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Old 12-04-2010, 05:02 PM   #41
This reminds me of a Star Trek episode....
 
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Now the ACC championship game is on, FSU/VT.

A dear friend went to FSU so I might have to root for them. PH I'd root for your school but since you didn't actually go to VT....
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:02 PM   #42
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Remember my porn story...well it's not really porn...anyway, it's the 20 views away from being the second most popular story on the website. Which will be by tomorrow...it generally gets 40 - 50 views per day. It's an ongoing story and my file is up to 250 pages now!!! It's huge!!
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:04 PM   #43
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She gets $600 a month child support and all our money goes into one account.

I don't know...my BIL had the same problem with her.
Then you guys should divorce her too.



Tell her she needs financial help.

First, she should write down every penny she spends for one week. I don't think she has a clue. Sit down with her and go over what you have NOT been spending. You have to make it clear.

Should I find some coal for her stocking?
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:05 PM   #44
This reminds me of a Star Trek episode....
 
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Remember my porn story...well it's not really porn...anyway, it's the 20 views away from being the second most popular story on the website. Which will be by tomorrow...it generally gets 40 - 50 views per day. It's an ongoing story and my file is up to 250 pages now!!! It's huge!!
Congrats!!!!
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:08 PM   #45
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I'm extremely not happy tonight.

Hurt my back pulling carpet up in my room. Took forever to drag it down the stairs...it sucked.

Anyway, I find out that my sister is taking Boy, the girl he took to Homecoming, Girl, and herself to see Tangled tonight. I was like What? We can't afford that...4 people $7 admission plus snacks and they didn't eat supper so....anyway it gets brought up that I can afford to go out drinking.

Um, I drank 2 $1 beers and my friend bought them. She has stopped at the store every single night...we have a couple of bags of Hershey kisses, other candy, Christmas decorations. Um, hello, we are BROKE!! Seriously, do you understand that? She DOES NOT get it.

I was going to get the Christmas tree this weekend. That money is gone. So I tell Mom I have a 4 foot artificial tree that I can put up and Girl was all upset becaue they always had a real tree.

I'm so angry....I mean geez, I gave up lunches most of the time, I eat only a yogurt usually for breakfast because if I have cereal, I have to get soy milk, I don't know what else I'm supposed to give up. Meanwhile we have a new bottle of vitamins every 2 weeks, frozen breakfast sandwiches, blah blah blah.

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight.
carol,
i don't mean to jump in where i don't belong, but i love you.

you've GOT to give your sister a what for...

you've GOT to explain things to her

she will NEVER understand until you flat out give it to her and tell her NO.

she's conceited and selfish and she doesn't deserve all you do for her.

YOU have a job. if YOU want to go out drinking well then guess what YOU should be able to...

she's living on YOUR goodwill and charity. SHE should show a bit of appreciation but she's not.

give her a budget, an allowance if you will. when she blows it, she's done. tough poop.

don't let her run over you and take advantage of you any more than she has. don't give her money to buy the breakfast sandwiches and bottles of vitamins and blah lbah blah....
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:10 PM   #46
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She gets $600 a month child support and all our money goes into one account.

I don't know...my BIL had the same problem with her.
get a second account....
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:10 PM   #47
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Then you guys should divorce her too.



Tell her she needs financial help.

First, she should write down every penny she spends for one week. I don't think she has a clue. Sit down with her and go over what you have NOT been spending. You have to make it clear.

Should I find some coal for her stocking?
I can't talk to her at all. She gets defensive and stalks off to her bedroom and doesn't come down for 5 or 6 hours.

She just doesn't join in any kinds of discussions at all. We've talked about making a grocery list and just letting ME go and get everything at once instead of stopping every day but she still does it. Last week I was going to Walmart and she stopped too. She called me from there and I was like I'M at Walmart, why are you there. There were things she HAD to get. She got a package of socks for Girl even though I'd put those on her Christmas list, Hershey kisses, cereal bars (an exact duplicate of what I'd bought) some meds, etc etc.

I swear...yeah coal would be good but she doesn't have a stocking this year!
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:12 PM   #48
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See, it's not my account. Me and Mom had a joint account and when she moved in, Mom just got her a debit card and put her child support money in there. To make it easier for her to get gas and stuff like that. But maybe she doesn't get that the $600 goes to housing, food, gas, etc. I don't know.

