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Old 07-22-2012, 09:05 AM   #2892
caterinafmig
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Reisterstown, Maryland
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SOME SUNDAY FUNNIES....

During a New Jersey jury selection, the judge is picking a jury for a drug distribution case.
He starts by asking, "Is there anyone here that can't participate in this particular case?"
A lady in the back of the jury selection pool raises her hand and says,
"Judge, I can't be on this jury because of my occupation."
The judge inquires, "Madame, what is it that you do?
"The lady answer, "Your honor, I'm a soothsayer."
The judge responds, "Alright, so exactly how does that prevent you from sitting on this jury?"
The lady explains, "I already know how the case is going to turn out."
_________

Considerations…

1. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end
and think, "Well, that's not going to happen".
2. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.
3. I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
4. How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
5. Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd have come to me sooner."
_________

Men need to memorize these words inherent in some wives and girlfriends:

NINE WORDS WOMEN MAY USE...

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are NOT the smartest person and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'.. That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8 ) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying...Get away from me NOW.

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
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Caterina www.colesfoundation.org www.colespages.com www.kidsunitetofight.com
Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
America will only be the land of the free so long as it is the home of the Brave
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