Latest update on Sicily - thank you for your continued prayers.
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 07, 2008 01:54 PM, CST
I'm so sorry I've been a little lax in my journaling. Having my sister-in-law Pat here was so awesome. You know how you can know someone for fourteen years, but not really get to know them until you spend some one-on-one time with them? That's how the past few days were. Pat and I never have been by ourselves, without a whole bunch of other family around. We really enjoyed our time together...and Sicily...she wants to know when Aunt Pat is coming back. They had a very special time together and made a strong bond, which Sicily tends to do with people who love to play with her and give her lots of attention. We can't thank Pat enough for her visit and her wonderful meals. Did I mention she also made kolaches... another thing she is famous for. But most importantly, she made a little girl feel very special!!! Thank you, Pat!!!
Speaking of a special little girl, she is napping right now and has still been doing good. She's been so happy lately and that's about all we can ask for, except for the cancer to disappear, as well. She asked me this morning if she will be asleep when they take "her cancer out" and I told her yes, she has to be. She continued to ask why, but I can't tell her that it's because it will be painful. I want to be honest with her, but how much can she or will she comprehend. I don't want to instill any fear in her as she has been so fearless thus far! She has less fear than any of us and she's the one going through it all. I'm just so ready for the doctors to say she's ready for surgery. I know how important it is and was for us to shrink the tumors. If the tumors are still a certain size, there is a possibility of rupturing or spillage during removal. I'm sure that risk is present no matter, but what we are trying to achieve is to retain as much of her two kidneys as possible. Her surgery will be what's called renal sparing...they will "spare" as much of the organs that they can so she can hopefully function in the normal range.
Patrick and I are so ready for the next step, even though it will definitely mean a disruption in our lives, since we feel like we've been blessed to be able to live pretty normally in this type of situation. I know that's not the case for many, and it is very heartbreaking. But it's amazing how people manage to do what needs to be done. I can only say it's by the Grace of God and only the Grace of God!!! I still feel Him in our midst every day, even the days my heart gets heavy and my mind overwhelmed with the thoughts of "possibilities" and "what ifs!"
I'm still slowly unpacking a few boxes here and there from our move in June, and I came across a plaque I have that says "Great strength comes from faith in God!" For some reason it started me thinking about faith and wondering how I would ever get through something like this without it. I decided long ago that faith can be as simple as making a decision...a decision to have it. Circumstances like the one we are in, can build one's faith stronger and more impermiable than it was before the situation, or it can also, sadly, destroy one's beliefs. I am thankfully of the former and remain firm in God's grasp! But I have been witness to how easy it is for desparety to take the upperhand and make a person question God's will.
Again, I believe if a person makes the decision to hold fast to their faith, faith will carry them through anything! I feel sad and get scared when I hear some one ask, "Where's God?" Or "How could God do this?" God is everywhere and He has His hand in every occurrence of our lives...He is teaching us, and if we listen, we can learn from even the most tragic experiences. I don't mean to get on my pulpit and preach, but this way of thinking is the ONLY way I can live, right now, and hopefully forever.
I can't tell you how loved and cared about our little family feels right now. All we can do is thank God and pay it forward in the future as much as we can! I'm still amazed at the generosity and thoughtfulness that has been bestowed upon us! I've said it before, and I'll say it many times again, but I can't believe how cancer can be a sort of blessing! It's been an eye opener on a world of goodness! I could tell story after story, but I might just wait for the book (just kidding)!
Little princess just woke up from her nap so I'd better sign off for now. Hope I didn't scare too many people off today with my ramblings, but it's still very therapeutic for me! Everyone have a great weekend and "Happy 11th Birthday" to our beautiful daughter, Isabella. I can't believe she's eleven! Time sure does fly!