I told my mom the other day that I feel like I can't smile anymore.
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:15 PM   #49
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Anyway, I'm trying to be happy but I KNOW I'm depressed and I know my mom is too. It's just such an unhappy house.

I don't like to be unhappy. I know I get to go to Marge's in a couple of weeks and I can't wait though I'll probably cry on her shoulder. Get ready Marge.
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:21 PM   #50
This reminds me of a Star Trek episode....
 
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Well when she stalks off to her room, I'm sorry but I'd be banging on the door and asking her how the hell old she was, twelve?

She's getting off way too easy. Let it out Carol. Let HER have it. Tell your mom to put some earplugs in and go for it.
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:24 PM   #51
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And they're back. Must shut the window here so nobody sees.
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:43 PM   #52
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For Carol:

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
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Old 12-04-2010, 05:45 PM   #53
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And:

Hang on to your hopes, my friend.
That's an easy thing to say,
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend that you can build them again.

(Hazy Shade of Winter, Simon and Garfunkel)
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Old 12-04-2010, 06:34 PM   #54
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Carol, I hope that you will be okay, even if you can't do anything about it all.

We're all just angry for you.

((hugs))

And want you to know that you are not crazy.
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Old 12-04-2010, 06:35 PM   #55
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get a second account....
Ditto. That was my immediate reaction.

Carol, don't co-mingle your money with hers.

Your money is YOUR money.
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Old 12-04-2010, 06:36 PM   #56
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Anyway, I'm trying to be happy but I KNOW I'm depressed and I know my mom is too. It's just such an unhappy house.

I don't like to be unhappy. I know I get to go to Marge's in a couple of weeks and I can't wait though I'll probably cry on her shoulder. Get ready Marge.
I'll be ready
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Old 12-04-2010, 06:39 PM   #57
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Seriously Carol, you should have your own account, or just you and your mom like it was.

She should get her own account too.

Out of the $600 monthly set a reasonable amount for her share of rent, utilities, groceries. The rest she keeps and spends on the kids.
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Old 12-04-2010, 06:58 PM   #58
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For Carol:

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.
That's my theme song!!

I build walls! A fortress deep and mighty. That none may penetrate.
I have my books...and my poetry to protect me. I am shielded in my armor. Hiding in my room, safe within my womb, I touch no one and no one touches me.

That's how I get through the day. I put on a mask and act like everything is fine. Very few people know what is really going on with me. I hide.
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Old 12-04-2010, 07:01 PM   #59
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That's my theme song!!

I build walls! A fortress deep and mighty. That none may penetrate.
I have my books...and my poetry to protect me. I am shielded in my armor. Hiding in my room, safe within my womb, I touch no one and no one touches me.

That's how I get through the day. I put on a mask and act like everything is fine. Very few people know what is really going on with me. I hide.

and that is dangerous and i worry about you even more because of that.
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Old 12-04-2010, 07:05 PM   #60
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But sometimes my theme song is another Simon and Garfunkel song.

When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all

I'm on your side
When times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

When you're down and out
When you're on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you

I'll take your part
When darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down

Sail on Silver Girl,
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way

See how they shine
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind


See that's when I'm feeling supported and loved and the other one is when I'm feeling really alone. I go from one extreme to the other.
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Old 12-04-2010, 07:06 PM   #61
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[/COLOR] and that is dangerous and i worry about you even more because of that.
Well, I think I don't hide it as well lately because lots of people at work have asked me if I'm okay so there might be some cracks appearing.

But don't worry. I'm fine.
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Old 12-04-2010, 07:12 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by Illinois Marge View Post
Seriously Carol, you should have your own account, or just you and your mom like it was.

She should get her own account too.

Out of the $600 monthly set a reasonable amount for her share of rent, utilities, groceries. The rest she keeps and spends on the kids.
I completely agree. She needs to learn financial responsibility, and I don't think she's going to without her own account.
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Old 12-04-2010, 07:26 PM   #63
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I had the thought that maybe we should toss a Suze Orman (?) or Dave Ramsey book in there for sister.

