Monday, June 28, 2010 7:41 PM, CDT
Happy Summer! Just wanted to jump on here and say that we are still around...well, not completely as we have been on vacation and are preparing for a couple of more little travel trips. But I wanted to say that we are doing okay. Still shedding tears when we need to and missing the heck out of our little pocketful of sunshine. When things slow down I will sit down and continue to write all the thoughts that are building up one on top of another in my head.
I actually sat down last night after everyone had settled into bed and began working on "the book" that I began to write on Sunday, March 21st. Unknowingly, I started to write the introduction on what turned out to be Sicily's last day on earth. I sat on our bed with the laptop in front of me so I could remain by her side and started the beginning of what will hopefully be her courageous story and God's underlying message! Wish me luck.
It will take me awhile and I do best when I don't rush myself, so I will be patient with this project, even though I am anxious to accomplish it. I'm allowing myself to work in God's time and not my own. When the time and opportunity arises for me to write, i.e., when God sees fit, I will work on what it is He wants me to do. I have to say it feels good to have a starting point. I sat and read over what I had written on that day and it blows me away to think that after I wrote down my varied thoughts, emotions and feelings, Sicily breathed her last breath only a few short hours later. It's one of those things that in hindsight, I can truly see God at work...I can understand His timing...and I can feel peace with what turned out to be His will. I hope and pray that I will have the ability to convey how beautiful this whole journey was for me, through meager and humble words. Again, I will do my best to keep my heart open and let God take over as He has done so many times before!
I'm anxious to share more about our California adventure later. I say "adventure" because calling it a vacation is not completely accurate. When I conjure up thoughts and fantasies of what a vacation entails, I think of calm and relaxing visions...this was none of that. We had a ball, mind you...but restful it was not. Patrick turns into a man on a mission with ideas of conquering as much ground as possible in as little time as possible. I'm having a hard time keeping straight and remembering at times everything we did get to do. It was great. And as for Sicily, she accompanied us every step of the way via her Angel wings...from visiting Pablo's grave at Forest Lawn Cemetery in LA, to the massive gigantic Sequoia trees. From Glacier point in Yosemite, to the sloped streets of San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge...she was with us at all times.
The pain of missing her has not eased much yet as I had thought it would by now, even though I know it has only been three months...but we are all finding it a tad bit easier to smile and giggle at our memories of that spark plug of a little girl instead of always dabbing the tears away. Sometimes I still do both, but that is okay. I still wait patiently for her to visit me. She has visited some very special people who have relayed to me that she is "okay!" I will take that for now, but will continue to keep my eyes open wide and my heart open even wider.
Thanks for still thinking of us. Thanks, too, for continuing to think about Sicily! The more I know she is still being carried in the hearts and minds of others, the better my healing process goes. Honestly! ; )
Love to you all!