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Old 12-05-2010, 06:23 AM   #81
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OK, so on the new WW PointsPlus plan...

Last night I took advantage of the FREE FRUIT and snacked on it while watching the Sex & the City movie, instead of my usual snacking.

A pear, a banana, a large Fuji apple.

OMG, can we say diarrhea?
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Old 12-05-2010, 06:27 AM   #82
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Still trying to figure out the new PointsPlus.

My regular oatmeal is now 3 points, was 2.
Steel cut oats I learned this morning is 4 points, was 2.

That makes no sense to me. Steel cut oats are less processed, I would have thought it would at least stay the same, not higher.

But my daily points increased from 19 to 29 so I guess it is OK.

I am happy that the 2 points for eggs stayed the same (because of the new emphasis on protein in the calculations). I have an omelet at least a few times a week (easy to make for one person) so that is a bonus.

Boy did I stock up on fruits and veggies at the store on Friday. So I guess the new plan changed my behavior, if only for one week.
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Old 12-05-2010, 06:31 AM   #83
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I'd pull the plug on the joint account. Make her write you a check for X amount when she gets the child support, then do what she wants with the rest. Can you get her an acct with just a debit card, no checks? Or a prepaid debit or something?
This is ABSOLUTELY the most important thing.

Sister should have **NO** -- repeat NO -- direct access to the money that you deposit from your paycheck.

If she can't access your money, she can't waste it.
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Old 12-05-2010, 06:38 AM   #84
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Carol, I don't want to harp on this, but I need to.

A major stressor is that she is wasting joint funds.

So don't make them joint!! It is YOUR paycheck.

Repeat, it is YOUR paycheck. Her fingers should never touch it unless YOU give her some. If you can't get her off of the joint account, then if you have to, set up a new account in your name only and put your paycheck in there. She and Mom can stay joint. They cannot stop you from doing that, it is 100% in your control. Repeat, this is in your control to deposit your paycheck where you want. And to manage it as you see best. I think that is the key to your sanity.

And I agree with Wrose or Jane who said, explain that choices have consequences.

Because of the movie choice, there will be a smaller tree.

You know it bothers me that I dislike your sister so much and I haven't even met her. It seems somehow not fair to form that judgment. But I like you, and I don't like what she and her situation is doing to you.
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Old 12-05-2010, 06:43 AM   #85
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Carol, when you come up to get the gifts, would Girl enjoy a stamp with the grown-ups session?

I could put the gifts in cardboard boxes in the garage so she doesn't see them, then you could say you have to use the bathroom and quick put them in the trunk or something.

Or, maybe you just want to be totally removed from it all...I was just thinking it might be fun for her.
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:37 AM   #86
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Carol, when you come up to get the gifts, would Girl enjoy a stamp with the grown-ups session?

I could put the gifts in cardboard boxes in the garage so she doesn't see them, then you could say you have to use the bathroom and quick put them in the trunk or something.

Or, maybe you just want to be totally removed from it all...I was just thinking it might be fun for her.
Girl LOVES to stamp...she probably would like it. She gets stressed too.

Mom and I have been talking about what to do. Sis is...in her room.
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:42 AM   #87
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I don't like to bother Mom too much with all that's happening. She's not well. She acts confused..she's so exhausted and her kidneys don't work THAT great. She still hasn't eaten much and she goes for chemo again in 5 days.

Everything tastes too sweet to her. I tried to get her to drink an Ensure but it was WAY too sweet. She wants angel food cake, banana bread, and I found a recipe for biscotti which isn't that sweet at all.

I was going to make some fried chicken breast (boneless skinless) cos she thought that sounded good with some mashed potatoes but I see Sister set down 2 lbs of hamburger. I always cook on the weekend so don't know what she's doing with it.

Sad that hamburger is cheap and we have lots of it and I am NOT a hamburger person. Blech.

I made turkey soup last night with 2 turkey wings that I found on sale for really cheap after Thanksgiving. It was so good. Mom said yuk but I brought her a bowl and she ate some of the turkey and veggies and drank all the broth with it. It was really good. The kids ate 4 bowls when they got home from the movie!
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:43 AM   #88
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Well I guess I better get baking if I'm going to make all those today!
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Old 12-05-2010, 08:55 AM   #89
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I've had my eye on the spoon sets at WW for 2 years. Maybe Santa will have to get them for me at the next meeting. They are a good idea and nice quality. And, not too "obvious".
Ooooh. Wrose is it too late to order a set? Can you let me know how much with shipping?

That would really help in managing portions around here...
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Old 12-05-2010, 08:57 AM   #90
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OK, so on the new WW PointsPlus plan...

Last night I took advantage of the FREE FRUIT and snacked on it while watching the Sex & the City movie, instead of my usual snacking.

A pear, a banana, a large Fuji apple.

OMG, can we say diarrhea?
Oooh now I know what to have for lunch the next time Cologne Monster overdoes it at work!

BTW red cabbage can be very effective too.
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Old 12-05-2010, 09:05 AM   #91
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I don't like to bother Mom too much with all that's happening. She's not well. She acts confused..she's so exhausted and her kidneys don't work THAT great. She still hasn't eaten much and she goes for chemo again in 5 days.

Everything tastes too sweet to her. I tried to get her to drink an Ensure but it was WAY too sweet. She wants angel food cake, banana bread, and I found a recipe for biscotti which isn't that sweet at all.

I was going to make some fried chicken breast (boneless skinless) cos she thought that sounded good with some mashed potatoes but I see Sister set down 2 lbs of hamburger. I always cook on the weekend so don't know what she's doing with it.

Sad that hamburger is cheap and we have lots of it and I am NOT a hamburger person. Blech.

I made turkey soup last night with 2 turkey wings that I found on sale for really cheap after Thanksgiving. It was so good. Mom said yuk but I brought her a bowl and she ate some of the turkey and veggies and drank all the broth with it. It was really good. The kids ate 4 bowls when they got home from the movie!
Oh sweetie. You have so much going on right now. (((HUGS)))

I'm serious about the piano by the way. Don't know where I'll find one, but I'm prepared to keep looking.
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Old 12-05-2010, 10:11 AM   #92
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Carol, I totally understand that you don't want to burden your mom. She is battling her own health issues.

But, you need to keep your sister's fingers out of your paycheck. There are 2 ways to do that: a) take her off the joint account, or b) open a new account in your name only. The beauty of 'b' is that you can do that with nobody else's permission, and you can be sure that your paycheck goes into it. Option 'a' requires agreement from Sister and Mom.

Ultimately I suspect it falls to you to be sure the necessities are paid: heat, electric, water, gas to get to work, food....you need to manage the money to be sure this happens.

Here's how I see it:
1) What was your average weekly grocery bill before 3 extra mouths moved in? What has the average been since they moved in this summer? The increase in extra groceries should be contributed by Sister out of her $600 monthly. She should "pay it" in before she spends money on movies, etc.

2) What was the average utility bill before 3 extra people moved in? Heating expenses probably haven't risen, but surely water, gas, trash, electricity all have. The increase in extra utilities should be contributed by Sister out of her $600 monthly.

3) You may or may not want to ask for a contribution to "rent" -- houses need maintenance.

4) Sister should pay all other kid expenses (clothes, school expenses, kid entertainment) out of her $600 monthly. Not out of joint monies. You probably need to stop buying stuff for the kids until this sinks in. Then later, if occasionally Auntie Carol wants to buy the kids a gift, it is exactly that, a gift and not the norm of Carol assuming the expenses of raising two kids that aren't hers.

I don't want to sound harsh but you two are two adult women. If she escapes to her room everytime the realities are brought up, then figure out the expenses and math (just pull out your bill stubs) and separate the money with option 'b'. Honestly money issues break up a lot of marriages and it will tear you and Sister apart unless there are some blunt conversations and this is handled before it gets any worse.

And that is Mama Marge's stern advice.
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Old 12-05-2010, 10:43 AM   #93
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I agree. We're trying to come up with something. It's just bad because my paycheck is automatically deposited in the account and bills are automatically pulled out of there.

Water has gone up, and electricity, groceries have gone sky high. There's no reason for this. That's why we tried to do the one list thing but it still didn't work. She eats more than any person I've ever seen.

Mom said she's not to stop at Walmart anymore unless we've said she should. So we'll see. It's just so crazy.
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Old 12-05-2010, 11:15 AM   #94
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OH!!! I almost forgot! In all the excitement of new materials and SU! order the day before.....

Alyson and PH, I got the spoon sets!!!! They are heavy, almost a pound for the set in the box, and were 19.95 each set. I'll let you know what postage is when I send them. I'm hoping to mail stuff this week or, worst case, early next week.
Yea! Thanks for doing that. I get paid on the 15th, too, so no rush on mine. Is the email address I have also your paypal email address? Just let me know how much and I'll get it off to you via paypal or check, whichever is better for you.
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Old 12-05-2010, 11:18 AM   #95
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I agree. We're trying to come up with something. It's just bad because my paycheck is automatically deposited in the account and bills are automatically pulled out of there.

Water has gone up, and electricity, groceries have gone sky high. There's no reason for this. That's why we tried to do the one list thing but it still didn't work. She eats more than any person I've ever seen.

