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Old 02-15-2013, 02:01 PM   #1937
Julie Gearinger
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Maryland
Posts: 5,601
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Quote:
Originally Posted by laurenscraft View Post
Hellooooooooooooooo, yoooooo hooooooooo

anyone there??? just skipping through if you can believe that..... shingles still giving me heaps but other than that, I am doing so good, really good, no crafting, pain when moving the right arm...hmmm.... wonder if I can craft left handed???

Tell you a story though since I am here...... I did this to my underarms once... believe me, stuck fast they were.... hahaha

My night began as any other normal weeknight.

Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.



No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)



So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
'Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my20thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!


OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!


I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.



With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids,

I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.



Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long
strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!


I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!



Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is
spinning and spotted.



I think I may pass out.....must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe,

breathe...OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I

want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!


There's no hair on it.


Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???


Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The ha ir that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. I am touching wax.



I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next
BIG mistake... remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.


Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!



I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to
poop..


My head may pop off!' What can I do to melt the wax?



Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered

bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*


I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.



Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the
bottom of the tub....in scalding hot water.


Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.


So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
......

Oh my Lauren- this is terrible but your telling of the story (after the fact) is hilarious!! Although it was painful- thanks for sharing (and we are so glad that you are not still stuck to the tub)
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Julie Gearinger
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SU! Creative Crew Apr-Aug 2012
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