So sorry to you gals that are hurting. It really sucks.
Mine didn't want counseling either. I knew about the affair. Knew who she was too. He continued to deny it all through the process. Even now he denies it. I think if he admitted it to himself he'd have to acknowledge that he is the one in the wrong, not me. Sure, our marriage needed work -whose doesn't? We had little kids, he traveled extensively for work, and frankly I was exhausted all the time - he never once helped out around the house. I was a maid and babysitter. He is not a nice man. He had no problem leaving us. He became an atheist, which justified his decisions in his mind. Funny how his GF is an evangelical Christian and they have no trouble/problems going to church together.
My divorce is almost over, going on three years. We are doing a last ditch mediation and then going to a one day trial. All through this process he has continued to be the narcissit that he was - he has refused to negotiate, spent down the marital assets and thinks he is above and beyond reproach.
I took the high road and tried to do mediation but boy do I wish I hadn't done that and gone straight for a trial.
I am so glad the whole thing is coming to an end so I can concentrate on me for a change.
It's too bad that all the people who are smart enough to run the country are busy teaching school.