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Unread 10-10-2012, 08:41 AM   #2967
caterinafmig
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Reisterstown, Maryland
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RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
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For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy
this. For those of you not old enough, you will see what you missed. Either
way, his humor was always clean, and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of
great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you
get a chuckle or two reading them once more.

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good
food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in
Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
She said... 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' So I suggested the
kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought
her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in
the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud-pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the
garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?' I
said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it. These were the good old
days when humor didn't have to start with a four
letter word... It was just clean and simple fun.... And he
always ended his programs with the words, 'God Bless.'
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Caterina www.colesfoundation.org www.colespages.com www.kidsunitetofight.com
Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
America will only be the land of the free so long as it is the home of the Brave
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