Amber, I'm lucky that my family (well, at least my husband and mom - we haven't discussed it with the kids much yet) agree with my choices after death. We all (including my dad) agreed that donation of any useful bits followed by cremation and sprinkling somewhere we enjoyed in life was preferable. We sprinkled my dad in the water in front of the house where he spent 62 years swimming and waterskiing and crabbing and smelting (catching smelt, not metal-working); mom kept a bit and went out in an outrigger canoe in front of their Maui condo, too. She also transformed an old gaudy (but real diamond/platinum) ring into a lovely necklace which encases a bit of Dad so he can 'go with her' on her travels - that was her need. I do understand why some people need different things when they're grieving. I think it's good that you're talking about it with your kids and both of you are open to what the kids may want.
"When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression."