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Old 09-19-2008, 06:17 PM   #3961
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Ok, I need to vent here to like-minded peeps.

So, as many of you know, my DH is in the hospital recovering from a massive stroke.

So, MIL tells me today that the little churchy lady came around yesterday and asked if she could pray over Chris. So she says the "Our Father" over him, and he supposedly "got emotional".

Now mind you, he "gets emotional" about all sorts of things. He "got emotional" the other day "because", he said, "I don't know if my memories should be yellow or blue." Just so you have an idea what his mental state is.

So, anyway, the churchy lady told MIL that Chris was teary eyed because he was filled with the light of the Holy Spirit.

Now, thankfully, I wasn't in the room or most likely I would have laughed right in her face at the absurdity of it.

But what got to me is that MIL tells me this story KNOWING that I can't stand stupid crap like this. So, I tell her, "you know better than to tell me crap like that. Seriously, Diane, how did you think I'd react?"

She stopped talking about it, thankfully. Religious/god talks are really bad topics for me right now.

If one more person tells me to "pray for Chris" and that "he's in God's hands" I'm going to scream!!!

I have actually snapped at people and said, "why the hell should I pray to God? He's the one that created Chris, isnt' he? Birth defect in his brain and all. So why pray to him? If he exists, he's a sick, twisted bastard in my book."

No, I do not "have faith in God". I have faith in the very real doctors who saved his life. At least they're tangible.

<sigh>

Sorry to go off. I just am soooo sick of this crap.
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Old 09-19-2008, 08:32 PM   #3962
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Ok, I need to vent here to like-minded peeps.

So, as many of you know, my DH is in the hospital recovering from a massive stroke.

So, MIL tells me today that the little churchy lady came around yesterday and asked if she could pray over Chris. So she says the "Our Father" over him, and he supposedly "got emotional".

Now mind you, he "gets emotional" about all sorts of things. He "got emotional" the other day "because", he said, "I don't know if my memories should be yellow or blue." Just so you have an idea what his mental state is.

So, anyway, the churchy lady told MIL that Chris was teary eyed because he was filled with the light of the Holy Spirit.

Now, thankfully, I wasn't in the room or most likely I would have laughed right in her face at the absurdity of it.

But what got to me is that MIL tells me this story KNOWING that I can't stand stupid crap like this. So, I tell her, "you know better than to tell me crap like that. Seriously, Diane, how did you think I'd react?"

She stopped talking about it, thankfully. Religious/god talks are really bad topics for me right now.

If one more person tells me to "pray for Chris" and that "he's in God's hands" I'm going to scream!!!

I have actually snapped at people and said, "why the hell should I pray to God? He's the one that created Chris, isnt' he? Birth defect in his brain and all. So why pray to him? If he exists, he's a sick, twisted bastard in my book."

No, I do not "have faith in God". I have faith in the very real doctors who saved his life. At least they're tangible.

<sigh>

Sorry to go off. I just am soooo sick of this crap.
Ouch! It's gotta hurt to hear that stuff over and over, especially under these circumstances. I don't really "know" you but I did read about your husband's serious health issues somewhere. I'm very sorry you are having to go through all this.

Why is it people somehow think you are going to suddenly "see the light" and change your mind about god? It's so prevalent for people to comfort other people with religious platitudes that I don't think they always realize what they are doing. That said, I would think your MIL who knows your views(and I presume your husband's) would be a little more careful in what she says! I suppose she, too, is hoping that a conversion will come about.

I think it's pefectly understandable that you have been going off on people and perhaps it will make them think a little next time and make sure that the next person is open to hearing the usual religious crap. There's more and more of us out here who aren't interested in it. Hang in there! Take good care of you, too!
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Old 09-20-2008, 06:47 AM   #3963
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Nadine I can't begin to imagine what daily struggles you face and to have to add onto that some very unfeeling people too? I'm so sorry.
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Old 09-20-2008, 06:53 AM   #3964
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Ouch! It's gotta hurt to hear that stuff over and over, especially under these circumstances. I don't really "know" you but I did read about your husband's serious health issues somewhere. I'm very sorry you are having to go through all this.

