08-10-2011, 08:00 PM
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Southeast Florida
Originally Posted by JennJenn79
ok, so I have been lurking a bit. and reading a lot.
Divorce is hard and sucks no matter how 'easy' the process it.
My second marriage will be over in about 2.5 months - and it's such a relief. Fortunately he lives in another country, so service by publication is a very viable option for me. Makes me sound like a coward and a beeyotch, but with this route I don't have to tell him (though I probably will, but by snail mail). I want this, have for 2.5 years, he is desperately trying to hang on. I avoid his phone calls, because all he does is cry and BEG for me not to leave. Point is, we've been separated 2.5 yrs of our 4 year marriage. Of the other 1.5, he was overseas for 9. What we have is not a marriage. We have no kids an each have our own separate properties. Neither gives the other any kind of support - so I really don't understand why he is so desperately trying to hang on. I especially don't get it when we barely speak and we live on 2 different CONTINENTS. Weird.
Anyway, though my choice it still has not been easy. I admit, I have lied to him and myself saying I would try to make it work (hard to do 4k miles apart), agreed with him that all we need is love and we can find our way back. but, when i finally look at what I want, it's not this. I think if I said those things/made those commitments to work out it to him and out loud that I myself would believe it. I don't - and it's made it a bit worse. I often felt pressured into saying those things too though - as a former military interrogator I felt that's what he did to me. Interrogated me if he didn't get the answers/solution he wanted.
Anyway...3 things I've been told/learned/am trying to accept
1 - you cannot go around the fire, you must walk through it. and yes, it's going to burn like h*ll
2 - after the fire has died, and the smoke is gone the scars will still be there but will over time become less noticeable and painful
3 - and perhaps the most beautiful thing I've ever heard from my mother - What happens after a fire (thing forest fire here) - there is new growth and renewed life that springs from those charred remains.
I hold on to those words from my mother and try to repeat them to myself everyday.
So many words of wisdom, from you and your mother.
Happiness is in the Heart, not in the Circumstances
My avatar is me with my grandchildren