Mom said she's not to stop at Walmart anymore unless we've said she should. So we'll see. It's just so crazy.
it's a pita. -- but you can still do it. get your own account or get sister off the account that has your money in it - if she blows her 600 - then she blows her 600. but if she blows all that you have... then you all starve.

get her out of your money.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:18 PM   #96
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Yea! Thanks for doing that. I get paid on the 15th, too, so no rush on mine. Is the email address I have also your paypal email address? Just let me know how much and I'll get it off to you via paypal or check, whichever is better for you.
Check will be better, I'll let you all know the totals when I get them mailed. I'm in no rush, glad none of you are either! LOL
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:19 PM   #97
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Ooooh. Wrose is it too late to order a set? Can you let me know how much with shipping?

That would really help in managing portions around here...
I should be able to pick one up on Thursday. They're 19.95 plus whatever it'll cost to ship. No tax, for some reason.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:20 PM   #98
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I've had my eye on the spoon sets at WW for 2 years. Maybe Santa will have to get them for me at the next meeting. They are a good idea and nice quality. And, not too "obvious".
Yeah that's what I like.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:22 PM   #99
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Still trying to figure out the new PointsPlus.

My regular oatmeal is now 3 points, was 2.
Steel cut oats I learned this morning is 4 points, was 2.

That makes no sense to me. Steel cut oats are less processed, I would have thought it would at least stay the same, not higher.

But my daily points increased from 19 to 29 so I guess it is OK.

I am happy that the 2 points for eggs stayed the same (because of the new emphasis on protein in the calculations). I have an omelet at least a few times a week (easy to make for one person) so that is a bonus.

Boy did I stock up on fruits and veggies at the store on Friday. So I guess the new plan changed my behavior, if only for one week.
It might be the carbs in the steel cut. BFF noticed that too. Do you feel like it lasts longer? I was thinking that if it's heartier and lasts longer, then it might be worth the two extra points? Or well, one extra now, since the other went up to 3. My usual WW one is 3 now plus the milk.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:30 PM   #100
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It might be the carbs in the steel cut. BFF noticed that too. Do you feel like it lasts longer? I was thinking that if it's heartier and lasts longer, then it might be worth the two extra points? Or well, one extra now, since the other went up to 3. My usual WW one is 3 now plus the milk.
Not really. They both keep me fine from breakfast through lunch.

I will gravitate now to the 3 point oatmeal but honestly, that seems counterproductive because I suspect the steel cut oats are better for you.

Oh well.

Just had a free apple and a free pear

What a bargain!
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:33 PM   #101
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it's a pita. -- but you can still do it. get your own account or get sister off the account that has your money in it - if she blows her 600 - then she blows her 600. but if she blows all that you have... then you all starve.

get her out of your money.
E's right, it is a PITA but still one or the other of the options can be done.

Maybe the easiest thing is to have Sister set up her own account for the $600 and write you guys a check each month for the incremental grocery & utility expenses. (And of course take her off the account that has your paycheck in it).

Seriously Carol, that is insane to let anyone else control / spend your money.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:39 PM   #102
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I'm extremely not happy tonight.

Hurt my back pulling carpet up in my room. Took forever to drag it down the stairs...it sucked.

Anyway, I find out that my sister is taking Boy, the girl he took to Homecoming, Girl, and herself to see Tangled tonight. I was like What? We can't afford that...4 people $7 admission plus snacks and they didn't eat supper so....anyway it gets brought up that I can afford to go out drinking.

Um, I drank 2 $1 beers and my friend bought them. She has stopped at the store every single night...we have a couple of bags of Hershey kisses, other candy, Christmas decorations. Um, hello, we are BROKE!! Seriously, do you understand that? She DOES NOT get it.

I was going to get the Christmas tree this weekend. That money is gone. So I tell Mom I have a 4 foot artificial tree that I can put up and Girl was all upset becaue they always had a real tree.

I'm so angry....I mean geez, I gave up lunches most of the time, I eat only a yogurt usually for breakfast because if I have cereal, I have to get soy milk, I don't know what else I'm supposed to give up. Meanwhile we have a new bottle of vitamins every 2 weeks, frozen breakfast sandwiches, blah blah blah.

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight.
Take your life back.

Give her one month to get on track with YOUR budget and if that doesn't work--Kick them out.

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Old 12-05-2010, 12:52 PM   #103
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She gets $600 a month child support and all our money goes into one account.

