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Old 07-24-2011, 08:38 AM   #314
Cynamom
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago suburbs
Posts: 8,116
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Originally Posted by hedgiemama View Post
Jen- I will take you up on your offer! A clambake in your kitchen, or ANY seafood done by you would be awesome!

Oh boy, regarding the college issue. I have struggled with this. As soon as we divorced he stopped paying for the oldest's college costs, she was a Junior. We had to take out loans and we could not get the judge to order him to help pay. In our state anyway, you can not order them to pay for or even help with college! The kids are adults, is their reasoning!

We got the impression at that point he was in flux. When the second was due for college he told her he would help some. He approved the college she chose and was given all details. One month after she was dropped off and settled into that school, he emailed me and said, Oh so sorry, I have decided not to help. So it all has fallen and continues to fall on me, loans, scholarships. She is still in school and it has been rough. But we are doing it!

We had to go back to court for other issues, he made this big deal about how we never planned to send the kids to college. Baloney. That was all he pounded into them during their school years! The judge asked me to respond and I of course explained our views on education and how the girls were raised. He took that into consideration when he decided on the other issues we were there for, but could not make him help play for her college.
Wow!! What state are you in? You know, there is a part of this that you really can't dwell on, or it will eat you alive.... the fact that they put themselves before their kids on something so big as college!!!! If I had the means, I would pay for it all myself, just to not have to deal with him on it, because it has been SO stressful... not worth it.

What did your agreement say about college? That's dumb that the judge said that... that the kid is responsible. As expensive as college is, and as bad as the job market could be for these kids, it's really not a fair or practical ruling.

In my search to find a silver lining in all of this, my son is FINALLY seeing his dad for the person he is. I never bashed him, never praised him either, but sort of kept quiet all these years and didn't let the two of them be exposed to the bad stuff... they are good kids and didn't want them to get hurt. BUT now my son is really seeing his father for what he is, and that's when it all will stick.

Makes you feel bad for all the kids out there that don't have someone to look out for them on this issue.

AND ... like I said ... if I was doing an agreement now, I would get this iron clad ... to split costs evenly, right from the start, even if the kids were babies! LESSON LEARNED!

Cindy
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