Although a jack-in-the-box with a boxer's glove at the end would be more fun to see. Just like in the cartoons!
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Old 12-04-2010, 07:57 PM   #64
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Yeah, she wouldn't read them.
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Old 12-04-2010, 08:00 PM   #65
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Yeah they're beyond her anyway, she needs first grade help.
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Old 12-04-2010, 08:05 PM   #66
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I know..it's just terrible.

I try to just forget about it and go to my happy place but it's so hard.
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Old 12-04-2010, 08:32 PM   #67
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OH!!! I almost forgot! In all the excitement of new materials and SU! order the day before.....

Alyson and PH, I got the spoon sets!!!! They are heavy, almost a pound for the set in the box, and were 19.95 each set. I'll let you know what postage is when I send them. I'm hoping to mail stuff this week or, worst case, early next week.
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Old 12-04-2010, 09:32 PM   #68
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OH!!! I almost forgot! In all the excitement of new materials and SU! order the day before.....

Alyson and PH, I got the spoon sets!!!! They are heavy, almost a pound for the set in the box, and were 19.95 each set. I'll let you know what postage is when I send them. I'm hoping to mail stuff this week or, worst case, early next week.
Thanks, Wrose. No rush on mine. I won't be able to reimburse you until I get paid on the 15th, unless you take credit cards.
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Old 12-04-2010, 09:37 PM   #69
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Thanks, Wrose. No rush on mine. I won't be able to reimburse you until I get paid on the 15th, unless you take credit cards.
No rush at all, my dear.
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Old 12-04-2010, 09:42 PM   #70
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Well, of the 8 preteens here, the only one who's asleep is my boy. I guess all the excitement and anticipation wore him out. So he's crashed on the living room floor, there are 3 other boys in there watching the first Harry Potter movie, and the 4 most rambunctious ones are doing goat knows what in YDS's bedroom.

Hopefully we'll all get at least a little sleep tonight.

Oh, and we have about an inch of snow on the ground!
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Old 12-04-2010, 10:21 PM   #71
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Fun night, PH!!!
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Old 12-05-2010, 04:54 AM   #72
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I'm extremely not happy tonight.

Hurt my back pulling carpet up in my room. Took forever to drag it down the stairs...it sucked.

Anyway, I find out that my sister is taking Boy, the girl he took to Homecoming, Girl, and herself to see Tangled tonight. I was like What? We can't afford that...4 people $7 admission plus snacks and they didn't eat supper so....anyway it gets brought up that I can afford to go out drinking.

Um, I drank 2 $1 beers and my friend bought them. She has stopped at the store every single night...we have a couple of bags of Hershey kisses, other candy, Christmas decorations. Um, hello, we are BROKE!! Seriously, do you understand that? She DOES NOT get it.

I was going to get the Christmas tree this weekend. That money is gone. So I tell Mom I have a 4 foot artificial tree that I can put up and Girl was all upset becaue they always had a real tree.

I'm so angry....I mean geez, I gave up lunches most of the time, I eat only a yogurt usually for breakfast because if I have cereal, I have to get soy milk, I don't know what else I'm supposed to give up. Meanwhile we have a new bottle of vitamins every 2 weeks, frozen breakfast sandwiches, blah blah blah.

I don't know what to do.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight.
Carol, I don't put frustrated and apprehensive and feeling sorry for yourself in the same category. Your sister's completely DELUSIONAL. Does your Mom back you up at all in dealing with this situation? I know she's not feeling well right now but it sounds as though your sister thinks if you can afford $2, which YOU didn't even spend, she can afford $50. That's crazy.

I'd let them live with the 4-ft tree. From the way you've described your sister, one of the best Christmas gifts you could give Girl would be the reality of seeing what happens when you make poor decisions. I'd pull no punches in explaining that trip to see Tangled = no more money for tree.

When I took Ed Psych a billionty gazillion years ago one of the books we read was a little book called 'Who Owns the Problem?'--I'll see if I can find it. But the basic point is, if something bothers you, that's your problem, but if it affects someone else, it's their problem and it's not necessarily your issue to fix problems that don't belong to you. Very similar to the message I got from Al-Anon when I went--when you try and solve other people's problems or minimize the effects of their poor choices so others don't suffer, you essentially start enabling the person to continue behaving badly.