Why is it people somehow think you are going to suddenly "see the light" and change your mind about god? It's so prevalent for people to comfort other people with religious platitudes that I don't think they always realize what they are doing. That said, I would think your MIL who knows your views(and I presume your husband's) would be a little more careful in what she says! I suppose she, too, is hoping that a conversion will come about.

I think it's pefectly understandable that you have been going off on people and perhaps it will make them think a little next time and make sure that the next person is open to hearing the usual religious crap. There's more and more of us out here who aren't interested in it. Hang in there! Take good care of you, too!
Martha, thanks for your post. I just needed some validation. lol.... I live in such a religious area.

Chris is in 62 prayer circles in 4 countries and 3 continents, hahaha....

Honestly, I don't mind when people say they are praying for him or us, that really doesn't bother me at all, and if it makes someone feel like they are doing something, and not feel helpless, then so be it. It's when I have to deal with the other stuff that it gets under my skin.
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Old 09-20-2008, 06:58 AM   #3965
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Nadine I can't begin to imagine what daily struggles you face and to have to add onto that some very unfeeling people too? I'm so sorry.
Thanks V. I don't think they're unfeeling, really. I think they're just ignorant.
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Old 09-20-2008, 07:23 AM   #3966
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Hi Nadine. So sorry that you have to hear that crap. I agree completely that it's crap. It's one thing for the churchy lady to say what SHE feels, but quite another to "know" that your husband was filled with the Holy Spirit. How is Chris doing by the way. I'm so glad you got him to the hospital and that he did not die.
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Old 09-20-2008, 03:24 PM   #3967
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Nadine - how is Chris doing?

I've been prayed for before due to health issues and it didn't really bother me - I figured any good thoughts for me out there in the universe were all good, and while "god" meant nothing to me - I focused on the fact that they were caring what happened to me.

However - I would be really irritated at anyone praying OVER me or telling me that me or a loved one of mine was "filled with" any light of any holy spirit because of their praying- it seems so self-serving on their part.....


Hope Chris is showing signs of improvement - what is the long-term prognosis?
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Old 09-20-2008, 03:50 PM   #3968
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Nadine, I too am so sorry about (your DH's illness mostly, but also) your MIL's thoughtlessness. I agree with others that I think it is fine for her to do what she needs to do to feel better for herself. But to try and push her beliefs on you and your DH, especially at an already stressful time is just wrong! But as I am typing this I realize that that is the time when most zealots try to push their beliefs the hardest...hhmmm......

Also, on the scouts issue, I was in brownies (about 20 years ago!) in elementary school. It was held at my school and there was no religiosity (is that a word? ) involved. Of course we said the motto, but I was being raised Christian so I didn't think anything about it. When we went to Juniors our leader didn't want to do it anymore so we joined a troop at a local church and I didn't stay.
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Old 09-20-2008, 09:12 PM   #3969
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Nadine,
I'm so sorry. In some ways, I truly believe that people depend on God and prayer to heal because they have absolutely no idea how to help you. Not that I'm defending them - they could say, "I'm going to pray for you, but what else can I do...what do you need?" Or, they could simply admit and address the issue as it is. They don't see the harm in what they're doing. They don't see that prayer circles do nothing to change what's happened; what you see right now; and what will be in the future.
As for the lady who felt your husband was "all emotional" about the Lord's Prayer. Oy!
*HUGS*
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Old 09-21-2008, 05:50 AM   #3970
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A letter in our local paper has really offended me and I'm not easily offended.

The writer says "we should pray for the Muslims during Ramadan."

"Stories tell of many of them coming to faith in Jesus Christ because of revelations during Ramadan. There is hope for this precious creation to believe new things. Pray that during this special time of prayer and fasting that they may see Truth Himself, Jesus Christ our God! Praying for those who persecute us is one of the most freeing things we can do."

