I have been lurking a bit but haven't posted much. Whoever said cancer and chemo was a walk in the park is nuts. It has been really tough and I thought I was tough. NOT. The 1st round of chemo hit really hard and my white blood counts plummeted. The DR said to stay away from everyone – especially children. Hmmm….At that time my kids and grandkids were visiting and I had 5 kids under the age of 8. But all were healthy. During the first round of chemo, I got thrush and ended up in the ER when a surgical site in my lower back was attacked. I have not been to the ER in over 30 years, but this pain was truly unbearable. The day after each chemo, I have to get a shot of Neulasta that makes my body make white blood cells. Making those is painful – and more nausea too.
I have now lost my hair after the 2nd round. My hair started to feel like straw and it was like it was dying before it started to fall out. I had Mark buzz it off. I didn’t look until it was over and it was such a shock. We both cried and then I popped on a hat and tried to forget about it. I still am shocked when I look in the mirror and try to figure out how this all could have happened. Its bringing tears to my eyes right now and you would think I would be used to it. I still look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself.
I had round 2 of chemo last Wed... So that means this coming Wed my counts will be very low again and they said that everything that happened last time will happen again. I hope not. I have 2 rounds down and have 6 to go. Mark made a chart for me so everyday I can look and see the progress I have made. Two more rounds of this kind of chemo and then they change it to 4 rounds of a different one. The 2nd type will cause a lot more bone and muscle pain. Great. I already hurt enough.
My DD and 4 y/0 granddaughter left yesterday to head back to their home. I miss them so much. My DD cooked and froze enough meals to keep us eating for months.
OK, enough of feeling sorry for myself. I have to look at the future and think of this as just a bump in the road. I have tried to do that with lupus, but this is a bit tougher right now.
Thanks for the notes and cards of encouragements.
Love and hugs to you all.
Sammie # 7651
When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe