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Old 12-16-2009, 05:59 PM   #458
caterinafmig
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Location: Reisterstown, Maryland
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Wednesday, December 16, 2009 3:45 PM, CST


Good afternoon all,

I know I need not apologize for not journaling, but it makes me feel better if I do, so please forgive me for being absent. There is only one reason I find justifiable for not sitting down and pecking away at the keyboard and that is because I truly have not had an opportunity! I'm running pretty ragged and I am pretty tired, but despite that I am not beaten down. Life is marching on and we are still trying to lead our little marching band through the parade!

I will try to keep this brief as I just ran home to shower and wait for the older kids to get home from school and we will all head back to the hospital where aunts Bett and Valerie are entertaining a solemn Sicily.

We were admitted into room #326 around 11:30 ish Tuesday morning. Sicily cried before we headed to the clinic yesterday as I could visibly see she is becoming more and more apprehensive about her treatment plan after having an issue with one of the drugs last time. I feel the apprehension, too, but am determined to hurt this cancer before it can hurt our daughter anymore!

Bett and Val made it to the hospital a little after lunch and Sicily was glad they were there. I stayed longer than I thought I would as I had planned out in my head to come home and make good use of my independent time. But it is never easy to leave Sicily, even when I know she is in the best of hands. I wanted to go over everything with Bett, who was planning on staying until late evening to allow Patrick and I to attend a dinner.

At first I thought Sicily would not be getting the neurological side affect inducing drug, Ifosfamide, until today, but I was incorrect. Fortunately, however, the timing of the infusion was not going to be until much later in the evening so I felt okay leaving Bett there while Sicily received it. My mind gets cloudy and confused from time to time and I still struggle to keep all the facts straight, but I was reminded that Sicily did not begin to show signs of the effects until after her second dose. The plan to pre and post treat with the Methylene blue medicine to counter affect the “effects” was still in the plan, so that helped ease my worry, as well. I left the hospital feeling comfortable.

I ran Valerie home to wait for the older kids and ran and a couple of errands. My cell phone rang at exactly 4:30. I heard Valerie's voice inform me that Elias had not come home yet from school and the school bus had not driven by our house yet, as is does everyday no later than 4:10. I calmly told her and mentally convinced myself that the bus had probably broken down, but the nagging feeling of worry started to build in the gut of my stomach. As we were talking, Valerie said she could see our friend and neighbor across the street...Elias' best buddies mom, on the phone as she looked worryingly down the street for where the bus should be approaching, but wasn't.

Val had to hang up rather quickly as Stowie the kitty ran outside and into the bushes in front of our house. Corinthian later reported he retrieved her by “pulling her tail” out of the bushes. Remember, that's why cat's have tails...to rescue them from perilous situations like thorny holly bushes and dark, cold attics!!! ; ) (You'd have to read the story of Stowie in the attic last year in early December. Silly cat likes to stress us out...AS IF!)

As I sat in an Arby's drive thru nine miles from our house, that dreaded worry feeling reached the top of my mind and it went “there”...to that place it shouldn't and I started thinking those crazy thoughts about what if the bus Elias was a passenger on had an accident? Just then, to make the feeling more concrete, an ambulance with sirens blaring raced past in the direction of the hospital. I grabbed my phone and called home to hear Corinthian's voice answer. In an outwardly calm and controlled, but internally frantic utterance, I asked if Elias had made it home yet. Thankfully, he had. Apparently the bus had broken down in the neighborhood just east of ours with five or six kids still left on it. A mother of two of those kids who live down the road drove over and brought Elias home. The kicker for me was that I had sent him out the door that morning with frustration on my face and anger in my words. He told me at the last minute, literally, that he had homework the night before that he could not locate and it was due to him talking in class. I know a large portion of my worry was built from the guilt I felt sending him off to school while I was angry with him. I learned a little lesson. I need to work harder at checking his backpack in the evening and asking more questions of him...but more importantly, I can't send him off to school that way again! All's well that ends well, right?

Patrick and I enjoyed our dinner. I honestly needed a few more hours just to meet and talk to some wonderful people who have supported us in many, many ways through out our journey, but I felt blessed to at least get to put smiling faces with the names that have sent so much care and compassion our way. I had an overwhelming sense of peace leaving last night knowing these people are there...spread out through east central Oklahoma and that they truly have our back. I just wanted to thank the Board of Directors and the employees of East Central Oklahoma Farm Credit for EVERYTHING. There is no doubt in my mind that Patrick and I, along with our kids, are where we are supposed to be...employer, church, schools, neighbors and more...God definitely took care of us.

Valerie was able to escorted Corinthian to his event and cousin Taylor helped Isabella and Elias with their homework, as well. We felt like we had accomplished something major by pulling Tuesday evening off. We couldn't have even fathomed of doing it without the tremendous amount of support we received! The words “thank you” can't begin to express our gratitude. Sometimes words just don't seem like enough, but sometimes that's all we have...”So, thank you!!!”

Well, so much for being brief with this journal entry. I should just learn not to ever even attempt such a feat, right? Sicily slept fair during the night. Even with the pre and post treatment she had some break thru tremors, but they were slight. She was still able to be independently ambulatory to get up a couple of times to use the bathroom, as I assisted her. She refuses help many times, even when it is obvious that she needs it, but I support her sovereign attitude. What else can I do...she is Sicily! ; )

I will be on watch again tonight and will hopefully be mentally and emotionally prepared to handle another dose of Ifosfamide for Sicily. She really didn't start having any issues last time until her second of three doses. Dr. Hum is once again going to cut out dose number three, just to be safe. As I sit and type, Sicily is receiving blood transfusion number six...eight total when the platelet transfusions are counted. I just sat on the floor in the living room and read over the poster that was signed by so many at the blood drive held in her honor in Wellington the Friday after Thanksgiving. Bett and Valerie just delivered it last night and this afternoon was the first time I was able to read over it and all the cards that were signed. I thought how appropriate it was for me to be doing that as Sicily was receiving blood once again at that very moment. Again, thanks to all who donated or supported...when I look at that little plastic bag full of dark red liquid flowing through the tube and into my daughter's body, I tear up just thinking of the simple but incredibly important gift that it is!!! Wow!

Okay, I've got to close out this therapy session for now, but I will return soon, I promise! Please keep praying and chewing and chewing and praying...we hear and feel it! I will pray for no sore jaws!

; )

Love to you all!

Kerry
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Caterina www.colesfoundation.org www.colespages.com www.kidsunitetofight.com
Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
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