At a time like this I wish I were Muslim so I could write back:

Stories tell of many of them coming to faith in Mohammad because of revelations during Christmas. There is hope for this precious creation to believe new things. Pray that during this special time of prayer and fasting that they may see Truth Himself, there is no god but Allah and Mohammad is his prophet! Praying for those who persecute us is one of the most freeing things we can do.

Rainsong
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Old 09-21-2008, 06:47 AM   #3971
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Thanks V. I don't think they're unfeeling, really. I think they're just ignorant.
I'm curious. Do you have a questionnaire that you fill out during the admissions process that allows you to declare your religious preference? I've only ever been in the hospital for my babies' births but I have always marks that I have no religious affiliation and have never had anyone even mention a prayer or last rites(?) type of thing for Natalie.

Course that does bring up another story of my dad asking me if we were going to have someone come baptize her (is that the right thing?) I said no and he looked shocked. I'm 34 and have NEVER seen my dad attend churh Later he said he did say a little something over her when he had a moment to himself. WHATEVER. He said he did it for my grandma. And she is buried in a Catholic cemetary (how the heck do you spell this firefox is telling me every way I've tried is wrong) in my grandma's family plot. Wonder how that worked out.

Wow ramble much. That'll teach me to post after being awake for only 15 minutes. Where's my coffee?
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Old 09-21-2008, 08:20 AM   #3972
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Thank you so much everyone. To answer your questions, Chris is very, very slowly healing. It is going to take many months for him to be back to 100%. I'm told that he will be different personality wise, but really no one knows for sure. Honestly, if you see the pics of the CT scans and the amount of blood he bled, and the area of the brain that underwent surgery, it seems impossible for him to be the same man he was before. The only foreseeable long-term problem is that he lost peripheral vision in both eyes permanently.

And V, yes when we were moved to this hospital, I specifically stated "none" when it asked for religious affiliation.

I live in the Bible belt though, and we are surrounded by religious types everywhere. I honestly didn't have a problem with them doing their little prayers and whatnot, but ugh on the "filled with the holy spirit stuff". It was just irritating.
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Old 09-21-2008, 09:01 AM   #3973
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I'm curious. Do you have a questionnaire that you fill out during the admissions process that allows you to declare your religious preference? I've only ever been in the hospital for my babies' births but I have always marks that I have no religious affiliation and have never had anyone even mention a prayer or last rites(?) type of thing for Natalie.

Course that does bring up another story of my dad asking me if we were going to have someone come baptize her (is that the right thing?) I said no and he looked shocked. I'm 34 and have NEVER seen my dad attend churh Later he said he did say a little something over her when he had a moment to himself. WHATEVER. He said he did it for my grandma. And she is buried in a Catholic cemetary (how the heck do you spell this firefox is telling me every way I've tried is wrong) in my grandma's family plot. Wonder how that worked out.

Wow ramble much. That'll teach me to post after being awake for only 15 minutes. Where's my coffee?
Victoria,

Yes. They do ask religious affiliation. The reason being so that the patient can have a pastoral visit from a member of their own church if they desire. In the Catholic religion, many patients want last rites. This enable the hospital staff to quickly arrange this for a patient who is close to death or gravely ill.
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Old 09-21-2008, 09:02 AM   #3974
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Nadine,

Please know we are all thinking about you and your family and sending a big, giant group hug your way.

Sharon
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Old 09-21-2008, 10:29 AM   #3975
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Nadine,

Please know we are all thinking about you and your family and sending a big, giant group hug your way.

Sharon

Thanks Sharon. The love and support that I have received from both my community & my cyber buddies has been incredible. I feel so lucky to have you guys!
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Old 09-21-2008, 02:31 PM   #3976
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Nadine,
I am so sorry to hear of your DH's stroke. I have been gone for 10 days and out of touch. I would be very upset too if some asked to specifically pray OVER my DH. Your MIL should not be the one to grant anyone this permission.

When my DH and I were in the hospitals at different times, I know that people prayed and we were put on prayer chains. I think that is probably OK. But not to be intrusive in your life and actually pray over him.

We also say "no" to religious affiliation or visits by the clergy. But more than once a hospital chaplain has showed up and asked if we wanted him to pray over my DH. Huh?? We said "no" when we checked in so why was he even there? I kindly said no and he looked at me like I was crazy.

I do hope that your DH will recover and have all the facilities intact - including personality and his thinking process. I also hope your MIL realizes that you are the one who now responsible for anyone entering your DH's room and what they do. I know he is her son, but when he married you, she gave up the right to make decisions like she did.

Anyway, take care and hugs to you and your DH. Please keep us informed on his progress.
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Old 09-21-2008, 02:54 PM   #3977
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I know he is her son, but when he married you, she gave up the right to make decisions like she did.

Amen, sister friend! I think mothers-in-law should have to go through pre-marital counseling too, so that they can learn their new boundaries! But that's a whole other topic, really, isn't it?!
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Old 09-21-2008, 05:25 PM   #3978
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Now mind you, he "gets emotional" about all sorts of things. He "got emotional" the other day "because", he said, "I don't know if my memories should be yellow or blue." Just so you have an idea what his mental state is.
Do you, or anyone else on here, know about the people who think in colors? I have met one or two in the framing business, but it isn't much talked about generally. Perhaps Chris's brain structure has been surgically changed and this could be a result. Obviously, it sounds totally off the wall, and after this I will go google that and try to find a source - it was many years ago I read it in psychology literature. I really hope your hubby will recover to the fullest extent possible.

While I guess no one's prayers will hurt me, and I find comfort from those offering to pray for me, sometimes, I still completely understand the absurdity of some of the religious comments made to suffering people. God's will? huh? And don't get me started on the "gone to a better place" theme. What? If my child died and someone told me he went to a better place, I would scream "he's my child, the best place is here, with me, not dead." What can people be thinking when they say that? That would not be comforting to me.
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Old 09-21-2008, 05:36 PM   #3979
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Here is a link to the thinking of numbers as colors, which sometimes has something to do with seizures, brain damage, etc.

Richard E. Cytowic "Synesthesia: Phenomenology And Neuropsychology"
http://psyche.cs.monash.edu.au/v2/ps...0-cytowic.html

Nadine, maybe your husband will come out of this phase with a new kind of thinking. I am sorry this horrible thing has happened to you and your family.
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Old 09-21-2008, 09:55 PM   #3980
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A letter in our local paper has really offended me and I'm not easily offended.

The writer says "we should pray for the Muslims during Ramadan."

"Stories tell of many of them coming to faith in Jesus Christ because of revelations during Ramadan. There is hope for this precious creation to believe new things. Pray that during this special time of prayer and fasting that they may see Truth Himself, Jesus Christ our God! Praying for those who persecute us is one of the most freeing things we can do."

At a time like this I wish I were Muslim so I could write back:

Stories tell of many of them coming to faith in Mohammad because of revelations during Christmas. There is hope for this precious creation to believe new things. Pray that during this special time of prayer and fasting that they may see Truth Himself, there is no god but Allah and Mohammad is his prophet! Praying for those who persecute us is one of the most freeing things we can do.

Rainsong
Yeah but Christians don't really fast or spend much time "meditatively" these days, do they?

When the Catholic church changed in the 60s, it was nice to have English instead of Latin, but I found that I kind of preferred a quiet meditative service. When I did go to church, I liked the early mass, with no music, no sermon (or five minutes), just the service.

Oh well. The arrogance and un-education of your letter writer is pretty sad.
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Old 09-21-2008, 09:56 PM   #3981
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I'm curious. Do you have a questionnaire that you fill out during the admissions process that allows you to declare your religious preference? I've only ever been in the hospital for my babies' births but I have always marks that I have no religious affiliation and have never had anyone even mention a prayer or last rites(?) type of thing for Natalie.

