Goood Morning Friends
A Guide to Investments
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Today is National Peach Pie Day,
Knife Day (of course… how else would we cut the peach pie???),
Pluto Demoted Day,
Potato Chip Day,
Strange Music Day,
Single Parent Family Day,
and National Waffle Day.
Enjoy your holiday of choice today!
Please excuse the interruption, but here’s a
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
reminding us that Good Investments Are Challenging to Find
STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.
BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in amazon.com.
BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".
BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation.
SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir? Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").
COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.