I don't know...my BIL had the same problem with her.
I know I'm almost a stranger here these days but I thought I'd pop in and say hello. Anyway, got distracted in reading and had the above opened to reply to... but then I read this:

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carol,
i don't mean to jump in where i don't belong, but i love you.

you've GOT to give your sister a what for...

you've GOT to explain things to her

she will NEVER understand until you flat out give it to her and tell her NO.

she's conceited and selfish and she doesn't deserve all you do for her.

YOU have a job. if YOU want to go out drinking well then guess what YOU should be able to...

she's living on YOUR goodwill and charity. SHE should show a bit of appreciation but she's not.

give her a budget, an allowance if you will. when she blows it, she's done. tough poop.

don't let her run over you and take advantage of you any more than she has. don't give her money to buy the breakfast sandwiches and bottles of vitamins and blah lbah blah....
And decided that E had said everything I'd wanted to say. What's with all the money going into one account? That worries me - if all her £ is going IN, then presumably she has access to getting it OUT. Which means she can get to YOUR money.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:53 PM   #104
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get a second account....
Again, I should have waited and let E do the talking for me.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:57 PM   #105
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Hey Helen, haven't seen too much of you since your France vacation....
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:58 PM   #106
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Again, I should have waited and let E do the talking for me.
See Carol, if E, Helen & I are all giving you the same advice, you should listen.
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Old 12-05-2010, 12:59 PM   #107
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What an elegant card and a classic layout.

FC8425 by Reddyisco - Cards and Paper Crafts at Splitcoaststampers
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:02 PM   #108
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Hi Marge! No, I've been so busy that I had to cut down on some of my internet time. Thought I'd check in and see how y'all are doing. And now I'm furious... can't imagine why.

Going to ebay now to look for a cheap piano....
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:03 PM   #109
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hey hey
Been a partially calm partially busy day.
I've hung out on the couch and read and cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom. I've walk/jogged about 2 miles and hit WM and Target.

Right now the baby is napping and I'm think DH might go put up lights.
I'm going to try a new cupcake recipe, well a tweak on my stand by, and play Wii with Zach.
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:04 PM   #110
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See Carol, if E, Helen & I are all giving you the same advice, you should listen.
That joint account thing really bothers me. I have a joint account with my hubby but hey, he's my hubby, and we do have our own accounts, too.

But don't want to bang on about it because it's clearly not easy for Carol.
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:05 PM   #111
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Helen I had the most hysterically funny dream about you and your neighbor last night.
Mind you none of it was accurate, heck you had 4 kids including a mute set of twins *shrugs* but I totally woke up giggling. Good times
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:06 PM   #112
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ok going to start baking
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:06 PM   #113
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Hey V, sounds like a productive day.

I got all my Christmas card/tag envelopes addressed. I was feeling pretty proud about that till I read your post, LOL
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:06 PM   #114
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Quote:
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Helen I had the most hysterically funny dream about you and your neighbor last night.
Mind you none of it was accurate, heck you had 4 kids including a mute set of twins *shrugs* but I totally woke up giggling. Good times
Nightmare!!!!!!!!
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:07 PM   #115
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Hey V, sounds like a productive day.

I got all my Christmas card/tag envelopes addressed. I was feeling pretty proud about that till I read your post, LOL
stopistopitstopitstopit

haven't written a single Christmas card yet - not even the ones that need to go to Canada.
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:09 PM   #116
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BUT... in the past couple of days I have made 20 Christmas cards and favours for my team meeting next week, planned my SAB workshops, ordered the supplies, put the Christmas tree up, made a birthday cake for DD, tidied and cleaned the worst room in the house... bored now... and many other things.
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:09 PM   #117
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That joint account thing really bothers me. I have a joint account with my hubby but hey, he's my hubby, and we do have our own accounts, too.

But don't want to bang on about it because it's clearly not easy for Carol.
Yes, but that joint account will make her life even more stressful for however many years Sister lives with her. That's one of the roots that needs to be fixed.

The other is getting a fair division of labor in the house. Like, why does Carol have to be late for work because she is taking Sister's kids to school? (Carol, that post a week or so ago really got my goat).
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:09 PM   #118
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Hope all the schools are open again tomorrow.
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:10 PM   #119
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haven't written a single Christmas card yet - not even the ones that need to go to Canada.
Has anyone heard from Jodi?

Is she OK up in Canada?
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Old 12-05-2010, 01:10 PM   #120
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Yes, but that joint account will make her life even more stressful for however many years Sister lives with her. That's one of the roots that needs to be fixed.

The other is getting a fair division of labor in the house. Like, why does Carol have to be late for work because she is taking Sister's kids to school? (Carol, that post a week or so ago really got my goat).
I know, I know, I agree with EVERYTHING you've said.
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