Course that does bring up another story of my dad asking me if we were going to have someone come baptize her (is that the right thing?) I said no and he looked shocked. I'm 34 and have NEVER seen my dad attend churh Later he said he did say a little something over her when he had a moment to himself. WHATEVER. He said he did it for my grandma. And she is buried in a Catholic cemetary (how the heck do you spell this firefox is telling me every way I've tried is wrong) in my grandma's family plot. Wonder how that worked out.

Wow ramble much. That'll teach me to post after being awake for only 15 minutes. Where's my coffee?
Natalie is buried in a Catholic cemetery and wasn't baptized? Did someone lie on the paperwork? I know the requirements back home were very strict about who could get buried in the Catholic cemetery.

Not that it matters, I'm just curious. I remember when I was a kid, mom would point out a separate part of the cemetery that was for non-Catholics, in non-blessed ground or some such.

ETA: Eh, I'll have to ask my sister more.
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Old 09-22-2008, 05:12 AM   #3982
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Natalie is buried in a Catholic cemetery and wasn't baptized? Did someone lie on the paperwork? I know the requirements back home were very strict about who could get buried in the Catholic cemetery.

Not that it matters, I'm just curious. I remember when I was a kid, mom would point out a separate part of the cemetery that was for non-Catholics, in non-blessed ground or some such.

ETA: Eh, I'll have to ask my sister more.
Yeah that's what I meant by wonder how that happened. I know it was expensive for sure, sheesh. At the time I was so numb that I was totally going thru all the motions and not asking too many questions. You know how surreal it is to pick out an infant coffin? And it was all frilly inside, came with a stuffed bear. I remember telling the lady no bear, that's stupid she doesn't want some bear.

As for lying, I wouldn't put it past my dad considering he also went ahead and met with the deacon to talk about the service without telling up. I had to call him and ask why we hadn't been called. "Oh we got all the information we needed" Oh really? Cuz I'm her mom and nobody has talked to me." Bitter much?
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Old 09-22-2008, 05:28 AM   #3983
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Nadine, My DH and I talked just yesterday about your DH and what happened and how glad we are you posted all the information you did. To think of others and warn them about the symptomology was thoughtful and generous. I hope that things continue to improve.

Synethesia, thinking in colours is something I have always been fascinated by. Do you know that the great french composer Ravel always said he thought in colour? Each musical note was a colour and he painted his compositions. A friend of mine who had high functioning Asperger Syndrome used to tell me that if she was eating in a restaraunt and the music changed her food tasted different which is another kind of synthensia. Somewhere around this house I have a book which talks about famous people who were brilliant thinkers who had this way of thinking. Your husband may find he gets some interesting insights from this unusual way of thinking.

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Old 09-22-2008, 02:53 PM   #3984
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A letter in our local paper has really offended me and I'm not easily offended.

At a time like this I wish I were Muslim so I could write back:

Stories tell of many of them coming to faith in Mohammad because of revelations during Christmas. There is hope for this precious creation to believe new things. Pray that during this special time of prayer and fasting that they may see Truth Himself, there is no god but Allah and Mohammad is his prophet! Praying for those who persecute us is one of the most freeing things we can do.

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Oh yeah, the Ramadan thing! I have come to a place in my beliefs where I almost understand why people choose to be Christian (or whatever really), but what I cannot abide is the unbelievable arrogance to think that no other faith could possibly be acceptable. The fact that a HUGE portion of people currently living on this planet and an even larger number of people who have died are/were not Christian seems to excape these people. And the fact that there are faiths out there (like Buddhism and Hinduism) that have not engaged in war over faith to me seems to set those faiths apart from those who create war in the name of their god (like Radical Islaam and Christianity).

Last year, my team of teachers decided to teach "world holidays" at Christmastime. Lucky me, I drew Ramadan. I hadn't known anything about it so I researched and learned that it is actually a very holy and meditative holiday. It is based on the time of year when Allah sent the Koran down to Mohammed. And I taught it that way to each of the seven classes. Well, one day, one of another teacher's moms called to speak to me, and I had no idea who her daughter was, let alone her. She proceeds to tell me that I was wrong to teach this to her child, they believe I lied to the students because there is no other word of god than the bible, and why didn't I teach that Muslims kill Christians. I was so upset that I hung up on the woman which was not a good move. I wanted so badly to tell her that if I was to teach about current events in a lesson about Ramadan, then I also needed to teach about the Crusades in a lesson about Christmas.

