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Old 01-18-2008, 02:38 PM   #141
Samantha
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WI
Posts: 4,125
Default WARNING Ė A SOLO PITY PARTY

WARNING Ė A SOLO PITY PARTY

Today is a really bad day. I had my 3rd round of chemo on Wed and I feel really down, tired and have a very bad sore throat. I felt great on Tuesday. This is the usual way it had been going with my dose-dense chemo. I get a shot of Neulasta the day after chemo and that does a number on me. It builds the white Absolute Nuetrophil count. So in a week I will go and get my blood taken. They always call that night to tell me that my white counts are really low and to stay away from everyone and everyplace. So I do.

It begins to rebuild about 2 days after that and I start to feel like I have a little bit of energy. I actually feel pretty good 2 days before the next round of chemo and I forget how crappy I felt a few days before.

I found out yesterday that I probably need knee surgery because there are tears. Man. I am not over weight or anything that would have caused more pressure. I just tore something in it right before the breast cancer came up. So we have put the knee surgery on hold until the cancer treatment is over. It twists on me and there have been times I felt like I would fall. They first suggested crutches. I canít do that because of my mastectomy and also because I think I am getting too old for them. So I am supposed to use a cane. The knee is just so very painful.

The problem with getting the Neutrophil shot is that is causes a lot of swelling in sensitive areasÖ.That would be my back and knee. OKÖ..now I am really starting to feel sorry for myself and I hate that. I know that others have gone through so much more.

I am weak and tired. I feel lazy but I canít do anything. Itís 5 PM and I am in my PJs. I donít feel like getting dressed on days I donít have to go to the DR. I sleep in one pair and have other clean ones to wear for the day. I am just more comfortable.

The expander in my chest is also painful. When I read the literature before the mastectomy, it said that there would only be minor pain each time they put water in it to stretch the muscle and skin. But itís a lot more painful than that. I have had mine slightly overfilled to stretch to the maximum. Not my choice but the DRís choice. I have talked to a lot of people who all know someone who had this done and they thought it was really painful too. A few actually had it removed. I have to wait until chemo is over and then he will take it out and put an implant in. I canít lay down on my right side because it sends bursts of sharp pain up through my neck. Not good.

Sp hopefully I can get through the next 5 rounds and then have reconstruction surgery at the end of April. By summer it will be all over except for my hair growing back.

Thank you again Karen for the gorgeous card.
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When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe
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