I struggle with this also. And when it does come up, I hurt and ache. But I am getting through it more quickly now. I try to focus on what really matters in my life. I try to remember that I can choose to not to let it eat me up. Instead I can choose to let it go. I try not to let them have power over me...he is no longer my concern, therefore it is not imperative I have a super relationship with all of his relatives.