[Samantha]

I am half way done. Yeah!! PJ's every day for me.

Finally I had my 4th and last chemo of the A & C and then in 2 weeks I begin a different chemo (Taxol) for 4 rounds. I feel really down, tired and have all sorts of side effects. I usually have 2 some what decent days right before I get the next round although I am beginning to feel the cumulative affect now. This is the usual way it had been going with my dose-dense chemo.

I get a shot of Neulasta 24 hours after chemo and that does a number on me. It makes the bones build the white cells so I can have the dose-dense therapy (every 2 weeks instead of 3). Hence the bone pain. Seven days after chemo I have my blood taken to check on the white count. The nurse always calls that night to tell me that my white counts are really low and not to eat any fresh fruit or vegetables, to stay away from everyone and stay home - blah blah blah... So I do. It begins to rebuild about 2 days later and I start to feel like I have a little bit of energy. .

Yesterday I saw the neuro ophthalmologist because one of my eye lids droops. Another story in itself. But there is probably a lesion, tumor or something unknown affecting the Sympathetic nerve that goes from the brain, down to the heart, across the lungs and one of its split nerves goes back to the eye. We need a MRI to find where the problem is. But the expander in my chest has metal so we can’t do it. What do I do? The DR says I can’t have the expander taken out because my white count is too low and it would be dangerous. So I will see the neuro-eye DR on Monday with a new kind of drop and then more tests. I’ll have to see how important this MRI would be. The thought of a tumor kind of scares me. I guess I will have to wait 2 more months until I am done. My left eye is half shut and the pupil doesn’t respond to anything.

This is the toughest thing I have ever gone through. I am thinking I made a bad decision and maybe should have had a bilateral mastectomy. The chance of cancer in the other breast is not uncommon. It is not a metastasis but there are cells that are just ready to mutate to cancer. The expander in my chest is a pain in the butt. Had I known then what I do now I wouldn’t have had it put in at surgery time. It’s used to stretch the skin and muscle so reconstruction can be done.


Being sick is such a bummer to say the least. I have so many DR appt's that are so tiresome. Am I starting to complain? I guess I am. I just don’t know what to do at times trying to make decisions. I made an app’t with my primary card DR who I have gone to for over 20 years when he was just a kid. But he maybe can help me decide about having another mastectomy, then the MRIs, maybe surgery on the nerve somewhere between the brain-heart-lung-eye to take out whatever is there, then knee surgery and then reconstruction. OH man.

Thanks for the cards and really nice support.

Good news because my DD and 4 y/o GD are coming back for a week in late FEB. I can’t wait.