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Butch has not been truly awake since Saturday evening. His respiratory rate is very fast and at times, labored. He is now on a low dose of morphine every two hours to slow the respiration rate so he doesn't go into panic mode.
Since Friday, he's lost a huge amount of weight, another indication death is near. There are other signs which I won't go into but I don't think he has more than a couple days left.
Each of us in the family have taken the time to let him know how much we love him and that we will be okay.
Today, even the hospice CNAs were telling him they loved him. I called his friend, Joe, this evening to let him know how much Butch has declined since he saw him last week and he's planning on visiting tomorrow. Joe told me the first time he met Butch he knew he was someone special.
I wish I could convey to all of you just how special my husband is. There wasn't a thing around the house he wouldn't do--except dust.
Gave the kids their baths on occasion
Rewired the house
Installed vinyl siding and insulated the entire house
Fixed Christmas dinner the year I broke my ankle
Fixed our cars and our appliances
Braided the girls' hair
Took care of the yard
Helped me shower when I broke my ankle and did everything when I broke my wrist
Vacuumed, changed sheets, did laundry, built beautiful furniture, scooped poop, took the kids fishing and canoeing, refinished floors and wood moldings, attended every school event our kids were in (except football stuff--they were in band) installed kitchens in every house we've lived in, repaired more things than I can list, took the dog and cats for long hikes (and the neighbor's goat, but that's another story)
and cherished his wife and children beyond belief.
September 27th is our wedding anniversary--35 years.
Saturday, the last day he was able to convey anything to me, I put my head on his chest and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. He put his good arm around my back and gave me a loving pat. Then--as he has done since our dating days, he picked up my hand and kissed it one last time.
I have no idea how I can live without him.
__________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu
My heart cries with you. I'm sure this is more than hard and devastating. I became a widow at 38 and it was overwhelming to say the least. Try to remember all the good times and let those memories carry you through. Peace....
Rainsong, what a terrible, terrible loss. Your love for Butch--and his for you--has always shone in every word you've ever said or written about him. I know he must have felt that love as profoundly as you did in every minute you spent together. My heart is with you, and you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. I am so, so sorry.
God sent angels down to earth in the form of dogs with notes saying 'don't judge, just love.' They ate the notes but keep trying to deliver the message.
Thank you for letting us know and for sharing your love story with us. Butch will be missed. Keep in touch. I don't just say that. I mean it. Keep writing. You will be able to keep going. An hour at a time, one day after another. Little by little. Butch would want you to do that. We're here. (((hugs)))
Rainsong, I know it has been ages since you and I have spoken, but I wanted to send my deepest condolences to you on the loss of your precious husband; I know how special he was to you. My heart and thoughts are with you. xoxo