Originally Posted by cerridwen3301
well i would do the opposite and IF they play have it ONLY under your supervision at your house and feel free to explain the terms/rules in your house and should she choose not to follow send her home. if you are friends with the grandparents there is no shame in this. i would certainly expect my handful of a daughter to be handled this way. if she can't pull it together i see nothing wrong with saying she can't come play. but you don't necessarily have to explain anything to the grandparents - we have a neighbor girl who is always over here and tries to pull the same thing - i nip it in the bud. but i don't feel i need to tell her mother about it every time either.
I like your plan better then mine! I agree. "This is how we conduct ourselves at this house" and if the 9 yr. old can't comply, she heads home across the street to grandma's.