Okay, thank you for the vent!
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Old 09-22-2008, 03:26 PM   #3985
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Oh yeah, the Ramadan thing! I have come to a place in my beliefs where I almost understand why people choose to be Christian (or whatever really), but what I cannot abide is the unbelievable arrogance to think that no other faith could possibly be acceptable.
I was talking to my religious co-worker and she said that she believed everyone who was not a Christian was a Satan worshipper. I was not surprised. I asked a few questions to clarify what she meant. I said, how about me... I'm not actively worshipping Satan; I am simply not worshipping God. She said yup, that means for her that I am a Satan worshipper even if I didn't even believe in Satan (I was not offended nor surprised; I already suspected she would believe this). I said there was a difference between being apathetic and actively worshipping anything. She said it was all black and white for her (someone is either actively worshipping God or not, and if they're not, that means they are for the devil); no shades of grey in the middle.

But I asked more questions and was shocked to find that she also considered people who believe in other branches of Christianity (Mormons, Catholics, Jehovah Witnesses, etc.) as well to be Satan worshippers!!! I did not know that her definition of "Christian" was so narrow.
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Old 09-22-2008, 03:35 PM   #3986
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She said it was all black and white for her (someone is either actively worshipping God or not, and if they're not, that means they are for the devil); no shades of grey in the middle.
That drives me nuts, the demonization of anyone who believes differently. I find it intolerant in Muslim extremists and in Christian extremists, as well as politicians and their supporters. Because I don't agree with their beliefs or position they say I must "hate" Allah/God/McCain/Palin. Do you think extremism encourages black & white thinking? Because I only see the reluctance to see grey amongst people who consider themselves very religious (or in the case of politics, people who are particularly jingoistic about their candidate).
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Old 09-22-2008, 03:39 PM   #3987
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And it reminds me of a situation I've described before: I'm sitting in the dental chair while the dental assistant chats with me with a particularly heavy Christian overtone, so I politely inform her I'm an atheist. "An atheist?", she says, "you mean you HATE people?".
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:12 PM   #3988
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That drives me nuts, the demonization of anyone who believes differently. I find it intolerant in Muslim extremists and in Christian extremists, as well as politicians and their supporters. Because I don't agree with their beliefs or position they say I must "hate" Allah/God/McCain/Palin. Do you think extremism encourages black & white thinking? Because I only see the reluctance to see grey amongst people who consider themselves very religious (or in the case of politics, people who are particularly jingoistic about their candidate).
Possibly. It could be the other way around too - maybe people who think only in black and white tend to become extremists.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:27 PM   #3989
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Nadine,
I am so sorry to hear of your DH's stroke. I have been gone for 10 days and out of touch. I would be very upset too if some asked to specifically pray OVER my DH. Your MIL should not be the one to grant anyone this permission.

When my DH and I were in the hospitals at different times, I know that people prayed and we were put on prayer chains. I think that is probably OK. But not to be intrusive in your life and actually pray over him.

We also say "no" to religious affiliation or visits by the clergy. But more than once a hospital chaplain has showed up and asked if we wanted him to pray over my DH. Huh?? We said "no" when we checked in so why was he even there? I kindly said no and he looked at me like I was crazy.

I do hope that your DH will recover and have all the facilities intact - including personality and his thinking process. I also hope your MIL realizes that you are the one who now responsible for anyone entering your DH's room and what they do. I know he is her son, but when he married you, she gave up the right to make decisions like she did.

Anyway, take care and hugs to you and your DH. Please keep us informed on his progress.

