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Old 10-21-2012, 12:25 PM   #1896
parkes
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New Zealand
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Originally Posted by Erin in Okc View Post
Does anybody here believe differently than their spouse? I finally admitted to myself about a year ago that I truly don't believe in any kind of god. My husband still very much believes. He teaches a Wednesday night class at church, and he and my son volunteer giving out donuts and coffee at the early service on Sundays. I know he is very concerned for me and probably thinks this is just a phase. I didn't tell him until the first of this year, and it went well, but sometimes it is hard.
I've honestly just reached a point where I realized I was pretending to be a lot of things that I wasn't. Republican was one of them, and my husband now knows I am proudly a democrat again. It feels like we disagree on everything. A friend of mine said it seems like the only thing we have in common are our kids, our house, and great sex. It feels like that to me sometimes, too. He wants to talk politics and religion with me, and I don't think I'm going to change his mind, I know he's not going to change mine, and I just don't want to talk about either. I enjoy him more when we aren't talking politics or religion.
I could really use some advice, even if you and your husband believe the same. We went to dinner and a movie last night, and it was kind of awkward.
I'm athiest and so is my partner (we aren't married by choice but have been living together for 25 years) so I haven't experienced the difficulties you are facing with your husband, Erin. Let me say, though, that I admire your strength and courage hugely in facing this dilemma. You are showing great character and integrity.
Personally I find that strong religious beliefs underpins so many other intolerant attitudes (like anti gay), that I would have great difficulty living with or even having respect for someone who takes the bible literally, and is conservative politically. If, as you say, your husband wants to talk politics and religion with you and you don't, that you now support the democrats and he the republicans, and neither of you are going to change, then you have every right to negotiate 'no go' topics with him so you are not drawn into discussions you don't want to have. If this doesn't work and things remain tense and uncomfortable between you, then you might need to consider what you are getting from your marriage. It may be that each of you would be better off, in the long term, making someone else happy instead of each other unhappy.
Stephanie
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