Originally Posted by scrappingramma
To me that is the grown up way to do this, not sneaking around, telling lies to your spouse and children. He was honest with you, and that counts for something.
I have very much counted my blessings that he was able to do that. It's allowed us to get through all the procedures relatively amicably.
Laurie, I know your husband's actions must create a huge amount of confusion for your kids. It's a tough situation. Even without kids, I felt such a strong sense that marriage meant for better or for worse. What I've learned in the last year is that for all that anyone might hope to live up to that ideal, it's one that you can't fulfill alone. When the other person in that covenant partnership no longer wants to honor that commitment, it leaves the person who remains committed in a position where they're forced to question what they owe to an empty shell.
I'm not sorry for one minute I spent going through counseling or trying to forgive and rebuild. And maybe that's where I'd look for the lesson if I did have children: that while marriage may be a commitment that requires two individuals to honor fully, it's one of the few that does. In every other case, we choose for ourselves how we'll live, how we'll forgive, how we'll honor God and the choices we'll make when no one can see the outcome.
The fact that one parent did not make those choices honorably doesn't mean children won't see and learn from a parent who does, and who finds the grace and strength to behave with dignity. Those convictions aren't worth any less just because one individual makes poor choices.