Sammie! Thank you so much. MIL and I get along practically all the time, but on the religion thing we are soooo different. She is very religious. Everytime something happens with Chris - good or bad - she is down in the chapel. And that's fine. That gives her peace? hope? whatev, but argh, she soooo knows better than to preach to me.

Thank you so much for your well wishes. You and your DH are always in my thoughts. I hope you're both doing ok!!

Hugs girlfriend!
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:32 PM   #3990
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Here is a link to the thinking of numbers as colors, which sometimes has something to do with seizures, brain damage, etc.

Richard E. Cytowic "Synesthesia: Phenomenology And Neuropsychology"
http://psyche.cs.monash.edu.au/v2/ps...0-cytowic.html

Nadine, maybe your husband will come out of this phase with a new kind of thinking. I am sorry this horrible thing has happened to you and your family.

Wow, that synethesia is pretty interesting! He's only made the color reference once, but I'll keep an ear out for other comments like that.

Thank you so much for your well wishes!
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:38 PM   #3991
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Nadine, My DH and I talked just yesterday about your DH and what happened and how glad we are you posted all the information you did. To think of others and warn them about the symptomology was thoughtful and generous. I hope that things continue to improve.

Synethesia, thinking in colours is something I have always been fascinated by. Do you know that the great french composer Ravel always said he thought in colour? Each musical note was a colour and he painted his compositions. A friend of mine who had high functioning Asperger Syndrome used to tell me that if she was eating in a restaraunt and the music changed her food tasted different which is another kind of synthensia. Somewhere around this house I have a book which talks about famous people who were brilliant thinkers who had this way of thinking. Your husband may find he gets some interesting insights from this unusual way of thinking.

Sandy
Hi Sandy,

Chris's whole experience has definitely been life changing, for both of us; that's for sure. I've had so many doctors/nurses/people who have gone through strokes and such tell me that he is not going to be the same guy and that frightens the hell out of me. Though it didn't always sound like it, and he drove me up a wall sometimes, I like (and love, of course) the man I married. Not knowing what his personality is going to be is killing me. Right now he is so "simple". He's tired all the time. He takes very little interest in our children when they visit him in the hospital. He still has such a long way to go, I know. He's in rehab now and doing so much better, but the "spark" of what made him who is, is not there. I hope it comes back.
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Old 09-22-2008, 04:45 PM   #3992
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Nadine, I wish I had words of comfort. I can't image going through what you are. (((hugs)))
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Old 09-22-2008, 07:12 PM   #3993
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Hi Sandy,

Chris's whole experience has definitely been life changing, for both of us; that's for sure. I've had so many doctors/nurses/people who have gone through strokes and such tell me that he is not going to be the same guy and that frightens the hell out of me. Though it didn't always sound like it, and he drove me up a wall sometimes, I like (and love, of course) the man I married. Not knowing what his personality is going to be is killing me. Right now he is so "simple". He's tired all the time. He takes very little interest in our children when they visit him in the hospital. He still has such a long way to go, I know. He's in rehab now and doing so much better, but the "spark" of what made him who is, is not there. I hope it comes back.
I also wish I had words of comfort for you. What a scary situation for you and your family. Illness does change us whether by choice or by the condition. Mark has changed so much that there were times I just looked at him and thought - is this the guy I married. But fortunately it is for the good. We are so much stronger together. Then when I got cancer - wow. What a shock to see things thru his eyes.

We ride a scary road and you are on that road now as is your DH. You have a long rehab to go thru with him I would guess his lack of interest in your kids may be because he is fighting so hard inside him to even come to terms with what happened to him may be the cause. He may be even self-centered at times as thinking that other people have serious illnesses and not him.

He is going thru a tough time as you are going thru yours. Give him some time and I hope he will come around very slowly. That is what is so hard is that we want a major change now and can't wait for the loved one to physically improve fast too. But that doesn't always happen.

You must be in such internal turmoil. I do know the feeling. But take care of you and the kids and try to tell them that their dad needs time too.


