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Took the words right out of my mouth.I keep thinking about you and wondering if there was anything we can do to make it better and knowing but there really isn't but just keep thinking about you. Take care of yourself let us know
Thank you for checking in with us. It is understandable to feel as you do. You are dealing with intense grief. The future comes one day at a time. You don't have to have it all figured out today. Hang in there.
I hope you have people around you to help and comfort. Reach out. Let people do things for you.
Keep in touch. Hugs!
__________________ Each new day is a treasure ~ Diane
Oh my. Rainsong! I am just reading this about the loss of your dear Butch. So sorry to be tardy with my condolences and in extending my deepest sympathies to you.
I am so sad for you, I can't imagine what you must be going through. Wish I could give you a real hug and tell you how important you have been to me in this forum. My heart breaks for you, hope you feel less lost very soon.
Take only photographs, leave only footprints.
Rainsong, my dear friend,
I have been off of SCS for quite a while and I just read your most recent posts. I am so very sorry for you and you're whole family. You have a wonderful picture of him where you can see the love in his eyes. You brought tears to my eyes when you listed all that he did and what he means to you. You have lived a nightmare with someone you love who was slowly leaving you. I hope and pray that you remain the strong person you have always been but also take the time to cry and let your feelings known. Wrap tightly around you all the memories of your lives together.
I am so very sorry for your loss of a wonderful friend and husband.
Take care my friend.
Sammie # 7651
When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe
Last edited by Samantha; 10-14-2013 at 04:21 PM..
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I truly appreciate all the beautiful cards, phone calls and lovely thoughts you have sent my way.
From picking up my husband's ashes to planning and creating a celebration of his life, the last two months have been a roller-coaster ride of gargantuan proportions. West Virginia has always been one of our favorite places to explore and camp, so the day I picked up his ashes, "we" took at a last ride there so I could scout out a new sofa and chair. Decent seating was a must considering what our 15 year-old set had been through over the last 18 months.
My focus is still a bit wobbly so planning the celebration and getting ready for it helped me regain a bit of control. Our house was stuffed to the gills with family and friends--we had to eat in shifts. But I know Butch would have loved it. After our last get-together back in July he thanked me for the "awesome day," so I know he would truly have enjoyed this even though he was the center of attention. My brother-in-law (the one who was so ill last year) put together a lovely video spanning my husband's childhood, teen years, military service and life after marriage and kids, and our oldest daughter made a CD of some of her dad's favorite music. Absolutely no dirges.
Our daughters, his sister, myself and my oldest sister read the poem, "Four Candles" in remembrance of him and lit white candles as we read. It was our only solemn moment--after that we partied, told funny stories, and shared memories of my darling husband.
And we ate a meal of my husband's favorite foods. Some little people ate almost as much as my husband would have! The first meal I ever fixed him had been spaghetti because he "never met a plate of spaghetti he didn't like." So, that's what I fixed this time, and after 34 years of practice, this spaghetti was soooo much better. Lots of people asking for the recipe plus the recipe for the spicy glazed walnuts, brown sugar pound cake and peanut butter snowballs.
The lows have been very low. Evenings and nights are the worst but almost anything will set me crying. Other times the same things will make me smile.
One of my lowest moments occurred last week on Thursday. I received a phone call from the State Board of Morticians--who knew we even had one? Evidently they are an oversight/regulation board of the funeral business. The phone call was a--get this--"customer satisfaction survey."
I just wanted to say--There's not a DAMN THING about my husband's death that was satisfactory now F--k off! But I didn't. I tried to answer the questions but felt like the guy was pushing my buttons. At one point I even started to think maybe this was just some kind of cruel joke. I ended up crying and told the guy I had had enough and I wasn't going to answer any more questions. After I hung up, I called the funeral director. We've known each other for over thirty years. Our family has used the same funeral home since the early 40s but this lady and her husband only took over in the 80s. Needless to say, the point of the survey was to check if the funeral home and director had done their job according to regulations but she and I both felt this was crossing the line and totally lacked sensitivity. She called the state board and within moments, they called me back.
But to get to the REAL insensitivity--the supervisor wanted to know what their agent had said to me that upset me so. I wanted to tell her in my normal blunt way--you people are insensitive arse----s-but I refrained. I tried to be polite but I'm pretty sure she got the picture when I told her the survey was totally inappropriate for the recently bereaved--or even the not-so-recently bereaved. I told her if they had suspicions about a particular funeral home they should do an undercover investigation and if they had a problem with failure to comply with regulations, they could send out a simple questionnaire after an appropriate time period had passed.
I've caught myself wanting to share videos or television shows with my husband, waiting for him to come home and listening for his footsteps. I imagine it will take quite a while before I stop.
Still, the hardest time is bedtime. After sharing a bed with the one you love for over 30 years, the bed seems awfully big and empty.
Love to you all.
__________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu