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Old 09-19-2009, 04:56 PM   #747
Samantha
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WI
Posts: 4,125
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Thanks everyone. I will try the lunch idea. I don't talk about my breast cancer but sometimes itís like the elephant in the room thing. I am more than willing to talk about I don't want to burden anyone with my problems. I do think some of it is that the thought that we die is not a comfortable thought.

One of my good friends has stage 4 breast cancer that has gone to her liver. We went to lunch and I told her that I was there to listen, cry with her or just to sit and hold her hand. It was very nice as I felt she needed someone to just be with her. It was comforting for me too.

I don't want to do that with my friends. I just want to laugh and talk like we used to. I know I look different. My hair was brown before chemo and it came back in a really pretty white. I think it bothers people too that when they look at me it is a constant reminder that I am different. I don't want to dye my hair to make people forget abut why I have white hair. I just want to be me. I don't want to be thought of as a sick person. I want to just be me...the same person before cancer. I do try.

I don't think I will have a problem sleeping tonight. I can barely stay awake now and it is only 8 PM. But I painted 6 hours yesterday and all day today to finish the laundry & furnace room downstairs. I am exhausted as is Mark. For some reason we are both full of bruises and can't remember how we would have gotten them. No more house updates now. I just want to go to Phoenix and lay by the pool or float in the water with my friends there. It will be nice.

Thank you so much for all your advice. It makes me feel good to come here and feel the caring.

HUGS.
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When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe
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