meantime, someone else's DD will have the confidence children need to go out and enjoy their childhood with the other children. I can only imagine how you feel right now -- my DD finally has enough hair for pigtails!

My DH has also shaved his head in support of cancer, so we're all about giving away our expendibles and renewables!

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Old 05-02-2005, 09:48 AM   #17
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I understand what she is going through. I have very thick hair that grows very fast. At age 3 I also had my hair down to my waist and only got trims until I was 9. At 9 my hair was past my waist and when my brother was born my mom didn't have time to deal with my hair so I got a Dorothy Hammill cut (I was given the choice to take care of it on my own or get it cut). I cried and cried because it was such a big change. I grew it long again and have never had it shorter than my shoulders since!

But, I had wanted it short when my mom suggested I get it cut at 9. I didn't like sitting there and having her comb through the snarls (conditioners weren't very good or popular then, so she used No More Tangles which didn't work very good either). I found out I didn't like having short hair and would never have known that if I hadn't gotten it cut!

I have hair to the middle of my back right now and am getting it cut on Saturday...definitely at least to my shoulders. I always have a hard time 'letting go' with my hair, but I'm really tired of it the way it is. Your daughter is probably feeling the same way. I know in another year it will be to the middle of my back again, so if I don't like it I know it will grow back! Plus, it's amazing how 'free' I feel when it's shorter. It gets so heavy that when I get it cut I feel like I got rid of 20 lbs off my shoulders.
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Old 05-02-2005, 10:24 AM   #18
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You know, I think if she's thought about it, let her. If she doesn't like it, at least it will grow back in time.

I would research other places to give hair to other than Locks of Love. The lady I work with has a daughter who had cancer and needed a wig and couldn't afford one and do you know they were STILL going to CHARGE this little girl for a wig she desperately needed! Maybe it was just the people she dealt with here locally. And this girl was a teenager and they would not even consider her until she submitted a picture of her bald head. She wouldn't even show her mother her head uncovered. She was a young girl who was not only facing possible death, but humiliated by her appearance and I think the Locks of Love people should be more sensitive to those feelings. I think they went too far, especially for a volunteer service and my opinion changed from what I thought was a great service, to, "it's just another business". Sorry about the soapbox, but I think more people should know the personal experiences of people before they give to this "great cause" thinking they are doing some good. I'd rather get my hair made into a wig personally and give it myself and know its going to someone who hasn't got the time or energy to spend on this paperwork and other junk the Locks of Love require. Whew...okay, done ranting .
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Old 05-02-2005, 10:34 AM   #19
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that's good to know dxychick, i have given to locks of love twice now in the last 2 years and my hair is again long enough, i have been thinking about doing it again, now i am not sure i want to. i can't afford to have a wig made. does anyone know if there is another organization out there?

c.
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Old 05-02-2005, 10:36 AM   #20
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Hi! I have had long hair since about high school. It is very thick and very long (about to my behind). The reason I grew it out? My Mom! She was always cutting my hair short! I absolutely HATED it short! I tried and tried to get her to let me grow it out and she always ended up making me cut it. So, I think it started as a rebellion thing. Now, it's a part of who I am. So, I would say let your daughters cut (or grow) their hair as they want. My daughter is only 5, but I ask her what she wants already. My Mom still makes comments about my hair, but it's what I want. I will cut it someday (when I'm not so chicken and I find a style that I think will look good) and give it to Locks of Love, but not just yet. Hope that helps!

Beth
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Old 05-02-2005, 10:37 AM   #21
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I always let my daughters decide for themselves after about the 5th. grade. The only thing I asked of them was don't come crying to me if you don't like it.

I cut 12 inches off mine a few years ago for locks of love. Even though it grows like grass I have kept it short since then.

There will be alot of decisions to make in middle school and showing her you trust her decision with getting a hair cut may make it easier for her to come to you with more decisions in the future.

Just take a deep breath. This is just the beginning of a real roller coaster ride!
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Old 05-02-2005, 10:50 AM   #22
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Wow talk about right up my alley with this one.
My kiddos' school had a 'cancer research fundraiser' and if they raised $6000 (there's only 200 kids in the school) I offered to have my head shaved and my locks donated to 'locks of love'. My hair is only 16" long and they need at least 10". Well they only raised $4700 so we reached a comprimise. Instead of a complete shave I'm getting a very short stylish cut and donating the 15" of locks. My reason for doing this is because two young boys we know (one in kindergarten and one in grade 4) were diagnosed with cancer this past summer.
My kiddos were freakish when I first told them my idea and now they're behind me 100%. My family & friends are looking forward to seeing my new doo on Thursday when the ceremony will take place.
Maybe you could approach your daughter's school to do a fundraiser and do cancer patients a wealth of good since she wants to do it anyways? If you focuss on what the donation of your daughter's hair will mean to a child that doesn't have hair I'm sure you will find complete peace with her new look. Also think of all the strain you will be taking off of her neck and back.
I for one applaud your daughter and I'd love to see the before and after shots.
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Old 05-02-2005, 10:58 AM   #23
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Oh a little suggestion you can take it or leave it...
Take a few photos of your daughter from different angles and digitally enhance it to show her how she would look with her hair shorter. My hubby did a picture of me with a bald head and scared the *beep* out of me. I was a little releaved that I didn't have to completely shave it after all
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Old 05-02-2005, 11:01 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by caitlinw
that's good to know dxychick, i have given to locks of love twice now in the last 2 years and my hair is again long enough, i have been thinking about doing it again, now i am not sure i want to. i can't afford to have a wig made. does anyone know if there is another organization out there?

c.
When I got my DD's hair cut, at age 4 it was past her waist...we called the American Cancer Society and they told me about "Wigs for Kids"...it it specifically for children, and as far as I know they donate their wigs, but I'm sure you could research them to find out for sure.

We cut 17 inches off her hair (the one in my avatar) and she LOVED it! She hasn't wanted long hair since! That was 5 years ago (at the time, we'd never heard of Locks of Love, and didn't know anybody who'd ever done this).

Now she tells me she wants a hair cut as soon as it starts bugging her, which is usually when it touches her shoulders.
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Old 05-02-2005, 11:09 AM   #25
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As a hairdresser, I would say let her do it. I have cut many girls hair for locks of loves and they always feel so good doing something for children in need. The only thing you should know is that you have to cut 10" in a ponytail, which means after you cut the hair will be shorter in some spots than others, so she will probably have to have closer to 12" cut off in the end. But remember, it's only hair and it WILL grow back!! Good luck and hang in there, it won't be so bad!! It sounds like her hair will still be considered long after it's all said and done. HTH
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Old 05-02-2005, 11:42 AM   #26
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I can understand how you feel but what a great idea to donate her beautiful locks! I think if she does to decide to cut it AND donate it, that even if she doesn't care for it she will be content with her decision just knowing that she helped someone. What a wonderful daughter - just be supportive of her. This is just the beginning of many decisions she will be making. By showing your support (and being strong) it will hopefully lead to more "mother-daughter" talks and asking for your input on things before doing them!
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Old 05-02-2005, 11:54 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tc82742
you can still donate it with color on it too.
Really, the lady that did mine last year said that I could not donate as long as it has color on it... wonder why she told me that? I will definately check into it. By the end of the summer I would have enough if I cut it and still be able to have a small pony tail. Will call to some other salons.

angie
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Old 05-02-2005, 11:55 AM   #28
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thanks beth, i will look in to "wigs for kids".

c.
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Old 05-02-2005, 12:24 PM   #29
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I say, " it's only hair "
I am not my hair
I am not my skin
I am not my elbow or dress size or income
I am me in the bed comfy and cozy and safe alone in the dark just before dreamtime
this is a teaching moment, don't cry!
{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
teach that confidence, compassion and generosity are good things
teach that same old "you love-her-no-matter-what" lesson in a new way
Learn that she is growing and that marvel at her independence
Be proud that you brought her to this confident, aware place. albeit all too soon !
And treat yourself to a new look too!
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Old 05-02-2005, 12:44 PM   #30
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I had really long hair as a child, too, and I will never forget the day I got mine cut. It was basically the same as your daughter - I went from hair below my waist to just below my shoulder blades. My mom cried when the hairdresser pulled it into a pony-tail and just chopped it all off. I think I was in shock at first, b/c I hadn't expected him to do it that way, but I was really happy once that wore off. We didn't know about Locks of Love then, but I think that's an awesome idea. I think she should go for it. If she decides that she likes it long, it will grow back, and she can provide for someone else in need in the meantime.

Best of luck!
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Old 05-02-2005, 01:19 PM   #31
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Default You guys are awesome!

You guys are so awesome! Your words speak volumes. You speak of things I am thinking and the struggles of knowing I have to let her grow up. Charming what you said spoke volumes. I have always thought her hair was so much a part of her, but it is really more of just an extension of her. We are only changing the extension.

I will keep you guys posted. IF she decides to do it, I will be sure and post the pictures!


Thanks so much for everything!
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Old 05-03-2005, 07:19 PM   #32
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Default SHE DID IT!

As soon as I can post pictures I will post them! She did it! It looks really good, and she is so happy. I cried a little. She cried a little...not like she was sad she did it...just floods of emotions.
I can't wait to post the pictures to show you!
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Old 05-03-2005, 07:25 PM   #33
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Tapping fingers wishing and wishing I could show off the pictures!
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Old 05-03-2005, 07:28 PM   #34
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I'm waiting too! Be sure to do the before and afters!

I'm so glad that everything went well.
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Old 05-03-2005, 07:33 PM   #35
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Can't wait to see her pictures.


About color. They told me it could have color but not bleach.
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Old 05-03-2005, 07:42 PM   #36
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Oh, yeah!! Pictures, pictures!! I can't wait to see!!!

I'm glad she feels good about it.
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Old 05-03-2005, 11:18 PM   #37
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I think that if she wants it cut, she'll cut it and then if she realizes that she misses it, she'll let it grow back. I'm sure her hair is her trademark.

I had long hair when I was 3. In my 4 yo pictures, my mom
--a cosmetologist--decided that it was too difficult to comb, brush, or do anything with. My dad just about flipped. Since then, I have only had my hair almost that short once. It was just about chin level. Right now, I'm on a quest to grow it to my waist again. That's how long it was when I got married and I wanted it that long one more time before I turn 40. I'll be 38 in a few weeks. I have about 4 inches to go. The only problem with it is that it won't hold a style---at all. I have too much hair and even though it is fine in texture, I have a lot of it. Dh loves my long hair. In fact he told me once that if I cut it too short, he'll go live in IA with my parents until it grows back. What a turkey. He has his so high and tight right now (I have to shave it to his skin for him) that it's not even funny. When it gets to about 1/4 inch, he thinks he looks like a hippie. When we first started dating, he tried the flat top hair cut. Flat tops and nappy curly hair don't go together. It would take him 30 minutes to fix it. Geeze. That's longer than it took me.
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Old 05-03-2005, 11:48 PM   #38
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I'm glad she likes it! Donating is a wonderful idea. I donated 10 inches last year. It will always grow back if she decides she liked it better long.
Joy
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Old 05-04-2005, 04:21 AM   #39
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Default Hair TODAY Gone Tomorrow

still working to get the pics on here...thought I had it..sorry gang..will keep trying..they will go here when i get it..hopefully

Last edited by SellsBskts; 05-04-2005 at 04:23 AM.. Reason: jpgs wouldn't work..
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Old 05-04-2005, 05:39 AM   #40
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Default Long Hair

My DD also, had hair down to her waist. She was in the second grade(almost done) when she decided she wanted to cut it off and Donate her hair to LOCKS OF LOVE. She was the one who actulaly came up with the idea. We wait until just before school started again in the fall.

She inspired others to also donate there hair. Including her older sister. I think by Thanksgiving at least 4 of her friends had it cut and donated there hair.

She is again growing it out to donate again. Again her idea! How can you say no. Her hair grows very slow. So, it will probably be another year. She is in the 4th grade now.
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