Thanks Karen and Sharon. I think it is somewhat healing just to be able to write about it. I don't like living with pain every day but that is part of who I am now. Sometimes I think back 26 years ago when I was knocked out of the work force with lupus. As tragic as I thought it was at the time, I became a stay at home mom. Not by choice but it ended up being for the good for me and the kids.
I think when Mark was knocked out of the work force when he got cancer was far more tragic than anything I have been through. He was/is a brilliant computer guy and lost so much. Even though he can't work, we are free once in a while to travel to see the kids and grandkids. If he were working, it would be difficult.
I guess what I am saying is that there is another side of the pain and illnesses we have had. Hmmmm....I am still trying to figure out the breast cancer one yet. I have a harder time living with my diagnosis than he ever did. He never once thought of dying....although his DRs are amazed at his survival. He just never planned on it. Now me, I have thought about it and I try not to get too scared. He keeps me grounded as do my kids. I don't have time to die as the grandkids need to know how much I love them. I want them to remember me fondly ....so I guess that will take a bit longer yet. They are still too young yet to have those kind of memories.
Sammie # 7651
When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe