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Old 01-01-2013, 07:50 AM   #127
Inkin One
Crimping Master
 
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: small town..SC..
Posts: 1,089
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Hmm..
I have been reading this thread for about an hour now..thinking about my response..

The last 2 years brought a lot of *stuff* for our family...and me. We moved..2x in one year ( once was 4 1/2 hours from *home* and family, the other was just 30 mins from that place..but to a much nicer town and school district ..but still a move never-the-less). It brought my sweet 11 yo Autistic step son to the PICU for 4 weeks then another 2 weeks in the hospital ( he is awesome now !)..It brought me to 4 Dt's that I never enjoyed. .( not b/c of the companies or the DT members..but b/c of MY mindset at that time) ..brought me having my galbladder removed..having my 11 yo step son that lives with us being diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and Bi-polar Disorder...to bringing me to a world that was just spining. ...and spining. It also put me in a dark, ugly , bitter place ( which has a totally long back story to it as well..many many things)...
I became so angry at stamping..and at me. I set some stupid *goal* for myself to be a *celebrity stamper* if you will ( yes, go one laugh...I am NOW ) and I started to not enjoy it . at. all. I actually think I never really enjoyed it at all..not card making..I have rediscovered my love of stamps however. I got rid of ( threw out ..~gasp~) all of the cards I had made. I know..you can faint..BUT it was something that I needed to do. To be honest, I never really thought they were that great..never sent them to anyone..so why keep them? To remind me of something that I didn't enjoy or like? So I got rid of them..it was just as freeing as tearing a drwing to bits that I had kept for years and just couldn't fix what was wrong with it..FREEING I tell ya. I "let it go". ( I do realize that isn't the approach for everyone..but to me is symbolized letting go of unwanted baggage). Freeing was telling myself I didn't need to be on a DT..I didn't need to be in Paper Crafts Magazine ( which I didn't renew my sub btw LOL)..freeing that I didn't need to be "elite" . No one needed for me to be any of that. None of that would ever change who I was inside..it would have just made me worse. I didn't need that. I needed to be happy..so that was my pursuit..happiness. ..and a life lived.

So..I took a break. A long break. Cleaned out my stamps..card stock..everything. Sold..threw out and gave away. ..Still have a lot to get rid of really. I found Mixed Media and it spoke to me. I loved painting in college but never thought I was *good* at it..so I didn't pursue it.Instead I concentrated on drawing ( great foundation for painting ). I stocked up some paints..and canvases etc..and had fun. Not much blogging as I realized I didn't enjoy it that much, it had just turned into something else I did b/c everyone that was anyone had a blog..so I needed one too ..right? NOPE..no one missed my blog and neither did I LOL.

I taught a couple of mixed media classes ..and am getting inquiries for more this year. I can't say that I am in a *great* place artistically..but my mind set is a lot better.

I had become so closed off to others..and their talent ..and to mine as well. Just in an ugly place to be honest. It took a VERY sweet soul on here to show me that. I think I did ruin what would have been a great friendship..but I am greatful to her anyway.
I opened myself up to other people, personalities, priorities and perspectives. I NEEDED to do that. I don't know wth happened to me. I used to be so OPEN to everything..but I think I was so open that everything just kinda took over and there was no ME left( if that makes sense..LOL it does in my head anyway).

So all that to say..
My creative goals for this year are simply to create. To enjoy. To live. To love. To love what others do for who they are and their story behind it. To love me for who I am and my story behind it. To not worry about "being someone" but to be one..just one..me.
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