UGH..........Mark has to have surgery on Tuesday - hopefully out patient. I had 3 app'ts 2 days ago and 2 yesterday. Mark had his too. We are exhausted just going to the DR.
I am so scared. I am scheduled for a mammogram and blood work on Oct. 22 and then I see the oncologist the following week. It's scary for several reasons.
1. - There is a greater chance that I will have a recurrence in the other breast in the first 3 years. I have 2 years left to get by on. There is also a greater chance of a recurrence in other places in the body too a lot faster that estrogen positive people. Darn it. I thought negatives were good. Not in breast cancer.
2. - I had surgery 2 months ago and both of my breasts and they are still painful. I actually don't have a breast on the mastectomy side. Just a mound. That is depressing in itself. But on the good breast they did symmetry surgery and it is still painful. But symmetry to what? I don't even have a breast but a mound. I am so uneven. The DRs say I should be OK and I need to get the mammo. I canít imagine being clamped down on right now.
I was under the impression that I would wake up looking the same on both sides after the last surgery. What was I thinking? I saw that surgeon yesterday and he said he could still bring an attached flap from my back and make a breast. That is a long surgery. I think I have had enough surgery for a while and I just need to get used to what I look like. I am thankful I survived the first year but I still get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about all of this. I just can't die and leave Mark with all of his problems.
I don't even know why I am writing. Sometimes I just look at people I know and wonder what it is like to not have any medical problems. I hope they realize how lucky they are.
But then I think that many people have a lot of other problems than just medical right now. Especially now when the economy in the toilet. I am lucky in that area at least for now. So I need a change of attitude - somehow.
Sammie # 7651
When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -- Harriet Beecher Stowe