Love and hugs to you and your family.
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Old 09-23-2008, 04:40 AM   #3994
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And it reminds me of a situation I've described before: I'm sitting in the dental chair while the dental assistant chats with me with a particularly heavy Christian overtone, so I politely inform her I'm an atheist. "An atheist?", she says, "you mean you HATE people?".

Isn't it funny what some people's perception is...

On one of the other forums here a question was asked what people thought of Atheists.... and someone answered:
"SCARY"


Seriously.
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Old 09-23-2008, 04:44 AM   #3995
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Isn't it funny what some people's perception is...

On one of the other forums here a question was asked what people thought of Atheists.... and someone answered:
"SCARY"


Seriously.
You don't mean to tell me you sometimes lurk in the christian threads, do you? I have avoided doing that. I think I would get too mad or depressed or something.
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Old 09-23-2008, 06:56 AM   #3996
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Hi Sandy,

Chris's whole experience has definitely been life changing, for both of us; that's for sure. I've had so many doctors/nurses/people who have gone through strokes and such tell me that he is not going to be the same guy and that frightens the hell out of me. Though it didn't always sound like it, and he drove me up a wall sometimes, I like (and love, of course) the man I married. Not knowing what his personality is going to be is killing me. Right now he is so "simple". He's tired all the time. He takes very little interest in our children when they visit him in the hospital. He still has such a long way to go, I know. He's in rehab now and doing so much better, but the "spark" of what made him who is, is not there. I hope it comes back.
Nadine, this brought tears to my eyes. As DH and I are only 30, I don't know what you are feeling, but I can imagine, and all I can say is I am thinking of you. Keep us posted. (((((HUGS)))))
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Old 09-23-2008, 07:01 AM   #3997
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Isn't it funny what some people's perception is...

On one of the other forums here a question was asked what people thought of Atheists.... and someone answered:
"SCARY"


Seriously.
All I can think is they must not understand, are not educated about the issue. But that is me wanting to believe the best in people. Truth is, I doubt that most want to understand, since they are so secure in their absolutism and intolerance. Sophie, you may not have been surprised by your coworker's view, but I am. Even other sects of Christianity being "satan-worshippers" is just appalling to me! As far as A/As--wouldn't I have to believe in Satan to worship him?!
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Old 09-23-2008, 07:14 AM   #3998
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Nadine, I can only imagine what you are going through. Particularly challenging with young children. Yes, illness does change people, often for the better but sometimes not so good. It is okay to be scared. Most reasonable folks in your situation would be. Pressure from all sides coming at you, even with the people who are supposed to be supporting you.

Not having been in your exact situation but having been in the pressure cooker a few times myself, two handicapped children, many health problems and last summer my husbands life was in danger (he is fine now) one of the things I learned was to take some time for myself no matter what. Difficult to attain at times but worth it. Accept any reasonable help offered. You can't help your children or your DH if you get sick too. Know that many of us on this board are thinking about you and wishing we could help out in some way. Even if it is just talking feel free to contact me. I will PM you with phone number. Hugs.

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Old 09-24-2008, 03:02 PM   #3999
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Okay, I know we've had this discussion before, but it bit me again. On NBC Nightly News they were interviewing residents of Galveston as they returned to their homes for the first time. They showed this older woman who has lived in her home for over 40 years, has no insurance, and only Social Security as income. Her one-story home was flooded to five feet and all of her possessions are covered in mold and "toxic mud". While fighting tears she said that she kept telling herself that god would take care of her. Then she said that she guesses he still will, but she doesn't understand why this had to happen.

Again, all I could think about is how can they believe in a being that would purposely have these kinds things happen to (presumably) good, innocent people??!!! And how can one justify this belief when this woman's home and history are destroyed with no hope of rebuilding, while other people in the same community have virtually no damage at all? What makes one family worthy of having their home saved, while others "deserve" to lose everything! I really want to understand how this type of thinking is possible, because I am so unable to accept it!
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Old 09-24-2008, 03:21 PM   #4000
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You're just gonna hurt your brain trying to get answers to those questions. The one thing that is so frustrating about the religious/God argument is that it is soooo circular.
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