I'm back to check in:
We finally have all the orders for Therapy to start... OT/ST/Behavior Management Therapist....Easter Seals are sooo slow, but at least now I can start Therapies with my Son. In all true honestly- I feel so overwhelmed, frustrated and dead tired. I wouldn't know how to live without my son but would love a break every once in a while. I am almost to the point of not wanting to take my Son out in public except for therapy and Dr. Appts. becasue I hate the dirty looks and rude comments when my Son melts-down and gets violent with me in stores. He is only 21/2 so when he gets violent- I can handle him but it is everyone else I can't. Last week at the grocery store- I had a woman in line behind me with her 3 perfect children (all appeared to be under the age of 4) make rude comments at me and my Son and I ended up saying something I am not proud of but I was literally at my wits end with DS's screaming/hitting- but I had a wonderful Man walk up to me and tell me "Its all gonna be OK, breathe sweetie, its OK!" I had tears in my eyes out of frustration but this man helped me calm down.
Thank God for kind and gentle people that don't assume my DS's behavior is because of me. I try so hard but most of the time- I see no relief in my situation. My DS starts special needs pre-school in Jan, and now we have Therapy 5 days a week. Having Therapy 5 days a week- driving 1 hour each way- has totally screwed up his schedule which makes everything 250 X's worse.
No-One in my family understands DS needs, DH is still in denial, even though he refuses to spend anytime with our Son alone becasue he says he can't handle his outbursts. He doesn't seem to care that I am only human and need a break sometimes. I have days when ... I think I am going to go insane.
Has anyone here had therapists want to place their Autistic child on medication at age 2? I hate the idea- so far I am refusing becasue he is only 21/2 years old. They want him on sedatives. I feel it is wrong to drug a young child, even though when I am at my wits end- I think - would it be such a bad idea - at least then I could maybe relax since DS doesn't take naps any-longer. I won't be agreeing to medication anytime soon, at least that is my current plan.
I have had several friends tell me that I have such great patience in regard to my Son and his behavior but I don't see it or feel it. I have days I wonder if I can handle this, but I have no choice and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? LOL! I have been told the reason I have my son is becasue I can handle this but I have days when I think this is Gods way of teaching me to stop wanting things I can't have, since I was unable to have children and decided at the age of 33 to adopt my Son.
I know this probably sounds like I hate being a Mother to my Autistic Son and that isn't true... I love my DS more then anything in the world and would die tomorrow to save him (like any mother) but I am soo alone in this. I live in a tiny village of appox 500 people- the closest city and it is a small city is 35M away. Everyone is so close minded and just assumes that if your child doesn't listen it is becasue of the parents not doing their job. My Son still doesn't respond to his name yet, has a vocabulary of appox 10 words, maybe a couple more. Can't tell when he is hungry/thirsty/wet or soiled. I have such guilt in regard to him...
Sorry I know this post is more venting then anything...I'm just tired!!!!