Sue, first, I am so sorry about the loss of your father. What a difficult thing to go through, what a week you have had. He sounds like a wonderful man who was admired by many! That had to make you feel so good.
Second, I am sorry you have been living in an unhappy situation for so long. I did the same thing-- do not be hard on yourself. We want our families to stay intact and do everything we can to do so.
You deserve a happy, higher quality life. There are pretty good financial ppl at the bank who may be able to help you figure out a plan. Also, you can meet with attorneys free to find out what they recommend, find out what they charge. I would speak to a few ppl to see what is best, with your situation.