So even if your sister won't deal with it, I'd let Girl and Boy understand the choices you ALL face. I'd be as open as you can with them about the budget you've put together, and the consequences if they don't stick to the plan. I'd be as Mr Spock as you can about it--the more you can keep the irritation out of your voice or explanation, the more it becomes about the facts and not your frustration.

I imagine your sister will do her best to push your buttons and whine and self-justify and make it all about her ('poor me, I don't have nice friends like you do, wahwahwaaaaahhhh,' uh, ya THINK?). Except that doesn't change the facts or the budget you ALL have to work with.

The one thing I've learned from dealing with dysfunctional family is that the more I could detach and not fall into my usual ack-dammit-now-you've-REALLY-pushed-my-buttons reactions, the less fun it was for them to try to get the reaction. WAY easier said than done, but I guess that's what really helped me in dealing with some of the weirdness in my family.
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Old 12-05-2010, 04:56 AM   #73
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It's like Testosterone City over here. There are 8 boys, ages 14 to 9, in my living room. But when one more 11 year old gets here, the 14 year old will be retreating to his bedroom.

As E would say, shoot me now.
Oy vey, that's quite the testosterone load!!!
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Old 12-05-2010, 04:57 AM   #74
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dd1 just came up to me and said - i'm bored - can i play with your hair.

i love it. one of my most favoritest things evah!
Awwww.... that's so sweet!
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Cleaning with dogs in your house is like brushing your teeth while eating oreos.
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Old 12-05-2010, 04:59 AM   #75
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She gets $600 a month child support and all our money goes into one account.

I don't know...my BIL had the same problem with her.
I'd pull the plug on the joint account. Make her write you a check for X amount when she gets the child support, then do what she wants with the rest. Can you get her an acct with just a debit card, no checks? Or a prepaid debit or something?
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Old 12-05-2010, 05:00 AM   #76
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Then you guys should divorce her too.



Tell her she needs financial help.

First, she should write down every penny she spends for one week. I don't think she has a clue. Sit down with her and go over what you have NOT been spending. You have to make it clear.

Should I find some coal for her stocking?
Coal? I'm looking for a piano.

To drop on her head.
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Old 12-05-2010, 05:05 AM   #77
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Well when she stalks off to her room, I'm sorry but I'd be banging on the door and asking her how the hell old she was, twelve?

She's getting off way too easy. Let it out Carol. Let HER have it. Tell your mom to put some earplugs in and go for it.
Carol, I agree. If she's behaving like she's spoiled and bratty and 12, then don't be afraid to deal with her like she's spoiled and bratty and 12. Yank the debit card on the joint account and just give her a prepaid card, close out the joint acct or whatever you and your Mom need to do to cut her off. At this point, realistically, I think you face the choice between dealing with an unpleasant showdown short term or her tearing your budget apart long term.
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Old 12-05-2010, 05:09 AM   #78
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Well, I think I don't hide it as well lately because lots of people at work have asked me if I'm okay so there might be some cracks appearing.

But don't worry. I'm fine.
Carol, we love you so much. E is right. Pretending nothing is wrong just puts you in the express lane to getting overwhelmed even faster.

You've put so much love into building bridges of friendship and kindness and warmth with others. Now is the time you need them to carry you over troubled waters. I'm SO relieved that you know you can talk to us but I know how much it means to have those people IRL too.
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Old 12-05-2010, 05:12 AM   #79
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Well, of the 8 preteens here, the only one who's asleep is my boy. I guess all the excitement and anticipation wore him out. So he's crashed on the living room floor, there are 3 other boys in there watching the first Harry Potter movie, and the 4 most rambunctious ones are doing goat knows what in YDS's bedroom.

Hopefully we'll all get at least a little sleep tonight.

Oh, and we have about an inch of snow on the ground!
That sounds oddly cozy, for all the testosterone involved...

I hope you and DH got at least a little rest, Patricia.
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Old 12-05-2010, 07:21 AM   #80
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Alyson and PH, I got the spoon sets!!!! They are heavy, almost a pound for the set in the box, and were 19.95 each set. I'll let you know what postage is when I send them. I'm hoping to mail stuff this week or, worst case, early next week.
I've had my eye on the spoon sets at WW for 2 years. Maybe Santa will have to get them for me at the next meeting. They are a good idea and nice quality. And, not too "obvious".
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