I have no idea where I got these but here they are. Maybe you'll want to cut and past to your word program because this could take a while.
Have you ever stopped to think Öand then forgotten to start again?
The older I get the better I was.
Wherever you go, there you are.
It's been fun and it's been real, but it hasn't been real fun
Sometimes I sits and thinks and sometimes I just sit.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Hereís to my friends and the strength to put up with you.
I fear there is no PMS and this is just my personality
Thank goodness wrinkles donít hurt
God grant me the serenity to forget the people I never liked anyway the good fortune to run into the ones I do and the eyesight to tell the difference
Worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair it gives you something to do but doesnít get you anywhere
Dear God please put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.
My husband needs glasses; he still doesnít see things my way
Womanís fault are many, men have only two, everything they say and everything they do.
Donít hate us because weíre fun.
A woman that strives to be like a man lakes ambition.
I donít do ironing, dishes, laundry, windows, houseworkÖ I do lunch!
If we canít laugh at ourselves, letís go make fun of someone else.
Age is a matter of mindÖ If you donít mind, it doesnít matter.
When you get to the end of your ropeÖtie a knot, hang on and swing!
Friends are like fine chocolatesÖitís whatís inside that makes them special!
If you have nothing good to say about anyone, come sit by me.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
If you canít be a good example, be a dire warning.
I sleep naked and it ainít a pretty picture.
Pretending to be a normal person day after day is exhausting.
If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.
Life is too short to skip dessert.
Friends are the stars that twinkle in our hearts.
I ainít smart, but I are Fun!
Creative clutter is better than idle neatness.
Iím so far behind I think Iím first!
Be reasonableÖ do it my way!
There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness"
If ignorance is bliss - why aren't more people happy?
One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries!
I can only please one person per day. Today is not YOUR day! (Tomorrow doesnít look good either.)
Warm cookies always make me feel better!
Iíll riseÖ but I refuse to shine!
I donít have time to be this busy.
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg, even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.
We have a strange and wonderful relationship. Youíre strange, and Iím wonderful.
If you are grouchy, mean, or just plain irritable, there will be a $10 charge for putting up with you.
If idiots could fly, this place would be an airport.
Just when you think youíve finally hit bottom, someone tosses you a shovel.
Iím not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Have you ever let your mind wander, only to realize it was too little to be left alone?
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
You donít have to drive me crazy ÖIím close enough to walk.
I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
I took an IQ test, and the results were negative.
Does the noise in my head bother you?
Forget loveÖ Iíd rather fall in chocolate!
Call meÖand weíll do chocolate!
Getting old is not for sissies!
All imperfections are a result of the creative process.
HOT FLASHES . . . a woman's personal summer
Stressed spelled backwards is Desserts!!ÖCoincidence?
Iím a country music song waiting to happen.
If you donít like my driving, get off the sidewalk.
Iím actually quite pleasant until Iím awake.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Organized people are just too lazy to hunt for things.
Youíre never too old to do goofy things.
Everything I say can be entirely backed by my own opinion.
I child-proofed my house, but they still got in.
Women do come with instructionsÖ just ask them.
Yes, it is always about me.
Iím not bossy; I just know what you should be doing.
Donít tell me what kind of day to have!
"This card was made by hand. If you throw it away, those same hands will make a doll in your image and stick pins in its butt."
It's the little moments that make life BIG
Savor the moments that are warm and special and giggly.
You're only young once, but you can always be immature.