I have 11 days before chemo starts. I am starting to get scared - mostly of the side affects. I have a nice wig for when my hair falls out so that doesn't bother me. I can't afford to lose too much weight though as I am about normal there. Throwing up for 4 months doesn't sound great either. But I am mostly worried about my white blood count falling and messing up my getting the chemo. I will be getting what is called "dose-dense therapy" meaning I get it every 2 weeks instead of every 3. This is because of the large size of the tumor and the bad grade of 3.
I was just on the Mayo Clinic site and read for about an hour. I think that scares me more is reading about what will happen in the next 4-6 months. Now I have to see the radiology oncologist on Monday to probably be told that I should have my chest wall radiated for 30 days following the chemo.
I know my attitude MUST be very positive. I think that mind over body does and can work. I just wish my body would stop screwing things up for me. I have had 25 years of serious medical issues and I think I have tried to be positive. But I am getting tired. I am not feeling sorry for my self. I just think my kids have so much to worry about now. Their father has colon cancer and their mother breast cancer.
Thanks Karen for making me smile today. Your card is beautiful - as always.
Any words of wisdom for me?
Oh - I get the port put in my chest on the 18th and I have really bad feeling about my surgeon. I can't tell you what it is, but I am uncomfortable with him. Plus I found out what REALLY happened during my 9 hours of recovery following my mastectomy surgery and I am not happy about it. Remember that I am not conscious in recovery. First my heart went into a sinus tachycardia because my body I was in severe pain and not being treated for pain.
They had to first rule out a heart attack which took quite a while. They found out that my heart was reacting to pain they started to give me boosts of dilaudid every 10 minutes – until they truly over-dosed me and according to the hospital records, I stopped breathing and my heart went in the opposite direction. So it took a few more hours to bring me around to normal.
This brought out an “order” to give no opiods. Unfortunately this wasn’t reversed until the DR came in that next morning. I had the most painful night of my life when I woke up. And then he just sent me home. OK, I am getting my self all worked up.
Anyway, my time for treatment is coming fast so I hope getting through it will be as fast.
Thanks for letting me just ramble.
Sammie # 7651
When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe